General Help. Spouse With Ptsd

[Losty]

New to here. The name says it all.

My partner of over 25 was diagnosed last year with severe PTSD. In the last few months some major things heve triggered her in a way I have not experienced. I have tried going when she screams at me to go. I have tried staying and refusing to go so that she doesn't feel abandoned but it just throws more fuel to the anger bonfire resulting in a rage that makes me fearful, both for her and our family. I am arranging a new therapist for next week but don't even know if she will go. I understand that I have not been perfect but this anger causes her to remember every possible thing I have done wrong since the day we met and she proceeds to tear me down till I feel nothing is left and most times I end up going on the offensive when behavioural boundaries start getting overstepped. Of course this erupts into a full on argument that can last days.

Why does this shitty demon keep stealing my beautiful wife?

 

[Losty]

New to here. The name says it all.

My partner of over 25 was diagnosed last year with severe PTSD. In th...

She also stops taking her meds when all this happens.

. To make things more complicated it am learning to deal with my own anxiety disorder.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Welcome to the forum Losty! You have come to the right place for strong support and to find some of the answers that you seek. Kudos on the therapist. However, if she does not go, please consider going yourself anyhow to assist with your own anxiety disorder. (((hugs))) if you accept

 

[RavenGirl]

@Losty , welcome to the forum. There are a lot of supporter areas where you can get the support and information to help you. I'm sorry the "Demon keeps stealing your beautiful wife". :( Sadly those of us with PTSD tend to lash out the most at those we love the most. It has to do with us being comfortable with that person, knowing (hoping) that no matter how "bad" we get that they will still love us. Our spouses are our safety net, the one place where we can be our selves in this crazy messed up world; whether it be the good, the bad, or the ugly. It's not fair to our spouses and I hope your wife can learn how to fight fair for your sake and hers. Therapy has done wonders for me, but I had to go when I was ready. I hope for both of you that she's ready to go. Hang in there, and again welcome to the forums! :hug:'s to you. Raven

 

[Sweetpea76]

Welcome @Losty

This is a great place for supporters to get support for ourselves. PTSD is like a shitty demon stealing your loved one. I always say it's like walking through a field of rakes blindfolded... Once you start feeling comfortable *BAM* right in the face.

 

[Losty]

Welcome @Losty

This is a great place for supporters to get support for ourselves....

That pretty much sums it up. Today is a perfect example. Was going well. Got out and about.....and the ride starts. From smiling to a raised voice in 0 to 100. It was a misunderstanding. Doesn't matter. Trying to explain means I am fighting and if I'm fighting well then.....

 

[RavenGirl]

@Losty, I'm not saying this is what you did. But we sufferers (or we who are trying to get better) can be very sensitive and some times in your quest to"explain" voices are raised more than you think. Or sometimes it's not what you say, it's the tone that was used as things are said Thus triggering or stressing us; sometimes what's a "little or no big thing" to you is different or big to us.

 

[Sweetpea76]

... And sometimes tone or intention is assigned to innocent words or actions by a sufferer not managing their stressors well.

 

[Nicolette]

The thing I love best is how our frustration adds to their stress and we're responsible for making them ill... as if their stress doesn't add to ours!

 

[RavenGirl]

No one here said you were responsible for making them ill...:banghead: stress adds to stress no matter who's it is. And I'm done. :sour:

 

[Nicolette]

No one here said you were responsible for making them ill

And no one said you were saying that. We appreciate your feedback and input @RavenGirl :) however please note we are in the supporter forum so the thread's tone will take on a supporter's viewpoint which is neither right or wrong; it just is a different perspective from a sufferer.

 

[Mytime]

Welcome to the forum. It wasn't that long ago, that I was in your shoes. Looking for help and support. And all these beautiful people reached out to me, with no judgement, just kindness. I understand the feeling of having things thrown in your face. It can be things you know about or stuff you didn't even know bugged them. But please PLEASE don't take these things in. You will lost yourself and trust me when I say it can be hard finding your true self again. When I first started reading the posts and posted some of my own. I thought people where crazy (no Offense) when they would say, take care of yourself first. I thought how the hell am I going to take care of me, when my marriage and family are on the line. But they were all right. I had be be strong within myself to support the person I love. Set boundaries. Give her space, you can't fix her, you can't help her. But you can LOVE her and SUPPORT her. And we are all here to support you if you let us