my name's kes. i'm 18 and feeling pretty lost and alone. life story incoming.
my father was neglectful and abusive (not on purpose) and my mother worked enough that she was never home, probably to get away from him. i was isolated at home due to our location, and only left our small house for school, which meant a lot of time spent in close quarters with my father. long story short, i flinch real easy, and i have some serious trust issues regarding anyone over 25.
my druggie cousin lived on our property when i was in elementary school to help my mom's friend make meth. i have a memory of him sexually abusing me. i do not remember exactly how old i was or how long it went on. i was also coerced into having sex with a girl and her friends for years when i was 10.
my sister was bullied at school for being autistic, and me for being just generally odd and a sibling of an autistic person. my sister used to get CPS called on us a lot, but no one there ever did anything because my mother used to work for them.
my mother finally sent me to therapy when i was 12 (because she thought i was gay and being bullied again), and i hopped from therapist to therapist, getting (mis?)diagnosed with a myriad of things that run in the family (bipolar, SAD, GAD, schizo-something that wasn't schizophrenia, i don't remember the rest). at one point conduct disorder was brought up. my father refused to give me medication because he didn't believe in mental illness.
i ran away from home at 16, living with strangers who were kind enough to house and feed me. i haven't lived with my parents since. i've coped by changing my name and personality, and trying to forget my childhood ever happened. there's too much and all of it is terrifying, painful, or humiliating.
it's been two years and i haven't improved as much as i'd wanted to. i got diagnosed with PTSD last year, and oddly, i never considered it as something i might have before, but it explains a lot. i stopped seeing the psych person shortly after she diagnosed me so i couldn't explore it further, but i'm fairly certain it's complex PTSD.
i'm currently living with a friend. i have my GED, but it's hard for me to get or hold a job. i have no psych help or support system (no one knows the full extent of my abuse) and i am afraid to approach the subject with anyone because i don't want or know how to handle pity. all the support groups in the area are for vets. i'm hoping this forum might help me process what's happened to me somehow, or offer a break from the isolation. nice to meet everyone.
my father was neglectful and abusive (not on purpose) and my mother worked enough that she was never home, probably to get away from him. i was isolated at home due to our location, and only left our small house for school, which meant a lot of time spent in close quarters with my father. long story short, i flinch real easy, and i have some serious trust issues regarding anyone over 25.
my druggie cousin lived on our property when i was in elementary school to help my mom's friend make meth. i have a memory of him sexually abusing me. i do not remember exactly how old i was or how long it went on. i was also coerced into having sex with a girl and her friends for years when i was 10.
my sister was bullied at school for being autistic, and me for being just generally odd and a sibling of an autistic person. my sister used to get CPS called on us a lot, but no one there ever did anything because my mother used to work for them.
my mother finally sent me to therapy when i was 12 (because she thought i was gay and being bullied again), and i hopped from therapist to therapist, getting (mis?)diagnosed with a myriad of things that run in the family (bipolar, SAD, GAD, schizo-something that wasn't schizophrenia, i don't remember the rest). at one point conduct disorder was brought up. my father refused to give me medication because he didn't believe in mental illness.
i ran away from home at 16, living with strangers who were kind enough to house and feed me. i haven't lived with my parents since. i've coped by changing my name and personality, and trying to forget my childhood ever happened. there's too much and all of it is terrifying, painful, or humiliating.
it's been two years and i haven't improved as much as i'd wanted to. i got diagnosed with PTSD last year, and oddly, i never considered it as something i might have before, but it explains a lot. i stopped seeing the psych person shortly after she diagnosed me so i couldn't explore it further, but i'm fairly certain it's complex PTSD.
i'm currently living with a friend. i have my GED, but it's hard for me to get or hold a job. i have no psych help or support system (no one knows the full extent of my abuse) and i am afraid to approach the subject with anyone because i don't want or know how to handle pity. all the support groups in the area are for vets. i'm hoping this forum might help me process what's happened to me somehow, or offer a break from the isolation. nice to meet everyone.
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