Honest To A Fault?

[EveHarrington]

Non disclosure is not the same as lying.

It's quite clear that you have a very black/white view of honesty.

100% honesty and disclosure is the only way to go, or else you're a liar. ------Well, no, not really.

I think you should examine your view of honesty and perhaps work on your extreme all/nothing black/white thinking.

You can still be a 100% honest person without disclosing everything you think and feel.

 

[Ronin]

You can still be a 100% honest person without disclosing everything you think and feel.

All of this.

& Dishonesty isn't yet the same as lying. Lying is a deception, dishonesty doesn't have to be one.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The "lying by omission".

I have an issue with this too and I see it as lying by omission if i dont tell everythung but here is the definition:

Also known as a continuing misrepresentation, a lie by omission occurs when an important fact is left out in order to foster a misconception. Lying by omission includes failures to correct pre-existing misconceptions.

Lie - Wikipedia

For example, my step mom's Dr told her if she doesnt stop smoking he would drop her as a patient so she slapped a nicotine patch on for the day. I later asked about it and told her she was lying by ommission as though he didnt ask and she didnt tell a lie, she ommittes information to make a misreprentation that she had stopped smoking when she didnt. But no lie ever came out of her mouth because the Dr didnt ask but he didnt ask because of the patch.

Not telling someone something they dont need to know isnt misrepresenting anything. Its not telling something they dont need to know as they dont think its one thing when its another, they just dont know.

I understand the confusion though. Id maybe research lying by ommission.

 

[KRM]

Interesting topic. Raised very religious, I say now that as a child I was pathologically honest. If I told even a partial lie by accident because i didn't think it through or something I'd be eaten alive by guilt. As an adult I still hate to lie outright, but especially dealing with medical and psych professionals I feel my bluntness about myelf is perceived as not true when it is - the way i see it. I drink too much. The worst mistake I ever made was telling the medical professionals. They all think all drunks are liars. So if you tell them you are or are not drinking (whatever is true) or how much, you know they are going to spin it as they were taught. Sometimes stuff is just "none of your business" unless I want it to be. In the past, I would never not claim a single cent I made working. I've outgrown that. I will do my best not to make a promise I'm not sure I can keep. I agree it's good to be honest, but that you don't have to tell all. For me I think I have OCD tendencies and need to confess.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I am as honest as I can be with people, except in situations where answering truthfully may hurt their feelings. Then a little white lie. Except with close friends, then it's no holes barred, I tell it like I see it.

I take responsibility for my actions and words, even if I get into shit for them.

 

[aut555]

Think in dealing with manipulative people, l mirror them back and respond according, in dealing with honest people , l can be myself. As a female, these are coping techniques and keep me safe. Is this dishonest? I see it as simple survival which takes priority over everything else. If you swim with sharks, you better pass as one. If you are swimming with turtles, you can be one. Yes, l scuba dive.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Think in dealing with manipulative people, l mirror them back and respond according, in dealing with hon...

Thanks @aut555 that's how I feel. With some people it is better to avoid honesty because they will use it against you.

 

[Jules1]

I am contemplating on honesty. I am usually very honest person with exception when I feel shame....

I am thinking maybe the issue is boundaries and how much of ourselves to share with people that may take advantage of our openness and honesty. Being honest doesnt mean wearing everything on the outside. It is a shame we have to learn to manage and filter what we share and what we dont; but manipulative dishonest people see emotional honesty as a vulnerability that they can exploit.. so my therapist tells me. And in hindsight I can see that this has been true for me with some people some of the time. So it is about holding back, especially emotional honesty until you know a person well enough to share more; they have to earn your respect and trust before you share too much. ??? Maybe.. I am still learning about clear boundaries and what is safe and what is not; but the main theme here is that predatory manipulative people see emotional honesty and openess as weakness to exploit. ... and supposedly they are usually very charming likeable people on the face of it. Anyone have thoughts on this... as it is still something I am having trouble processing; as it means changing myself so much; but then; I cant change others so it has to come from me.??: And how does the saying go... if you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got.