Sufferer Heyo! PTSD and ongoing street harassment

[user56976]

Hii!

Name's Eric. 21 years old. Lives in the US of A. Any pronouns and gendered words are cool as I am bigender. I am also autistic.

Had abusive parents that I cut off after being kicked out of their house a few months after I turned 18. Mandated reporters and the police did nothing my whole life. I worry for my brothers in that situation (now 7 and 14), who I was not allowed to say goodbye to and who I have lost contact with. Especially because the first time I reported it to CFS a few years ago, they spelled my last name wrong in the system and thus were not monitoring the kids! I only found out after I called them again a second time this year at the advice of my PCP and was told they did not have any records of my previous report in the system. Ouch, to say the least! Especially because they are at constant risk of being killed. Feels like no one's been taking it seriously over there, and like I'm just waiting for it to become a tragic news headline. :/

This is the tip of the iceberg, but is really the main defining trauma for me.

In present day, I am living extremely far away from my abusive parents. I'm a lot happier than before, especially living with my now-fiancé. But as a femme presenting person with no car in a rural-ish area, I face street harassment that has gotten so bad that I started carrying a fluorescent colored aluminum bat everywhere within the town, poking out of my backpack. It stopped completely when I started doing that... Until last night, when I got harassed in a new and interesting way by a rando, a lady this time. :/ I'll detail this in a different post.

One of the things I'm tired of is people acting like I'm delusional/paranoid, that I'm somehow doing something wrong that is causing me to get harassed, or that carrying pepper spray (not a visible deterrent), a hidden baton (also not a visible deterrent), or a gun (not allowed in most establishments) would be better than an aluminum bat (something that is not necessarily a weapon but that poses a very visible threat to both people in and out of cars that causes them to avoid harassing me.... mostly). I have thought through how I do safety in a very thorough way, and it is so annoying when people suggest things I have already considered and ruled out. If I want advice, I'll ask for it. I'm hoping to be more heard and less nitpicked here about my predicament.

It is nice to meet you. c: Hope yall are having a good day, and if not, that you'll feel better soon!

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum

 

[Survivor3]

Hiya @rockangeleric welcome to the site

 

[Friday]

- First off??? Welcome to the community!


- Secondly? Prepare to either get pissed the hell off, or -lightbulb- FLOODING RELIEF, someone gets it AND has a solution in their back pocket?!? There’s very little in-between. Although, occasionally, both do happen… there’s almost never middle ground.

The “avoidance” symptom of PTSD? Means that nearly all of us have gotten all hyperfixated on bullshit & nonsense, as a way to avoid the “real” trauma… that we’re FINE with. Seriously. Yes it was f*cked up, & no I don’t care. Not about that. Not for me. I recognize wrong, lasting effects, blah blah blah, but it’s not the real & relevant problem. Because what is seriously f*cking me up, and brutal in my life …right NOW, that needs managing, right NOW… is this.

“This”? Is a fart in a windstorm. Shrug. And virtually no one ever gives a f*ck. Even though it is wreaking havoc on our lives. Which is brain breaking confusing, isolating, invalidating, alienating, list goes on. Water is wet, hello! Why the hell are people disagreeing with water being wet??? Idiots. f*cktards. Assholes. What the hell is wrong with people?!?

They’re called “stressors” in psychobabble, and are akin to triggers; both in the WHOMPING HUGE WEIGHT & EFFECT they have on our lives, and that they’re tied to our “I’m fine” trauma histories with superglue.

((That solution I have in my back pocket, if you’ve gotten this far? >>> Stressor vs. Trigger - What Is A Trigger? ))

Because, yep! Still talking. Coin in the air, if you’re still reading… so I wanted to get that actually useful & brilliant link up, before pressing the rest of what’s turned into a novel…



3 - Speaking as someone who grew up travelling, and has spent about half of their adult life traveling? >>> The street harassment you’re eyeballs deep in? Is a small-town problem. Still TOTALLY happens in big cities. But only in certain neighborhoods, and here’s why:

Every small town has its own accepted/ignored illegality. WHAT that one slice is, varies, town by town. In some it’s smuggling, or drugs (growing, trafficking, etc.), or DWI, or poaching, or fighting, or moonshine, or taxes, or undocumented labor, or power hierarchy (top down, pr bottom up), or, or, or, or. There tends to be either a state-wide (in the US) or region wide (both US & abroad) FLAVOR of shrugged off crime. What’s accepted, understood, and largely ignored.

