General He's Bottoming Out Today. How Do I Help Him?

[amethist]

Hi Lunada

I have no comments about your bills, as this is something you will some how have to deal with.

Your husband is another matter.

As you are I am a supporter, but I am not the one to fix my husband when he is in crisis. I am there to support him as he works through what ever has put him in that state.

Like tonight, his balance has gone and I am supporting him physically when he needs it, but cannot fix it for him. This has been caused through his head spinning at a 100 miles an hour all day, until this is the outcome.

Like his balance I could not fix that, it was up to him to calm himself down and sort his own head out.

You are not responsible for how your husband reacts to what ever it is that has set him off, it is up to him.

 

[Lunada94]

Thank you. I'm at a loss to understand how to help him. He says he feels I am not supporting him, yet when I ask him what I can do to help him at that moment he says "nothing. And stop asking me that.". I do things for him like take on chores he normally would do, keep the kids calm and out of the way, lower the lights and TV noise so he can relax better...but still he says I'm not doing enough.

Is it just the PTSD that makes him say this? Or am I missing something?

 

[amethist]

Sounds like he needs to do more to help himself Lunada, not expect you to do it for him. He needs to learn what helps himself, what works when he is stressed, what works when he needs to reduce the anxiety. None of it easy, but it up to him to learn all he can to do these things.

If he is no where near ready for EMDR, he still has a lot to work on himself.

You are wife first supporter second, and he needs to remember that fast. You are not his therapist either, something maybe you need to learn.

It takes time and hard work from both of you, but in different ways.

 

[mub]

Lunada

From my own circumstance I can speak to a similar vain.

{deleted my :poop: cos you don't need to hear me}

I think that it is PTSD making him say those things.. And I have to believe that for my wife too. Because if not I am hurting myself for nothing.

I am new here because I need something to try and get me through and I found you all when I am most in need. So thank you all.

I recently came to understand that I needed to preserve me too. And I highly recommend it.
I have been pushed to deep depression by this - which I now have under control - but .. don't let yourself go there. You cant help anyone in that state.

amethist speaks of the hard work it takes... as a supporter it makes my partner just plain nasty. I love her, but at the moment I don't like her. My "job" seems to be to turn the other cheek.. and turn ... and turn...
I hope I have enough cheeks for this episode.

There are others on here who can tell you the work of a sufferer. It sounds daunting, but I haven't walked that path.