He's Back

[Pana]

We've stayed in contact, but didn't try to maintain the relationship. Maybe a few texts a week. Sometimes more. It's been six months since I had seen him.
Everything went fine. Talked and cut up like we have always done.
He explained how it feels like it has to be all or nothing with me. But he was trying to stop thinking like that. That's why he came over.
He said he wanted to do something, but didn't want to hurt me, when he pulls away again. He said he will disappear again. It's just what he does, he said. It's the PTSD. (which is the first time I've actually heard him admit PTSD, I just have known about it for a while from being so familiar with it)
We just stood there holding each other. It felt so amazing having his arms around me again.
I'm trying so hard not to want to fall back into pursuing more. I haven't tried, but this man has my heart.
Why does he keep coming back to me, but not let anything become of it?

 

[Iru]

My best friend (another woman) is PTSD and I am too, of course. Sometimes we get together every month or so, but she has been distant for quite some time now and not answered my texts, FB messages etc. I am happy for you that for the time being he is back in your arms and willing to be with you. I have hope that she will come back to me too. I miss her, but I know how it can be. Sometimes we just don't feel like talking, explaining, or saying much of anything.

My niece is PTSD too, and she will reach out to me in a crisis, and then withdraw a little (not completely) when it is over. It is rough riding out the times when they pull away, so I feel for you!

 

[Pana]

My best friend (another woman) is PTSD and I am too, of course. Sometimes we get together every month or so, but she has b...

But he isn't willing to be with me. He said he can't. Not that he doesn't want to, but he can't.

So why keep coming back? He was gone. It was done.

Yes, we held each other, but he wouldn't even kiss me. Even though I could tell he wanted to.

Then thought I was mad at him. But wouldn't tell me why he thought I was mad. I wasn't mad at all.

 

[Mope]

Oh, well that changes things. Thanks for the further explanation.

I guess this was some kind of closure for him maybe?

 

[Icu]

Because we are innately social creatures who long for human companionship. PTSD does not take away our biological drives. We still want human interaction.

A war of worlds.

Biology tells us to be social creatures, I mean the survival of the species sort of depends on it, right?

PTSD makes us withdraw.

These aspects are at odds with each other.

 

[Pana]

Because we are innately social creatures who long for human companionship. PTSD does not take away our biological drives....

Why me? Why keep coming back to me only shut me out again?

He's being responsive to texts now. But he said he was going to come back over the next day, but didn't respond to me for a few days. So needless to say he didn't come back over.

My friend seems to think his feelings for me, must have gotten triggered again being around me and he had to pull away to recover.

 

[Hokoj]

I think you probably nailed it when you say he feels he has to be all or nothing to you. He's probably not up to being "all" so thinks it's better to be nothing.
I have PTSD and I hate thd thought of hurting someone else, but I also would find it pretty much impossible to be "all" for someone right now.
I would hate to fail to live up to the expectations of another, esp Iv they felt like big ones, and then maybe be on the end of blame and resentment.
It sounds like he does really care for you but maybe knows he can't give you what you need.
Im not a fan of catch ups after breakups with no resolution in sight (though I've experienced that too). It just opens the wounds again. Who needs that

 

[Pana]

I think you probably nailed it when you say he feels he has to be all or nothing to you. He's probably not up to being...

Yeah. I just wish I could convince him that, I'll be happy with what he can give, just to have him.
I'm more than willing to adapt to what he needs. I know this will never be a "normal" relationship. But he's with it to me.
When he said all or nothing, I told him it didn't have to be. He said he just can't get out of his own head. So I'm not gonna push.
But I really do miss him. This made me miss him more.

 

[Setuw]

Do you know what his struggles are and why he feels to vulnerable?

 

[Mali]

Do you know what his struggles are and why he feels to vulnerable?

I know he has been hurt. A LOT.
He has been cheated on by every single relationship. And I know it is probably because of the PTSD and the isolation it brings. How he shuts down. Most people will seek emotional closeness elsewhere, and they cheat.

I have told him over and over, I will not hurt him. He says he has heard that more times than they can count, and he always ends up hurt. I really think he knows I won't hurt him. THis has been going on too long, and I have been by his side the whole time. Even when he shut me out, I still kept in contact. Even when he wouldnt respond, I still checked in.

I think that may scare him, too. I think he knows I wont do what they did and he doesnt know how to take being treated right

 

[Gefep]

Most people who have had more than one incident of something bad BELIEVE they attract that and don't see a way out.