In big cities? Gangland behavior is largely ignored in Gangland, but not tolerated outside of those neighborhoods. Pill popping, felony-fraud, & corruption (of every flavor), etc. is tolerated in wealthy neighborhoods, but smacked down brutally almost everywhere else. Catcalls, street harassment, etc., is tolerated in temporary hotspots (construction sites get the blame as they’re the most long-term-temporary, but it’s reeeeeeally any area with temporary residents getting a thrill in the short term; the bar districts, ships at port, universities, etc. are all high up on the list of temporary people behaving badly). <<< SMALL TOWNS who tolerate that kind of ongoing harassment bullshit??? Are most commonly border towns who ignore racist assholes, football towns with a boys will be boys attitude, insulated towns who DO NOT depend on tourism harassing strangers, etc., etc., etc..

^^^ AKA in the wrong neighborhood of a big city? You’ll be met with as much, or more, assholery… with just as little done about it. Even in big cities known for their acceptance & inclusion of whatever group you belong to that it’s “okay” to hate in other cities… Like LGBTxyz-cities like SanFransisco, Portland, Seattle, NYC, have neighborhoods that are more homophobic than a Montana small town where the gay kid is okay to kill by dragging behind your truck, meanwhile there are small towns in Montana which will shoot everyone who even glares at the gay kid.

Point being? COMMUNITIES of people, all follow their own rules.

Small towns? Rural-esque places? The “rules” vary, place by place. CITIES? Vary by neighborhood. Change neighborhoods, and all the “rules” change, too.

Your street harassment? Is a byproduct of the small town you live in/near, where THEIR RULES say it’s okay to f*ck with you. Even if it’s illegal statewide, and nationwide, it’s not policed/abjured locally. It takes 2-3 generations to change local “rules” of behavior. Laws? Are changed by violence or favors. “Rules” are changed by popularity.

- Speaking as a TRAVELLER? Move. f*ck these assholes. Find somewhere you ADORE. Live your best life, to your fullest potential.

- Speaking as an anthropologist? The “rules” that change start with a single “out group” person being liked by a group of “in group” people, who are liked by an even larger group of “in group” people, who start standing up against “accepted” doctrine of other “in groupers”. It always, always, always, takes a couple/few generations… it is a trickle that grinds down the Grand Canyon, not a flood… even on a “neutral” palette. So, if that’s YOUR choice/best life? Stay. Be the person who changes everything, for everyone, not just people like you, but everyone around you & yours & them & theirs; by first building alliances, then accomplices, then the status f*cking quo, bitch. <<< But there are already places where people have done that. And have been doing that. For decades and generations. That you can step into their grandparents, and great grandparents successes. And just be you. Because of them. And their friends. Whose names you will -likely- never know. The shoulders of giants. Or? Be a giant.

No. Wrong. Choice. Being a giant, or standing on the shoulders of giants… is a win/win.

4. If you haven’t seen it already? You might really enjoy??? identify??? IDFK, it’s an adjective??? This piece >>>

<<< I do. Shrug. But all rules? Are local. Don’t like them? Go somewhere else, or change them, or suffer them. I’m not a fan of suffering. Sometimes? Needs must. If not? Popsicle stands.

 

[bee60]

sorry, error when commenting. :)
Welcome! I’m new here as well. I wanted to say I know how scary street harassment can feel. I lived a few years of my life suffering the same, to the point that I began wearing baggy clothes to hide my body, stopped doing my makeup and hair, even deliberately gained 30 pounds. For me, for whatever reason, kicked my fight response into overdrive.

Something that I’ve always considered, and did successfully do at one point in my life as a visible and successful deterrent to this type of harassment, was getting a very large, scary looking dog.

