Honestly - Are Repressed Memories Better Left Repressed?

[wadoo]

Hi Portabella.

I remembered things when I was 26. I'm 38 now and still get new memories but then they all vanish again I suppose thats when I'm good they dissapear.

It's a hard one.

 

[becvan]

Bella, this is one subject that could drive anyone :cuckoo:!

I have so many years of repressed memories its not even funny. I used to think that leaving them alone meant that I didn't have to deal with it.. I was so wrong.

Instead I get emotional flashbacks. My emotions from the years and events that I repressed take over. What's really bad about it is that I didn't know what it was or where it was coming from till last summer. I thought I was just plain ole crazy.

We can't avoid dealing with it.. because it will force itself out no matter what we do. Try out the mental imagry.. it's brought quite a few of my issues to the surface and now I'm starting to work on some of those issues. Now I know what my emotions are from! Makes a hell of a difference. I don't actually remember the events nor the years but I know what the general issues are to deal with.

So, in the long run, we don't get a choice. It will come up, one way or the other, and force us to deal with it. Use the tools available to help yourself work through it.

bec

 

[Deleted member 12723]

This is a very helpful thread to me. When I first started therapy in 1985, I wanted the memories so I could deal with them and move on. But they didn't come. I have alot of repressed memories.

I have an appointment for emdr today.

I read that I may not be a good canditdate for it because of multiple traumas. I do not want to be flooded and overwhelmed with the outburst of so many memories as I am a caregiver and I need to be here to function.

I keep on hearing that when the person is strong enough they will begin to seep into consciousness.

I wanted the emdr to get rid of the anxiety. So I am armed with my list of questions. I am going for a fact finding mission. I once had begged to get my memories. I so wanted to get it over with. I think the traumas are very intense. So I will have to wait and see.

Now I am of the mindset that I do not want the memories. I think it was a survival skill. I am functioning now. I have a low grade anxiety. I need help with that. So time will be the ultimate healer for me.

I guess they will come up when I am stronger and healthier to face and deal with them. I do not look forward to that. I am glad I found this thread.

 

[Beverly G.]

I don't want to remember and I pray I never do. My therapist says at this point in my life I am too "fragile" to even think about trying to bring out the memories form the past. A couple of years ago I suffered flashbacks and they cause all kinds of mental and health issues. I just want to keep pushing things under the rug and living as normal a life as I can.

I think I am afraid that once the memories return they will never leave me alone.

 

[Princess]

My therapist says at this point in my life I am too "fragile" to even think about trying to bring out the memories form the past.

I can definitely understand why your therapist has recommended this course of action. There are days when I wish we could figure out a way to transfer our memories to the offenders and let them cope with our trauma. Not a nice way to feel, but sometimes I think they just have no clue of the ramifications of their actions and the ways in which we suffer.

Good luck!

 

[Red Feather]

I keep on hearing that when the person is strong enough they will begin to seep into consciousness.

This sentence relieves me a lot. I had some wierd flashbacks after thinking and trying to remember real hard and then I got freaked and said to myself that I am not ready for a trauma therapy. I agree. I 'd much rather forget all about it. Bye bye for now.

 

[Hashi]

I used to desperately want to block the memories again, or at least stop any more, but I couldn't and it would only have doomed me to worsening depression, ill health and despair as I carried the trauma without dealing with it. Now I feel very differently. I think it's much better to allow the healing process to take its course and work with it (without trying to force it, as others have said).

Even though we can't repress the memories again, I think there's a big temptation to repress the healing and - unfortunately - that can be done. It can be exhausting, terrifying and awful to actually face and deal with what comes up, to go through the doubt, fear, grief and other unlovely feelings that are part of finding our way through. But in my experience, trying to hide from memories that have surfaced brings as many problems as trying to hide from those that are still repressed.

I think we're meant to heal and our subconscious minds know when the right time for that is. Although we might wish deeply that we'd been given a different experience of life, I don't think there's any good alternative to facing it.

I'm still working on this, but I've come a long way from where I started. I'm glad to be in a much better place now, and definitely a better place than I would be if I'd repressed the memories again. For all the struggle, moving through it can also bring new understanding, meaning and connection, perhaps in a way we couldn't otherwise know. I would never say I'm grateful for the trauma, but I'm grateful for the healing.

 

[maddog]

I think that if traumatic memories could truly stay suppressed forever without impacting on our lives, then many of us would choose this route - maximum quality of life for minimum suffering.

Unfortunately, in most, if not all, cases, this is simply not the case and after a time, they either gradually, or more suddenly, begin to bleed out into our lives, into our active memories, along with the raft of thoughts, feelings, intrusive symptoms and other features of PTSD that we all know.

Once that process has begun, I believe there is only one way forward, and that is to begin the process of acknowledging, processing and reintegrating the memories through therapy and... a lot of bloody hard work. Once the geanie is out of the bottle, as my T likes to say, there's no stuffing her back into it.

Maddog

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes MD, like walking a tightrope and being halfway across the river.

 

[shell]

I think there is a big difference between digging for memories, and dealing with the fragments that are affecting our quality of life.

Having recently recovered a lot of repressed memories, would I want to go back to not really knowing the truth, never. It hurts, more than I could imagine, that I allowed my abusers to be in my life.

Recovering memories has allowed me to deal with my denial, to start healing the pain that I refused to acknowledge. It has helped me to recognize that I have never lived, I have is existed, functioning but never being the person I should be, or could be.

Recovering memories helped me to remove my abusers from my life, to acknowledge the pain they had and were continuing to cause me.

I believe they happen for a reason, to enable us to be whole, when we are strong enough to start healing.

I can't do EMDR or hypnotism due to the extent of trauma, my therapist feels it would be too overwhelming and too hard to control the trauma being retrived.

 

[Abrasky]

I had quite a lot of memories repressed. It took about 10 years of therapy to bring them to light. I'm still going.

It is wierd how the earlier I was into my therapy it felt like I was looking at me in my trauma from a distance. The further along, the closer the view of me in my trauma is.And the more pieces of the picture are there.

I don't think I liked the unebelievable grief anger and personalities I had to endure to get memories back. That sought of grief, don't know if it is normal or not or the PTSD makes it that way, but it is so big. When I banged my head on the wall, without a history of doing this ever, it really showed me that these feelings are so powerful.

It is better to have it in that out in the end. A year ago, I would have thought, no way, just make the pain stop, but now it is becoming managable, I am seeing my old self come back, it is worth the effort to not be afraid to go forwards...as long as you can do it safetly. I owed it to my authentic 5 year old self. It is my job to let her run again.

My therapist said it I wasn't strong enough to deal with the actual trauma personalities until about the 10th year of therapy.I was weak, but I did get strong enough through therapy.

 

[intothelight]

I have a lot that I didn't remember and little pieces started to come back. So I deal with the fragments as they surface. For some reason that is how my mind is healing, a little at a time. Many times as a memory becomes complete, it is not overwhelming as I have dealt with the bits and pieces along the way.