I'm Cassie.aaaaack i don't know how to do this,even here.I'm nervous:(
Basically I grew up in a very bad home environment full of abuse,neglect,violence,drug use,and alcoholism. I was raped twice as a teenager. I was also in an extremely abusive marriage a few years ago, and about a year ago my father murdered my sister and committed suicide..
I barely sleep anymore even when I desperately need to, my mind races at night and I get anxious at every little sound I hear inside or outside the house. I get angry outbursts a lot, like never before. I had to go buy a punching bag because I kept punching and breaking things around the house. I was never full of rage like this before what he did.
My days and nights are filled with horrible,beyond disturbing flashbacks and mental images and anxiety. I am preoccupied and feel like I'm almost obsessed with the past and with death. I feel sick to my stomach and worn out all the time. Most days my whole body hurts. I barely leave the house anymore except to go to school and when I absolutely have to take my kids somewhere or to go grocery shopping. Even then I try my best to have someone go with me, because I can't stand to go alone, I get so nervous and I get irritable when I'm nervous. And then my fiance gets mad because he doesn't get why I need someone with me.
I get disoriented and confused alot, and I have trouble remembering so many things. I often get lost in places I should not.
When I do sleep I have a lot of nightmares and sleep paralysis. My fiance does not understand any of what I go through, when I dissociate he just calls it "spacing out" or "floating away in space" .
I don't know what to do anymore,after everything that has happened the rest of my family was forced to split up to find new living situations and I am living far away from them. So I am here with my fiance who has no understanding of what I'm going through and doesn't seem to try to understand it even when I talk to him about it.
I am so tired,so tired of so much. I'm tired of feeling like there's a wall between me and everyone else. I'm tired of feeling this way I know I don't think like most people and it makes me feel like I'm going crazy or something. I'm tired of going through life and every time I think somethings changing another bad thing happens. I feel like I will never know peace. I just found this website tonight. I have read many posts on here and I can't believe there are so many others like me out there.
Sorry if i seem to be rambling,well I suppose I am rambling but oh well.
Basically I grew up in a very bad home environment full of abuse,neglect,violence,drug use,and alcoholism. I was raped twice as a teenager. I was also in an extremely abusive marriage a few years ago, and about a year ago my father murdered my sister and committed suicide..
I barely sleep anymore even when I desperately need to, my mind races at night and I get anxious at every little sound I hear inside or outside the house. I get angry outbursts a lot, like never before. I had to go buy a punching bag because I kept punching and breaking things around the house. I was never full of rage like this before what he did.
My days and nights are filled with horrible,beyond disturbing flashbacks and mental images and anxiety. I am preoccupied and feel like I'm almost obsessed with the past and with death. I feel sick to my stomach and worn out all the time. Most days my whole body hurts. I barely leave the house anymore except to go to school and when I absolutely have to take my kids somewhere or to go grocery shopping. Even then I try my best to have someone go with me, because I can't stand to go alone, I get so nervous and I get irritable when I'm nervous. And then my fiance gets mad because he doesn't get why I need someone with me.
I get disoriented and confused alot, and I have trouble remembering so many things. I often get lost in places I should not.
When I do sleep I have a lot of nightmares and sleep paralysis. My fiance does not understand any of what I go through, when I dissociate he just calls it "spacing out" or "floating away in space" .
I don't know what to do anymore,after everything that has happened the rest of my family was forced to split up to find new living situations and I am living far away from them. So I am here with my fiance who has no understanding of what I'm going through and doesn't seem to try to understand it even when I talk to him about it.
I am so tired,so tired of so much. I'm tired of feeling like there's a wall between me and everyone else. I'm tired of feeling this way I know I don't think like most people and it makes me feel like I'm going crazy or something. I'm tired of going through life and every time I think somethings changing another bad thing happens. I feel like I will never know peace. I just found this website tonight. I have read many posts on here and I can't believe there are so many others like me out there.
Sorry if i seem to be rambling,well I suppose I am rambling but oh well.