He was a sweet, very good boy. A German Shepherd. He would in fact, lick my face and refuse to get off my lap at home. However, on one occasion on a walk, a man pulled up to me in a truck, and refused to leave. He wanted to tell me how pretty, etc etc. My sweet pup bared his teeth, and that was all the man needed to see. He immediately knew my dog was a threat. (My pups protectiveness surprised even me.) Just something to consider, from someone who’s been there and knows how terrible it feels.

I’m new here too, and im glad we both found the site. May we both find the healing and support we’re looking for. I’m always here if you need to vent or talk.

Have a good day :)

Bee

 

[Paul-]

In response to PTSD and Ongoing Street Harassment...


Your post discusses some failures in a government system that in turn are letting down many people in our society, whether it be where you live or anywhere else for that matter.
Starting with the first part of your post, you were forced to leave home just after you turned eighteen years old and from what you've written, your parents treated you badly.
Nothing was ever done about your situation whilst living with your abusive parents and now, although you have left their home and care, you are concerned about your younger brothers as they still live with (therefore under the care of) your parents.
There's no excuses for the failings of the professionals (mandated reporters) who were involved in your family's affairs because from what you have written, nothing was ever done about your situation.
To add more disappointment, when you reached out to the police, they didn't seem to be of much help to you either.
Obviously it's important to look at things from different perspectives in a situation like yours, such as when someone (a professional like a social worker, nurse, police officer and so on) visits your home and family.
It needs to be borne in mind that people who are abusive (like your parents) can have an ability to be very clever and quickly find a way of manipulating the professionals when they visit and convince them nothing is wrong.
There can be questions raised as to how thorough any professional visitors are, due to their own constraints regarding the time limitations imposed upon their visits.
Then add another lethal combination to the mix and that is the fact there are just not enough staff, time, resources, facilities, finance and anything else that create problems/delays when dealing with a public health and welfare system.
The same can be said regarding the police.
Sadly, the tragic situation is that many of these law, health and care professionals are seriously dedicated to their roles and want to help out as best as they can for their community.
However. They, themselves are forever let down by the government system (and it's the same all over the world) in which funding, bureaucracy and all manner of reasons are created in order to reduce the state health/welfare service for those in need (in particular, low income, or financially destitute people and their families).
What you have written will certainly resonate with many people reading your post and it's very understandable for you to feel anger, frustration and not knowing where to turn for help.
Adding more to your woes was a simple, small mistake that in all fairness can happen to anyone, anytime and anywhere.
Yes... It was a small mistake but for you, a costly one because it meant you couldn't follow up on any investigations that would have resulted through your reporting.
As we all know, computer systems require thorough accuracy when filling in any forms and it only takes a small mistake to result in the whole process needed in someone's application to become void or not being able to call up the details at a later date.
Had things been done more efficiently, the social workers would have contacted you quickly because they would have spotted the error earlier, informed you of their mistake and the issue would have been rectified.
Again... It goes back to the staff working to maximum capacity, possibly doing two or three jobs at once and not giving full attention to detail (such as your name being spelled incorrectly) all because they are working to very tight deadlines and a very limited budget.
Therefore creating more delays because the procedure needed to access the files and connect them to your correct name would need to undergo a series of security checks to ascertain you are indeed the correct family member to share any information with.
It must be very frustrating for yourself and it needs to be appreciated that this problem is now affecting so many people to a point where it's becoming an international, world wide crisis.
There are so many families suffering with various problems (such as any form of abuse), yet there is not sufficient help available to deal with so many people in crisis and so many families suffering.
All we can keep doing is highlight these issues to make everyone aware of a current crisis that is forever growing to greater proportions, unless new ways can be found to deal with it.
Just keep on with making your enquires and be persistent in getting the information needed in order to help your brothers. Hopefully, your concerns will be attended to and the welfare team will keep checking on your family, but you may need to keep reminding them.
It's unfortunate, but it's probably the only way you'll be able to help your family... Just work with the welfare team as best as you can.
You are currently living far away from your family home and parents, have a partner and embracing your new home and life.
However. There are problems of a different kind you face and although not family related, these are problems that can cause so much misery and completely ruin your life because it's a battle for survival right on your front door.
