Hi, My Name Is Lee - My Husband Has Put Family Through 3 Years of PTSD Hell

[Lee]

Hi. Don't really know what to write...it all seems so long and complex. In a very small nutshell, my husband went to Middle East and East Timor and then commanded a troop when a vehicle was involved in a fatal accident. He had to help clean vehicle (his mate died) and arrange funeral etc. Became more and more withdrawn and strange thrugh 2003 and 2004. Traumatised us severaly through 2005 until school recommended son (aged 7 then) see psych at he 'was no good, Dad hates me, and I want to die'. Finally confronted him and he broke down and said he didn't know what he wanted anymore....to be on his own or what. Begged him to get help but he wouldn't, as his thinking was that his 'issues' were nothing to do with him and that the kids and I were causing it all. Also at this time he was making the transition from a demanding miliary career to a new demanding career in emergency services management. After 9 months of pure hell living with a zombie, angry, anal, intolerant, nasty, monster, the kids and I (aged 8, 11 and 13 then ) left him around Sep 05. He finally sought help, got on meds, got some counselling and we got back together. However he went off his meds in Aug 07 and stopped all counselling. He started to withdraw and get anal/angry again but not as bad as first time. Had a blow out over this Xmas and again told me he doens't know what he wants...to be married/father or not.....and once again blames all on the kids and me.....nothing to do with PTSD he says. This man had 2 counsellors and a psych at one stage....but according to him after 12 months on meds he is fine and all his 'issues' are cased by us. This time I asked him to move out, which he did...for a week..then came running back....he loves us etc.....I am on a HUGE emotional roller coaster......am going back to my own counsellor next week. How does one cope ?

 

[Deleted member 93]

It is very hard to cope with us no doubt and children involved do not help when it is not controlled, and imposssibe if they do not get help. Help is not always in the form of meds but it is needed at times. The holiday blow up is actually normal sorry to say. It is hard even for the "normal" ones. Sorry to hear you are having such a rough go and understand how painful it must be. We have a special spouse section as you are our major support system. You will find many kindred souls there and plenty of PTSDers who can give you a glimpse of what it is like in our head. Welcome to the forum.

 

[anthony]

Hi Lee, welcome to the forum. I must say, that is PTSD all over I am afraid. It characteristic, but there are always two sides to every story.

 

[vcc123]

Hi Lee.. I am a PTSD sufferer.. and my husband and children are suffering right along side of me. Its strenuous on everyone, and you can only do so much. I think its good that you came onto the forum.. I've had my husband come on also.. its good for spouses/friends/carers.. etc.. to see whats going on. Its so complicated.. yesterday I sat my girls down, (ages 13 & 17) and read some info on PTSD.. answered questions they had.. basically tried to at least inform them of 'whats wrong with mom'. It opened a line of communication between us that hasnt been there.. and thats important. Likewise, my husband and I have been talking very openly together about the problems involved.. not just with PTSD, but with aggravating factors of what should be 'marriage/bliss'. NOT. Anyway.. I think communication is important.. and maybe some counseling for you, if you're not already. It helps you to vent and get somes 'tools' on how to deal with the PTSD person. At the very least.. you found us.. and there's the 'spouse' section.. you can get support from all of us to help you through it. Hang in there.. and thank you for being a loving spouse.. I appreciate my husband and know how hard he has to work at it.. it sucks, its sometimes if not usually thankless, and it hurts. But thank you for trying. Keep talking to us.. :hello:

 

[cookie]

hey, welcome to the forum. i hope you can get him to look at the forum too.
cathy

 

[Terry]

Welcome Lee. Stick around awhile and you will realize your story is not so much different than other spouse's. Maybe you can get him to check in here, he'll find his story is not so much different.

 

[wildcritter44]

:hello: HI! Lee,

Welcome, the posts before mine have pretty much said most of things they wrote.

IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER: YOU ARE NOT ALONE ----- HERE ------

Visit anytime there are a lot of spouses of military or x-military. (i'm a spouse of x military) (ranger) on the forum.

keep hanging in there!

Take CAre & God Bless

D (wildcritter)

 

[rosered]

Hi Lee. I'm new here too. I've had PTSD for over four years and know my family suffers as yours does. Sometimes I still deny that I suffer from PTSD and think that if I try hard enough to act normal as I used to that everything will be OK. Sometimes I also think that if my family were considerate and loving enough that everything would be alright even though I know that they are as considerate and loving as they always were before I had PTSD symptoms.
I'm hoping that my daughter will also visit this forum. I know she feels alone in the frustration of loving someone with PTSD.
I've noticed that the "Learn" page has a lot of information and am looking forward to exploring it.
Perhaps we are very lucky to have found this forum and will be able to move forward by learning and sharing.

 

[Lee]

Thanks. I hope so to. W and I are now in counselling and hopefully looking forward again. You can read more about my situation in the Trauma Diaries, Mental Imagery....you shoud try it...it was spot on for me.

 

[beatle_bailey]

welcome

welcome Lee

hope you find what you need hear ,, I am also an former military man Airborne Ranger from very early 70s ,, My exwife would agree with you ,,, but are friends today ,, realy better than we aver were before , cause I met her just after I got out ,,
I truely wish you and yours well
Beatle Bailey :smile: