TraumaGrrl
New Here
Hey there-
I'm a nearly 40 year old mama of pretty super twin boys, wife to an amazing woman, and survivor of childhood physical and emotional abuse as well as witness to domestic violence for nearly 2 decades until I could get out.
My life is pretty great, truly. I've worked hard to regulate the anxiety that can sometimes overwhelm me, I have a great job. I have done the hard work of trauma recovery since I was in my twenties.
But (and there's always a but, no?) - my abuser/father recently passed away. One would think that this would bring great relief and further healing, but sadly it has brought my PTSD to the surface like no other single event in my life to date. I've had to disclose my...is this a disease? a diagnosis?... status with my wife after 13 years together so that she could understand why I am afraid of the dark suddenly, why I'm so short and angry, why I've been triggered into hiding- wanting to disengage with the people I love the most.
I'm in therapy, I'll be seeing a psychiatrist in about 10 days- my first one prescribed klonopin which made me suicidal for the first time in my life. No thanks!
Anyhow, that's a lot for an introduction. My point being, that I look like a successful, happy, well-adjusted person in my day-to-day... and I am that person. But I'm also this person, struggling mightily with some pretty nasty inner demons. I don't actually think folks who haven't had this experience can truly understand. I've been reading this forum for a few weeks and decided to say hello, as many of you have already helped.
So, hi. :)
I'm a nearly 40 year old mama of pretty super twin boys, wife to an amazing woman, and survivor of childhood physical and emotional abuse as well as witness to domestic violence for nearly 2 decades until I could get out.
My life is pretty great, truly. I've worked hard to regulate the anxiety that can sometimes overwhelm me, I have a great job. I have done the hard work of trauma recovery since I was in my twenties.
But (and there's always a but, no?) - my abuser/father recently passed away. One would think that this would bring great relief and further healing, but sadly it has brought my PTSD to the surface like no other single event in my life to date. I've had to disclose my...is this a disease? a diagnosis?... status with my wife after 13 years together so that she could understand why I am afraid of the dark suddenly, why I'm so short and angry, why I've been triggered into hiding- wanting to disengage with the people I love the most.
I'm in therapy, I'll be seeing a psychiatrist in about 10 days- my first one prescribed klonopin which made me suicidal for the first time in my life. No thanks!
Anyhow, that's a lot for an introduction. My point being, that I look like a successful, happy, well-adjusted person in my day-to-day... and I am that person. But I'm also this person, struggling mightily with some pretty nasty inner demons. I don't actually think folks who haven't had this experience can truly understand. I've been reading this forum for a few weeks and decided to say hello, as many of you have already helped.
So, hi. :)