Street harassment can become extremely frightening, not only because it happens in the street which is bad enough, but when it is local to where you live, you have the associated risk of the perpetrators following you home.
Life's hard enough without having to deal with these issues that cause great stress and ongoing misery.
People become afraid to leave their homes, even to get their groceries and essentials but need to take the risk in order to do so because like yourself, they don't have a car.
Not having a car can present a higher risk because it means people who need to walk or use public transport become more exposed to these scoundrels lurking about on street corners, bus stops, alleyways and small shopping areas where many people of low financial means use these vital businesses within their local community.
Not only does this create misery for the residents, but the trouble makers undermine the value of small businesses trying their hardest to earn a living in a community which is suffering financial hardship.
It's a situation that seems to be secretly and quietly encouraged, causing so much misery in many communities where the people are struggling to just get on with their day to day lives and small businesses face the ever growing costs of keeping financially stable but risk closure because of crime, vandalism and street harassment.
All contributing to these small, struggling businesses (like grocery stores) having to pay higher security and insurance costs and then eventually having to close, resulting in dereliction, leaving the community without vital services and having to travel further, resulting in more costs to the residents of struggling town.
Carrying an aluminium bat everywhere you go is understandable and you are only doing so for your protection because you fear being attacked.
Yet sadly, a true reflection of how our societies are today.
However. There are downsides to carrying any kind of weapon, whether it be a bat, a gun, a knife, pepper spray or anything else for that matter.
Firstly. You brandish the weapon when being threatened, you will inflame the situation further and make your aggressors want to rise to the challenge of fighting you because of the weapon.
You also will risk prosecution yourself for even carrying any kind of weapon or if you injure anyone as a result of you using the weapon to defend yourself.
There's also a risk of you getting hurt by your own weapon, if the attacker manages to seize the weapon and use it against you.
However. In our societies worldwide today, people are at a complete loss as to knowing what to do in order to protect themselves, their families, their property and the risk of just walking along the street to the shops (as you already know), possible harassment and resulting injury are significantly high.
If the truth be known, there are many people who are either seriously considering carrying a weapon or already are because they are now so frightened to walk alone at night (or even the day).
When it comes to law enforcement, the street situation you are dealing with has similarities to when you were trying to help your brothers...
There just isn't enough time, resources, finance, understaffed and overworked police forces trying to do what they can within the restrictions imposed upon them.
Followed by more police station/law enforcement closures and government cutbacks, all contributing to an ever growing crisis facing a bewildered and struggling society.
Both law enforcement, health and social welfare are under government attack and (as you have already experienced) there is sadly a price to be paid which is borne by the law abiding people.
What of these idiots who cause the harassment to passers by on the streets? Should they be in school? College? Working? What homelife do they have?
What is there for them within the community they live in?
Of course. The last thing you need is someone offering sympathy for these individuals (or usually groups) who are causing you so much misery because in fairness, it's not helping your situation.
However. Yet again, it all becomes entwined together to a government system that is actually encouraging all of these problems in a society that is hitting a crisis point when it comes to these matters.
Whether it be crime, mental health, family issues, housing and community issues. It all becomes connected together to form what is already a crisis that is only going to get worse.
Another problem adding to your woes is the question. What can be done about your street harassment? The answer being... Not a great deal, unfortunately.
On the subject of punishment, there's very little they can do... Perhaps issue a warning such as tell them to behave or face a fine - or charge and punish them for causing distress to the public...
But the police just haven't the resources to do so, therefore they can't really do anything where these people (usually teenagers) are concerned.
The police are under constant scrutiny and are accountable to the public.
Police can't use physical restraint or force against these people (especially if they are only children), as they are merely just hanging around the street corners or wherever and can insist they are doing nothing wrong.
It's a genuine dilemma without real answers...
Perhaps more security forces should be employed (and empowered) on the streets to remove these trouble makers and deal with them accordingly and it could be achieved if the governments seriously wanted to.
Another point to note with regard to having to carry weapons is the fact that nobody should be feeling that way about leaving their own home and feeling so frightened of being either harassed, name called, bullied or even being physically attacked.
