Homework: "take It Easy"

[Justmehere]

Today, I tossed a book on a table and I startled myself. Even though I was the one who tossed the book, and I expected it to make a sound when it hit the table, I STILL jumped when it made the sound. Later today, I walked into my therapist's waiting office, my therapist was there grabbing some coffee, and I was spooked. I physically jumped. In session, my cell phone rang. (I thought I had turned it off.) I nearly jumped out of my chair. It took me several minutes to re-group.

My therapy homework is to "take it easy" over the long holiday weekend. I was supposed to do that earlier in the week, but instead I didn't quite do that...

I don't like just doing nothing. I'm also tired of doing things to just to make myself feel better. I want to move forward in my life, but I am really beginning to do myself in. I am giving myself permission to do what it takes to let my nervous system settle down. I know lots of things to relax and ground, and they do help (and I will be doing a lot of them) - but I want to DO something that let's me enjoy life, and feel like I am doing something more than just coping through more PTSD symptoms.

I'm sort of at a loss on how to do that. Any suggestions?

(I'm not even quite sure this post makes sense.)

 

[y5L]

A friend just suggested to me that I needed to learn to "take it easy." He thinks I'd benefit from taking time off from over analyzing every action, feeling, and thought- that I need occasional breaks from the hard task of recovery.

What we came up with as a plan for me personally was I'd audition for a summer play. Being on stage is a break for me, because I'm not the one on stage at all- whatever character I'm playing is up there instead. And I have yet to play a character with PTSD, so that is a break!

Also taking it easy for me includes knitting, enjoying an orchestral or choral concert (or pandora station!), mild exercise, getting a fancy coffee shop drink instead of just black coffee, baking or cooking, and writing in a quiet park, to name a few.

I'm not sure what will be best for you, but hopefully something in here will spark an idea for you. I don't like being idle either- in fact, that's when my thoughts are most likely to spiral downward. So learning to find ways to let myself rest without stopping altogether has been very important!

 

[TimeToHeal]

Sure it makes sense! I also have a really hard time "doing nothing". Actually, it tends to make my symptoms worse and makes me feel pretty miserable!

Are there things you enjoy doing? Places you like going, activities you enjoy - any hobbies you have?

 

[ghotiff]

For me taking it easy is not doing nothing but doing only what I want to do when I want to do it. So, the trick for me is to recognize between genuinely wanting to do something, as compared to feeling like I should do something. Part of this is giving myself permission to ignore any (or most) obligations and be truly selfish for a period of time.

Sometimes cleaning out a cupboard can feel like a chore, other times I actively enjoy it. Same with my hobbies, despite the fact that they are hobbies and shouldn't feel like requirements. My personal rule is, If I am enjoying it, it is "taking it easy", if I just want the results (eg a clean cupboard at the end) then it's a chore.

Hope that helps.

 

[GWhizz]

I really find it difficult to allow myself that time to relax and take 'me-time' out. But as people have said, taking it easy doesn't have to mean not doing anything. Something that helps me relax and really is time for me is yoga and meditation. Other things I enjoy are baking, cooking, walking, meeting friends etc, but these things in themselves can be draining if I'm not genuinely in the mood - other times, they help put me in a good mood.

I suggest doing something you think of that helps you feel relaxed in yourself but also can keep you partially busy. Whether that's photography, sketching, watching a sunset, getting your hair done, or simply making yourself a nice drink/meal and being fully present to enjoy it in the moment without worrying, it's up to you.

It's easy to forget to nurture and care for ourselves regularly but remember it's most important that you of all people are kind to yourself. You are worthy and deserving of this, think of it as an investment in yourself everytime you help yourself restore. We all need to recharge. I hope this makes some sense to you :)

 

[Springer80]

It sounds like your body is fried at the minute and yet over activated. I've been there. Now I'm just fried but without the explosions.
It's a tricky situation, how to do things but at the same time limit the possible situations that might spark you off. Hw to come up with things that soothe your body?

I think mindfulness of your body and nervous system is a start. Visualising your body internally as something soft and flowing. Deep breathing, especially the out breath. Would swimming be an option? The water supports your aching muscles and weirdly the weightlessness takes the trapped pain and how to get over it off your mind. That is a very good thing as the stress of how to overcome often gets worse or exacerbates the physical/sensorial exhaustion.

