Hope I'll be the last diary I'll ever write

[Givrali]

I did progress now. I'm not wanting to be the only friend of my friends. I want to have several friends at once too. I can still feeling jealous to share someone love and attention but I can control myself.

 

[Givrali]

So it's 3.30am. Although I felt asleep earlier I still fight sleep.
I guess in addition to my usual fear of nighttime and falling asleep I'm afraid of my arms hurting because I can't stop doing something until I finished it but it was just too many cartons and I couldn't do more than half of them.
I'm also afraid of leaving group home for good.
To not enjoying living alone. To not being able to live alone. To feel abandoned despite having like 4 differents people taking professionally care of me.
I didn't know any of this people before going to group home ! I'm feeling truly alone and abandoned.

I did choose to live alone but it was because it was the least bad option like always.

 

[Givrali]

My stuff just after the movers finished

 

[Givrali]

In Switzerland we have 4 official languages but like 80% talk German. The second main is French then a specific state speaks Italian. Very few of us talk the last one. I'm not sure I ever heard it being talked.

 

[Givrali]

With my sleep meds I am not forced to sleep. It's a combination of indicate to my brain it's time to sleep and stress reducer to fight my fear of falling asleep. Which means that if I don't want to sleep I won't sleep

 

[Givrali]

That's why I'm still awake despite how awfully needing of sleep I am and had take my medication.

 

[Givrali]

Well I wrote earlier here that I not sleeping because I don't want to. I guess not wanting to isn't the same that too scared to sleep. But I don't know why it's THIS scarring.

 

[Givrali]

Brain I always woke up after sleeping. This night won't be different

 

[Givrali]

Actually when I said I just not trying enough to sleep I was just mean to myself I know how hard I always tried

 

[Givrali]

Like always I'll hug Pakku until I fall asleep

 

[Givrali]

5am I played on my phone ans read some threads here

 

[Givrali]

The sky is clearing a lot I'm hungry. So food then sleep