Jubilation4Me
Bronze Member
I've done quite a bit of reading here over the last few weeks. I've found alot of very useful information and discussion, so I decided to join the forum too.
I am a chronic C-PTSD sufferer. I can't remember in all of my 47 years, when my family wasn't dysfunctional. My mother was very abusive to me on a regular basis since I was 6 years old. This included physical, verbal, and emotional abuse and neglect. My parents divorced when I was 9 years old, and everything really went down hill from that time on. I also suffered from sexual abuse in my childhood at the hands of 3 different men. I was too afraid to let anyone know about it, mainly because I was so terrified of what my mother would do to me for allowing such things to happen. Not to mention the humiliation factor. I grew up to be, for lack of a better word, a "doormat", and continued to be one for several years. This in turn caused me to have two very "toxic" relationships with my former husbands. The latter ending in domestic violence and two restraining orders.
I've been fortunate enough to finally find a nice man. We've been together for several years now and they've been great for the most part. The last few months have been very chaotic for me and it's caused stress on my marriage and with my children. They don't really understand PTSD and are just now beginning to get familiar with what it really means. I guess I've done a fair job over the years of managing to be in control of my situation and myself. But, a few months ago, I was given some unexpected and upsetting news about my oldest child's health and well-being, and I just lost it and the PTSD took over. I am just now for the last few days, actually feeling a little bit like my old self again. Things have just been very scary and out of control for me. And this in turn, scared the whole family into thinking I had lost my last marble.
I've read so many things here that give me hope that I'll be better able to handle myself in the future with PTSD. I would like to say thank you to everyone for the encouraging posts and the genuine care that you seem to have for each other. You've helped me more than you know already.
I am a chronic C-PTSD sufferer. I can't remember in all of my 47 years, when my family wasn't dysfunctional. My mother was very abusive to me on a regular basis since I was 6 years old. This included physical, verbal, and emotional abuse and neglect. My parents divorced when I was 9 years old, and everything really went down hill from that time on. I also suffered from sexual abuse in my childhood at the hands of 3 different men. I was too afraid to let anyone know about it, mainly because I was so terrified of what my mother would do to me for allowing such things to happen. Not to mention the humiliation factor. I grew up to be, for lack of a better word, a "doormat", and continued to be one for several years. This in turn caused me to have two very "toxic" relationships with my former husbands. The latter ending in domestic violence and two restraining orders.
I've been fortunate enough to finally find a nice man. We've been together for several years now and they've been great for the most part. The last few months have been very chaotic for me and it's caused stress on my marriage and with my children. They don't really understand PTSD and are just now beginning to get familiar with what it really means. I guess I've done a fair job over the years of managing to be in control of my situation and myself. But, a few months ago, I was given some unexpected and upsetting news about my oldest child's health and well-being, and I just lost it and the PTSD took over. I am just now for the last few days, actually feeling a little bit like my old self again. Things have just been very scary and out of control for me. And this in turn, scared the whole family into thinking I had lost my last marble.
I've read so many things here that give me hope that I'll be better able to handle myself in the future with PTSD. I would like to say thank you to everyone for the encouraging posts and the genuine care that you seem to have for each other. You've helped me more than you know already.