Bearing in mind as people become more confident at harassment, they can progress onwards to becoming even more nasty/violent.
We certainly need more officers patrolling the streets and being a visible presence in order to curtail the harassment, crime and other disorders on our streets.
Sadly there's a cruel combination in which the governments (wherever you live in the world) are not providing the financial resources to maintain a police system that really needs to be growing in order to deal with yet another evolving crisis.
There's a growing number of people committing crimes (including harassment) and a growing number of people afflicted by crime, yet there just doesn't seem to be the resources available to tackle the problem.
To make matters worse, our societies world wide are facing the same problem with regard to not knowing what to do, where to turn for help and the overstretched government authorities (such as law) just don't really know what to do either.
The perpetrators become more confident, sophisticated and develop an understanding of how to override the legal system, resulting in their criminal activity escalating, progressing, yet the legal system that should be protecting us has it's own struggles.
You are understandably tired of being labelled as delusional and paranoid but let's just be fair and brutally honest... More of us are becoming paranoid, though using the word 'delusional' could be considered unsuitable because (truthfully) none of us are delusional when it comes to being fearful of leaving our homes.
It's not delusion, it's reality and unfortunately a problem that is escalating to proportions that are well out of our control and even the government's control.
The fact that people are now resorting to carrying weapons in order to protect themselves from harm is an indication of the lack of trust in a system that should be providing the protection - rather than members of the public carrying weapons.
To make matters even worse, anyone carrying some kind of weapon, only needs to get scared, angry or confused in some way and could easily end up using their weapon against an innocent bystander who was doing nothing wrong.
Sadly, we are living in a world where people don't trust each other, consider others as enemies and let's be brutally honest and face the reality...
We just don't know who could turn against us at any time when we are out and about - just going about our business - such as walking to the shops or home.
Going back to those people harassing you. What they are doing is totally unjustified, but at the same time they are part of a growing number of people who are living their lives without any direction, purpose or meaning.
This is a massive, world wide problem. No direction, feelings of uselessness, no hope, anger, bitterness, being constantly told what would be good for them, handed promises that are quickly broken, getting poorer and under some kind of control for the benefit making wealth for others. The list can go on.
A society of people at risk of becoming involved in crime, movements against others that cause division, hurting others and causing conflict with one another.
It all comes over as being dramatic, yet it is the truth.
They are causing trouble as a way of expressing their own disappointment at what life has in store for them and they don't know for themselves what life's journey has to offer...
Today, people are becoming so lost with regard to direction in life because the full reality of the situation is, they are being lead astray by so many different forces and herded into some kind of oblivion.
The young people are often criticised and blamed for their own demise which can be considered understandable, yet in many ways they are being betrayed by a system which encourages them to hang out on the streets.
As more charities, community projects, help centres and any other sources of help come under attack through government financial cut-backs and the crisis that is ever growing resulting to more and more suffering with their mental health and not able to receive sufficient state help.
Add to it all the pressures of not getting stable employment and the crisis affecting us all with regards the ever increasing costs in order to live.
People are forever becoming more divided through media manipulation, causing more anger, frustration and a nasty, compulsive urge to lash out... Yes... People all have choices, but they are somehow encouraged into conflict with one another.
There is of course, the lack of policing on the streets and resources to deal with the ever growing crime rate (which is getting worse, despite academics trying to tell us otherwise). Putting aside clever statistics, as you are already experiencing, the problem is growing on the streets.
There's so much anger coming from within the people and much of it is caused through their own frustrations at life and they are without direction and forever searching for some kind of salvation, yet finding nothing but a dead-end or being trapped in a corner.
What is genuinely needed is a unification of thought and understanding in which many of us need to realise that we are all being pushed into conflict with one another, resulting in aggression throughout our societies.
Many people are searching for answers when perhaps they need to search for the questions... Many lost, divided souls all hoping for some form of salvation.
It's a massive task ahead and certainly one of our the biggest challenges, but we all need to keep fighting forward and remember that there's a forever growing population that needs to focus on working together as one.




Paul...