Sufferer Hi, Grew Up With Angry Alcoholic Parents

[AbsentFriend]

I've done therapy and 12-step meetings (adult children of alcoholics), as well as posted on ACA forums, but PTSD is a crucial part that I have't talked much about.

The nightmares mostly abated about a year ago, but a recent reminder that I will spend the rest of my life cleaning up someone else's mess left me with a flood of flashbacks yesterday.

Going back to an ACA meeting Monday.

I just want walk among other people without feeling like an alien, yet without having to hide inside myself in order to do so.

 

[intothelight]

Hi AbsentFriend,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum. There is no need to hide inside yourself here; and I believe as you read and navigate around this site, you will learn that you are not alone in your struggles. This site is a great resource for information and the support of the other members is amazing.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie

 

[woundedsoul]

Hi, I am an ACOA's myself. Despite being a fully grown woman, I still have issue's relative to childhood due to both parents being severe alcoholics, I just started going to meetings myself but stopped after most recent personal crisis. I found the meetings very helping in teaching us to take care of ourselves first. I no longer live with my parents obviously, but I do live with people with severe issue's, so the concept was useful to me, because otherwise they take you down with them. I personally understand the pain of growing up in an alcoholic home. Crazy, unpredictable, just to name a couple of the problems. Neglect and abuse was the environment I grew up in.

Welcome to this group. I hope you find comfort in solace in knowing you are not alone.

 

[LizardViolet]

My therapist had an observation that when you combine ptsd with abuse in childhood, there's a bit of cognitive dissonance. Twelve step programs suggest that you surrender control. PTSD healing can depend on taking control.

 

[woundedsoul]

what is cognitive dissonance? Yes, the AA, ACOA meetings teach you didn't cause it, can't control it and can't change it (other's alcoholism) and teach you to take care of yourself no matter what the chaos is going on around you in your environment caused by alcholism. The meeting are very, very helpful and teach a very healthy way of thinking and living with addiction problems caused by others.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi and welcome. I am a ACA too. I liked that group it was a good place to talk in. I hope you feel welcome here and will be able to share what is on your mind and heart.

It sounds like you have worked really hard on your self. Nice to meet you. Take care.

 

[evergreen]

Welcome to the forum. I grew up with alcoholic parents, and my dad was very angry and abusive. I hope you find sanctuary here. There are lots of caring souls here.

 

[Martin Taylor]

Me too, welcome. I can't do the 12 step thing, my father 12 stepped us to death (like his problem could be fixed by our knowledge of AA stuff?!) and I can't handle talking about it. This is a good place for us. When I got here about a year ago I felt a little alone with the ACOA part, not many people seemed to relate at first. But over time I met some more. I discovered the PTSD aspect about a year ago, still doing EMDR and therapy and getting a grip on it. Found out the influence of the non alcoholic parent and siblings. One big dysfunctional mess. Remembered the violence I wanted to forget, but now I can handle it. In addition to the violence, anger, denial, and unpredictability, don't forget the rampant invalidation of your emotions. Any time you want to chat drop me line.

This is a good place, minimal judgement and self-policing. It is safe.

 

[Martin Taylor]

I'm glad your nightmares are better.

 

[woundedsoul]

Martin, I wholeheartedly agree with the comment you made regarding "rampant invalidation of your emotions." OMG, that is so true. In fact, I would go a little farther and say the rampant invalididation of your entire existence. Your post struck me --- remembrances of a long ago past...that I worked very, very hard to overcome. Mostly self-help stuff, but gosh, it was horrific wasn't it?

 

[Martin Taylor]

Yup. My mother recently told me that I was simply a "sensitive boy". Here we go again.

 

[woundedsoul]

I find that comment abusive, intended as a putdown, and inaccurate considering the environment of alcholism, not to mention it is very insensitive. I would rather be sensitive than insensitive any day. I hope you view your sensitivity as an asset and not a liability. I know from personal experience, this is difficult, but not impossible, don't give her one ounce of your power with that falsity. You are fine just the way you are. Stay strong, don't let the naysayers bring you down.