Hi Everyone...

[bearpaw]

I was abused by my mothers boyfriend from age 4 to around 9 years old. I believe it stopped because either I was no longer within the age he liked or because I started to try to protect myself for asking for a lock on my door and setting up cans/bells on string to wake me in the night when he tried to get into my room. I will never know.
We stayed until I was 11 years old, it was a very abusive environment, I don't know how I survived it. This is the first time I am trying out online support for my trauma. Some other bad things have happened to me in my adult life as well. I am in counseling. Needless to say, this is a hard road to travel alone. So, thank you all for listening.

 

[Sun_Ray]

Hi Bearpaw,

I just joined here today and was moved by your post. I found that I'm suffering from the way I've treated myself because of the abuse more than I am from abuse memories themselves. PTSD...awesome.

 

[bearpaw]

Learning to love your self is hard. I was diagnosed with that too, glad to connect with you. I believe healing is possible, even though the road seems long.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Hi bearpaw and welcome to the forum. :)

It is an incredibly hard path to walk alone, I'm glad you're here and reaching out to others.

I think you're really strong and were from a very young age, I wish I had come up with the cans on string idea!


Regards, Ice_Fire

 

[bearpaw]

Thank you! I think every survival situation is different, I my case I felt that he wouldn't do it if I was awake, and it turned out that the coward only attacked if I was sleeping. But maybe in your case it wouldn't have stopped it, who knows. My heart goes out to those who have made it through.

 

[Ice_Fire]

To be fair, my abusers were deaf, so no, it wouldn't have stooped them! But I'd have been too frightened to do something along those lines to protect myself, like you so bravely did.

 

[MedicAsh]

Welcome to the forum! I hope you find support and comfort here.

 

[bearpaw]

Thank you! Me too, up until now I've been too scared to post anything on any of the internet, but I'm tired of being afraid all the time.

 

[Ice_Fire]

I don't like how scared you've been, its just that's exactly how I've felt. Joining the forum has really helped me the past few days.

Well done for coming on here, despite your fear...:)

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Bearpaw :wave:

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)