Sufferer Hi, I Have Lost My Child In A Horrible Accident

[timetorecover]

Yeah I have the same kind of man! :(. Don't you just want to shake them! Your girl is what is going to get you through this but try not to let her feel the pressure of that. The frustration of having a partner that does not support therapy is a battle and for me it's very lonely at times.

Something will give. When it's ready. Just look after yourself! I am not a lover of your meds though I understand why you are on them. It's so hard to deal with recovery when you are off your face on the drugs. I spent half recovery on so many drugs. I have got better quicker without them as you can actually process things.

I am sorry to babble:s

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

Thank you for your support. The problem is that they can not handle my dissociations, flashbacks etc as they do not have them (thanks God), I am handled as not normal, they can not recognize me. I look different, I am behaving very different and unpredictable for them.

 

[timetorecover]

Mental health scares some people, it does my husband! What meds to you take and Have you had EMDR therapy? Also do you practice mindfulnes meditation, it help with lots but especially the disassociating. It needs to become part of your life in order to find some Beauty and understanding and healing your recovery. Some people have faith to help them? I am not sure about that asi don't have one and although sometimes wish I had did. I kind of found one by practicing mindfulness. It really has helped. Also have you been taught about how the trauma changes the wiring in the brain. Also the stress cup is a helpful way to visualise situations that trigger or disassociate us.
Sorry babbling. Just think it can help you...

 

[timetorecover]

I think it must be really difficult if not maybe more confusing for the supporter! There is a reason why we disassociate, it's a coping mechanism.

You are entitled to have your feelings. It is empowering when you regain some control and you will do, for your daughter and yourself. When you are ready to. You should try and maybe express some words to your daughter and husband by letter. Even if you don't send it. Have you tried that?

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

I am writing to my son about my feelings. He always understood me and does now as well. So far my therapist said that every day I survive is a success. The therapy is focusing on stabilisation for the time being.

I have the impression that therapists take seriously only the symptoms they observe themselves eg last time I had a serious dissociation during the talk an he was very surprised although he new about my problems...

I have turned away from the people and joined a spiritual group, where everything is possible. I am not able to meditate, afraid to be alone with myself, there is no safe place for me, only together with my son. So I have a special meditation with him together, for the times when I am completely lost.

Now my therapist will be away and I am very much afraid. I do not want to bother anybody, I do not want to traumatise people, I just need to talk... I am happy that I have found this forum by chance and I can feel your care and sympathy here.

I feel like walking around still full of blood and the people can see it and are afraid of me. Here in writing it is much safer. Here I am normal.
Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I am so sorry for everything you suffered and endured. I cannot imagine the depth of your pain and anguish. No wonder you are not currently doing so well. You are doing what you can.

That is the best you can do. You are doing everything in your power and that is really amazing and inspiring. I lost my son in a motorcycle accident over 3 years ago. I do not compare my pain to yours, my point is that I know how it feels to lose a child. It is cruel and unfair.

And then all of the secondary wounding with your retraumatization. You surely have been living in hell. My heart goes out to you. I hope you get all of the help you need and deserve.

 

[Omnia vincit amor]

Dear gizmo,

I am terribly sorry for your loss. Children are part of us, they are our future. I feel with you, one can not have deeper pain than that.

I do not know what your believes are, this is a very personal question.

For me spirituality is completely new, but it gave me the strength when my therapist in the hospital was shoutinng at me (confrontational "therapy"):

"Do you still not understand that you will never be able to caress his hair again? "

I could just smile and answer:
Well actually even that is posssible, just one needs to practice it longer.... (I assume I got some additional symptoms from him then and I needed extra tranquillizer afterwards, but that was all worth it).

Thank you for your supporting words, they help me that I do not feel so lost.