Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

[Givrali]

Like i remember at preschool thinking thos two girls were so cool and so exceptional. I wouldn't dare to talk to them

 

[Givrali]

I don't remember who was one of them but the second was in reality my first best friend

 

[Givrali]

I was too impressed by how cool and awesome they were. No idea why I saw them that way. I would never try to talk to them. I just looked at them and be envious of people being able to be their friends. No idea who people were.
3 years later I think, I was playing with S. At recreation and enjoyed it so much. I later asked her if she wanted to be my friend. I have no idea what her reaction was.
Years later I brought up the subject as do you remember when I asked you to be my friend?
She said we were already friend since long at this age. That wasn't making sense to me but I didn't insist.
Way later when we weren't friends anymore my father told me my mother befriended her mother and since we spent all our time together since preschool.
Even re reading it can't find a better way to phrase it.

 

[Givrali]

I was ever... very possessive as a friend. I would spend every single second I could with her and when she befriended another girl I said her to choose between me or the new girl. I was lost when she chooses the other one.
When S. Felt sick once I spent the whole recreation looking in her house directolion regretting she wasn't here with me. I of course come to see her while she was at home after classes.

 

[Givrali]

I just didn't want to leave her

 

[Givrali]

I really feel like I'm writing a book instead telling my own life

 

[Givrali]

Well reality can't be real so who cares ?

 

[Givrali]

I'm feeling so panicked and sleepy

 

[Givrali]

I want to sleep

 

[Givrali]

Thanks to my incredible meds I slept rapidly

 

[Givrali]

I was ever... very possessive as a friend. I would spend every single second I could with her and when she befriended another girl I said her to choose between me or the new girl. I was lost when she chooses the other one.
When S. Felt sick once I spent the whole recreation looking in her house directolion regretting she wasn't here with me. I of course come to see her while she was at home after classes.

I guess I was very desperate to have a friend. I probably already knows I'd have trouble making friends and keeping them

 

[Givrali]

But more than that I was feeling terribly hurted and lonely. I wanted to feel wanted and protected. At preschool I already was shocked by my heart surgery then my brother started to sexually abusing me at some point.