Help, What's Next - Symptoms Increasing

[Monarch]

Moey, don't let money hold you in a place where you are scared, there is always a way out, always. You just have to be willing to find it.

 

[TScorpio1]

Wow, that's pretty tough. Honestly, things like that don't pop. I'm not a big person on pointing the finger at anyone, but to even subject you to that type of thing is quite frankly, abuse. There are several community organizations in all areas that help people in that type of situation. It could get worse, but for me, why wait. Especially with something like that. Really, if this was to continue to occur, you would be an "accomplice" should anything happen. You need to think about you first and deal with the rest later. I was lucky that my union had a housing loan so I could move to a more peaceful surrounding for me and my son and my sanity. Shop around in the phone book and also look to your county government, city organizations and national organizations. There's always a hand out to help, without having to be too specific as well; for your own protection for now.

I really wanted to say a lot more worse things, but I think you already feel the brunt of your experience and it doesn't help to have me saying my one, two, threes. . . I personally would get out or get him out. Period, no chance.

 

[9Lives]

As a victim of former childhood sexual abuse and mother to a 2 y/o, I feel absolutely sick right now and if I were you, I would leave him...Now. Then, I would call the police & have him dealt with. But, that's just me. I'm the one who took my grandfather to court when I was a kid & was disowned by my entire family for over 16 years. But, at least he never had a chance to hurt anyone else & I can rest easy knowing that!

 

[Deleted member 93]

Everyone is tippy toeing and I may piss you off but on this I do not care. First off Bec is off on her idea of sentencing here. Big time. Guys get caught WITH a kid normally get 5 years probation first time (I had a hub who is a detective now and did way too many backgrounds). Second PTSD and the like aside if you had spy ware **** that. I will be blunt and say if you know of something wrong then you are part of the problem by not standing up. PTSD is not an excuse. It does not excuse crimes nor a blind eye of yours. You need to turn your computer over to the police and those who REALLY know how to pull it apart and not contribute by ignoring. My first reaction would most likely be an axe to my desk - lap top (I still have temper issues)... But the wise moral choice would be to the local PD or the FBI (if U.S.). If you are not part of the solution you are part of the ... You figure it out. Sorry, I will not dress this up by any means to spare feelings.

I just got to this post and it left me ill and shaking. Do the right thing. Not what makes everyone comfortable and this is not something you can cover your eyes and it will go away. Again having PTSD is NOT an excuse. How many piles of shit need to accumulate in the cat box before it stinks so bad you need to take it out???

ETA - You can delete and so can he until the cows come home, the police can recover anything. Nothing is ever really deleted.

 

[zoe]

have to agree with veiled. In my opinion you are making excuses for yourself and for him, there are no excuses for his behavior. You need to go to the nearest police/FBI station and turn in the computer. You can get assistance finding a place to stay in small or large communities through the police department and various church groups/ etc. If need be, call a crisis center first. Just do something for yourself, those children, and any future children that could be effected by the person doing this shit! In my opinion the only right now you need to deal with, is immediately taking care of this. This isn't about having money or the right place to go - it's about doing the right thing.
I'm sorry that you are going through this and that he chose to put you in this position, but you need to stop it NOW!

jmp

 

[Moey]

Helpless and Alone

Thank you to all of those that replied to my posting.

I finally left him. He really did not feel there was anything wrong with reading child porn stories and said I was making too much out of it. He also said that he was fine if I wanted to sleep with other men. When I was upset over that comment (he has made it a few times) he said I was just upset he wasn't the jealous type. I said I was upset because he was committed to our marriage. He again said I was making too big of a deal out of it.

So I told him I couldn't live with these problems. He said fine, you don't like the apartment so you can move out. He said that if I wanted to make him the bad guy fine but I was the one with serious emotional problems. It was so cold.

I know everyone probably thinks of course you should have let the marriage go.

So why am I feeling so incredibly sad and upset? What is wrong with me that I can't just let it all go?

I can't sleep, eat and can hardly do my job part-time even.

It also brought back so many childhood memories.

I want desperately to move on but I feel stuck in a box with no where to go in life.

Can someone please make some suggestions on how to deal with this.

I don't know why I am not just relieved....what is wrong with me?

Thanks everyone!

 

[morgan]

I'm afraid you might just have to go through this a moment at a time. do you have any other support system besides this forum? If not maybe you should get some help. God knows you don't need to go through this alone. I'm having a hard time just reading this. You must be in hell. Please see a therapist or clergy or something. you're obviously in crisis. I don't know, this is the best I have to offer on this one. My heart goes out to you.

 

[Eagle]

It seems to me it comes down to what you are willing to live with. Someone said you are between a rock and a hard place. What is the worst possible outcome you can imagine for any of the actions or inactions you take? Which of those are you willing to live with months or years from now? This has to be a very painful position for you and I am sorry there is no easy way out for you. Again which option can you live with in times to come? For those of us who have been severly abused sexually it is a very emotional issue so I will give no opinion on what move to make as I cannot be objective.
Eagle

 

[Deleted member 487]

Moey, I never did well at sugar-coating anything. That I am well known for.
1. Call the police. What you described would be more than likely considered by them as kiddie porn. Maybe I'm wrong about this. Only you and he know.
2. While he's in jail, pack and leave. And don't tell anyone but your own blood-family where you're going.

You owe it to yourself to keep yourself safe. And if YOU don't nip this now, it may get nipped later on by someone else, and if you have previous knowledge of his activity yet do nothing, you could face some liability to the matter.

 

[becvan]

Moey you are not relieved because you are going through leaving someone you loved. That is hard, no matter the reasons. It hurts like hell. You have to go through a grieving process, for not only what you did lose in that relationship, but for losing your dreams for the future with that relationship. There is nothing wrong with you. Your going through a very emotional time.

Expecting yourself to be happy, relieved and let it all go is completely unreasonable. Give yourself time to be upset, to be hurt, to cry, be lonely etc.. You deserve that. Cut yourself some slack here...

Hang in there...

bec

 

[just tina]

You know how it's often said that victims of abuse get into abusive situations to re-live them? I think that's bull. If someone has been victimized and helpless long enough, then the alarms will stop going off because most people can't live with the abuse, the helplessness, and the alarms going off at the same time.

I am convinced that many victims of abuse suffer recurring abuse because they don't hear the alarms that most people do. The world is not running low on predators, and it is easy for them to spot a victim and do a few quick tests to find out if they have easy prey.

Good job leaving the guy. FIND A WAY TO TURN YOUR ALARMS BACK ON!!! You might want to do some research on sociopathy, too. Once you understand it, you'll recognize the pig no matter what color of lipstick it's wearing.