Sufferer Hi, Sufferer Of Childhood Abuse ( A Bit Long But Very Detailed)

[RebeccaBaltimore]

Hello, I am new too. I didn't mention it in my own intro because it is not where my PTSD comes from, but I have experienced childhood sexual abuse. My parents always told me I could tell them anything, but that turned out not to be true, I told them about one series of assaults at summer camp and it didn't go well. I just learned more about what I could and couldn't count on from them. I am so sorry you are having so much trouble right now, I hope things will get better soon. How often are you able to see your therapist?

 

[SilentWhisper]

Yeah you see I learned not to tell my mum anything from a young age as I assumed she didn't care because she kept sending me back to the same place, but only when I got older I started thinking logically and knew my mum never knew it was happening so couldn't prevent it. However she did know I was being physically abused and chose to do nothing about it. I see my therapist every week but haven't seen her since the week before christmas because I keep calling off our appointments because I'm struggling with things at the moment and don't want to talk about it more than what is already being said. I also don't want to add extra stress on tip of that because I know I will just shut down.

 

[anthony]

Have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

 

[SilentWhisper]

Yes I was diagnosed towards the end of last year.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I was sexually abused by a female sister of a 'friend of the family' too.

My T. helped me understand that when I cannot speak yet of the abuse, it means my complex defensive systems are still in place for a reason and he won't push that...much. He'll ask and invite the conversation but when I keep shutting down or avoiding, knows not to go further or we'll be outside the 'therapeutic window' where retraumatization happens.

I'll let those defenses down when I am ready. ...and I am, slowly, as I feel safe. Though not nearly fast enough for me, nor in the order I would have chosen.

Hang in there.