What about drawing? Drawing the imagined landscapes or situations that would soothe you? Drawing your representations of your body in a way that you'd like it to be. Or even just drawing the feeling of rest, it doesn't have to be representational.

 

[shimmerz]

what I want to do when I want to do it.

Funny but this line hit me. I have NO idea what I want to do, NO idea when I want to do it, and NO idea what makes me happy. Not because I am naturally unhappy but tbh just for the reasons listed by @Justmehere. Thank god for my social director SO.

Being around people is not an option if hypersensitive, fireworks if you have them this weekend are a dread, everything becomes so 'big' when my senses are so, well - sensitive. It is exhausting just thinking about it. It becomes an oxymoron when so wound up and someone says to me relax. I feel like I can hear every ant that is walking across the street as if it was a monster ready to attack me. Relax? Arrrghhh! I wish....

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I know lots of things to relax and ground, and they do help (and I will be doing a lot of them) - but I want to DO something that let's me enjoy life, and feel like I am doing something more than just coping through more PTSD symptoms.

Can't you do both? There are ways to "take it easy" without hanging around doing nothing but managing your symptoms. What activities make you happy? Of course you should probably steer clear of things like studying, making arrangements for something, or intensive physical labour. But what about reading a nice book, organizing old photographs that make you smile, doing some work in the garden (if you have one), or taking a nice walk through a park?

Hope these suggestions are helpful.

 

[Justmehere]

Thank you for all the good ideas. I'm actually so exhausted today I can hardly think. I have been using some of the ideas you all have posted, and it's kept me going and working on this. I will come back and respond more soon! I wanted to just say thank you. :D

 

[ghotiff]

Funny but this line hit me. I have NO idea what I want to do, NO idea when I want to do it, and NO idea what makes me happy

I hear you on this @shimmerz, the more I need to 'take it easy' the harder I find it to work out what I want to do.

In case they help others, these are the methods I use to help me with this.

I find the word 'should' very telling. If in my thinking the word 'should' ever comes to mind, then its an activity that I am feeling obligated to do, and not one I want to do. I find it easier to notice a 'should' if I talk out aloud to someone (or something) about what I am thinking of doing.

The other thing I look out for is 'boredom'. If I need to take it easy I start with the least engaging activity possible (eg lying down) and if I don't change that activity until I feel a strong sense of 'boredom'. Boredom is the signal that I 'want' to do something more involved. I then try the second least engaging activity on my list (eg watching a repeat of a safe TV program)... and I again wait until I'm bored before trying the next activity (eg zentangles). Sometimes I find just thinking about trying something more involved is enough to remove the boredom, and if so, I just think about doing something (and don't actually do anything). Other times (when I'm in a better place) I realise that I would still be bored watching TV so I move straight to zentangles.

 

[ghotiff]

This might help explain some reasons why 'wants' are difficult to determine.

Apparently if you live, or grow up in abusive environments you loose (or don't develop) your ability to know what you want. I don't remember exactly how this was explained to me...but...basically...if you are in an environment where things you 'want' are either ignored or used against you, the safest option is to not 'want' anything. Even if those 'wants' are just ignored, it is less painful to not have any 'wants' than to have them and have them be ignored. Apparently, first you stop communicating 'wants', and then over time you stop recognising your own 'wants'.

Another situation (similar, but a bit different) is when you are told your 'wants' are wrong. For example if you say "I want to go outside to watch the sunset" the controlling/abusing person counter with "No you don't, its cold outside" (or the more direct abuse related eg...the want of "please stop" but the counter of "no, because you like it") . Overtime with this type of attack on your 'wants', where you are constantly told that your 'wants' are wrong and not actually what you 'want', you learn to not trust the accuracy of your 'wants' and over time you dismiss your 'wants' and you lose the ability to recognise them.

Hope that helps.

 

[shimmerz]

Apparently, first you stop communicating 'wants', and then over time you stop recognising your own 'wants'.

Brilliant @ghotiff! Thank you - that helps me so much! :hug: