Supporter Hi... Boyfriend Has Ptsd

[Pebbles]

I am 46, my boyfriend 31. He has PTSD and does get support indiviually and in group settings. We have dated off and on for a little over a year. I want to obtain a better understanding of PTSD and how I can help, encourage and support him.

The only thing I really know is what it is and some of the things that cause it. He was in Iraq, so I know the cause. I have never asked him about the PTSD and I just let him tell me what he wants, when he wants.

I have noticed that his cocoon moods last year occurred about every 2 months. We have been together for 6 months straight this time and this is his first cocoon stage that he has had...the difference is that he has not completely cut me off this time, just needs his me time and space, but still see each other, just not every day.

I think I will be able to cope with the PTSD better if I have more information. I don't know if I can help him, as I have read that he must help himself and there is really nothing I can do, except be patient and understanding and give him his space and let him talk when and where he needs to.

Any incite is appreciated and if I can help others by my experience, that is another thing I would like. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi Pebbles and welcome to the forum:) There is a supporters section with a great bunch of people who understand what you have been going through. I suggest you go there and read the posts and post as you are able. It will give you some hope and help. I wish you the best. It is nice to meet you.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Pebbles and welcome.

I am pleased you found us. Take your time looking around and read the articles, especially those with the sticky pins.

Check out the supporters section, you will be made welcome and be with others who understand, you are not alone.

Wishing you peace
KP

 

[Taven Carlsen]

Welcome Pebbles. First thing you should know, from my position on the opposite side of this problem, is that he doesn't see things the same way you do. In my case I will "space out" without knowing it, even in the middle of talking to someone. And if someone's not even aware that they aren't aware... it's hard to know where to start with this stuff.

 

[Pebbles]

It is very hard for me because I love him so much. It hurts me that I know he is hurting and I can't help him. As I said, I have anxiety myself and being cutoff is one of the things that sets my anxiety off.

 

[RiverEDGE]

Hi Pebbles,
I'm new too and going through a similar situation. At first I didn't understand what was going on and became really clingy, which only made things worse. I've backed off now and let him come to me when he feels like it. It's been really hard for me, but it seems to be helping him. I know everyone's situation is a little different, but the support forum has been really helpful. Nice to meet you.

 

[Pebbles]

What is so crazy is that the more I read on the ptsd, I kinda feel like I went through alot of this myself. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for a year and a half and was constantly worried that he was going to leave me and it was so emotionally and mentally abusive. I left when it was getting physical. The constant threat of being abandoned was overwhelming and I would just go crazy! When he backed off from me the other day, I felt the same fear. UGH!

 

[celia]

Pebbles,

My name is Celia and I am exactly going through what you went through in the past and in the present.

My boyfriend is in Iraq right now and has imagined things and accused me and says he doesnt trust me.

He was home for almost a year and wow oh wow, every 3 weeks, he would get angry and go into a cocoon. Cocoon is the perfect word. He would shut me out and say off the wall things like he doesn't love me or respect me anymore etc. Very hurtful.

When it was good, I felt like the most beautiful women in the world and as time progressed....I felt that when we were in the happy loving state...I knew that the sands of time where we would turn upside down again would come.

I love him so much so I know its hard and heart wrenching to be adored one minute then the next thrown away like trash. I would love to talk more to you. We have to really both dig deep to find ourselves and what's best for us. We have to believe that we are good people and don't deserve this. At the same time, how do we let someone go that we love so much.

If I could only be him for one day, maybe I would be able to see more clearly. I would love to go the distance with him and see him through a healing process....but is this the right thing to do?

Take care of yourself and what's helped me get up in the morning each day is Bikram Yoga, it helps me find balance and healing. Prayers to you!

 

[Pebbles]

He has been good to me for the most part. The hardest part is just waiting for him to come out of it so we can be together again. It's as if he wants nothing at all to do with me and that hurts. I have read some of Anthony's explanations and it helps me understand. I do agree that the hardest part is to find ourselves and do what is best for us. The part that hurts the most is the thought that I may have to let him go. I would so go the distance with him and he knows that. It will just be if he can accept it, not that he doesn't want to, it will be only if the PTSD allows it.