Help With Triggers

[Sad Nicola]

Hi

I know exactly where you're coming from on this. I have been persecuted by someone for the last 5 years and there is no prospect of it stopping. I startle every time the phone rings, every time my mobile receives a text, every time letters drop onto the doormat. I can't answer the door anytime. It is truly awful just waiting for the next event to happen.

I haven't got all the answers but am learning to cope with the apprehension. Just knowing the most powerful triggers helps a lot as when triggered, I can 'catch' myself and rationalise some of the fear away. I think that the way forward is to do much as you have been doing, and that is empowering yourself by consistently refusing to be bullied. Eventually that could work, but it may take a long time. The need for control seems to be such a common feature of PTSD.

I am also having some 'detraumatisation' treatment that is supposed to help, but it's too early to tell if it will work yet. It might be worth looking into if you have specific incidents that can be addressed. EMDR and rewind therapy are two detraumatisation therapies worth considering. If some of the worst incidents can be neutralised then the fear will diminish somewhat.

I do feel for you and for everyone who has been tortured in this way. I know I let it go on because the perpetrator is a kind of family member and is a vulnerable, mentally ill individual. I felt sorry for him so didn't take the necessary steps to control the situation for far too long.

Hope you find some solace from the support on this forum, which is truly a lifeline for people like us. Know that you are not alone and people here understand and are here for you, no matter how bad it gets.

Sad Nicola

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Hi Janie,
I'm glad you're here. I just joined, and your experience and everyone's posts here resonate!

I have a stalker in my life, too.
Since then, I've noticed that people who tend to be obsessive and intrusive in my life really trigger me, as your mother-in-law is doing with you.

The best that I've come up with is to gently cut communication and access in ways that they hardly even notice, and hope they turn their attentions elsewhere.
It takes a while, and initially they hate it and can get angry, but it seems to work.
The book that Josephson recommends has been very helpful.

Because it's your husband's mom who is giving you a hard time, it's most likely he isn't going to want to understand. Please don't take it personally, even though his support and protection would be wonderful.

I'm wishing you strength and comfort...