Hoping To Find Some Much Needed Answers

[prettyNpink84]

Hello everyone.
I just registered here today & I am hoping that this will in some ways help me find some much needed answers.

I'm 24 years old, & married to a Soldier. I love being an Army Wife & I am proud of my husband for all the things he has done & is still doing for our family & for our country. From October 2006 to January 2008 he was deployed to Iraq. I don't think I need to go any further with why I am here.

It's been over a year since he's been home & it's been one struggle after another. Our relationship isn't like it used to be & although I expected there to be changes when he came home, I never expected things to be this way. We don't communicate well, & we argue over almost anything. Even silly things. We're both stressed out & growing further and further apart. There are good days & sometimes good weeks even but then there are bad days & lately those seem to out weigh the good. The problem is, he isn't coping with what is eating at him. He says he's fine & nothing is bothering him but as most of us know, actions speak louder than words.

I am here because I love him & I want us to be better. I mostly want to hear what others have dealt with or are dealing with so I can maybe get a better understanding of what PTSD is & how to cope with it. I'm a problem solver & this is the first problem of my life that I haven't been able to solve. So please, the floor is open to anyone who wants to say anything.

Thank you.

 

[Vickym]

prettyNpink84

Welcome to the Forum!

I was and still am a problem solver that i have to say was the hardest thing for me to accept in the begining. There is no solving ptsd. Its about learning as much as you can about it so you understand it.

My bf was in the army served 2 tours in iraq. He was retired at the age of 29 this past summer.

My opinion is that when the military brings them home they don't bring them back to civilian life. They spent all that time breaking them down and building them back up to what they want them to be. Then forget and fail to bring them back to us.

There may be times where you think your husband is yelling at you however he is not. My bf calls it talking loud. It all he has done is speak and talk that way.

They teach them to have no emotion and not think about whats going on at home. If they do they are risking their life and the lives of others in the troop. Its as if they forget how to show it on the outside but they still feel it on the inside.

Your husband my be afraid to admit he has ptsd most of them are as they are not sure of the outcome.

I know it is going to be hard for you because you know him as the person he once was not who he has come home as. Get into some counceling with him.

 

[fin]

Hey prettyNpink... Welcome!

I am so sory to hear of your situation.
You are definately in the right place to find help, there is soo much here in terms of collective knowledge, and understanding.

Through threads and posts you can read how others have coped and what they do to get through. There is a carers section and reading and posting may help you to further begin to try to understand PTSD. And also what other help could be available to you and your husband.

We are all at different points of our healing, and caring for those with PTSD. It isn't easy, but with the right support networks it is possible to work through it.

Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it as helpfull and supportive as many of us have and are still doing.

~fin

 

[spiritlove]

Welcome

Welcome prettyNpink84,

Welcome to this most wonderful forum. I am also a very new member with much to learn.

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you and your spouse are having. My spouse is also oriented towards problem solving, as you have described yourself, so the nature of PTSD makes it tough. I was just given the advice yesterday, which I will share with you, and that is that PTSD and/or the chaos that often surrounds it may be better referred to as something other than "problem". It was an insightful thought, as I realized that i feel even more guilt with the PTSD because I feel like a big, giant "problem" to my family. It also helped my partner gain a greater understanding of my issues as a result of the trauma.

My partner is trying to shift her focus away from "solving" anything, to a place of understanding how we can work through this. It seems that by coming to this forum, you too are doing a wonderful thing.

Welcome.
Namaste.

 

[SunriseHope]

Hi prettyNpink!

What a great thing for you to do - to come here, seeking help. I hope you find a great deal of support and care. My trauma counselor is a Vietnam Vet, who has transformed his own severe pain and trauma and specializes in helping returning and in-service soldiers and their families. It's very powerful working with someone who has "been there". I hope both you and your husband can get into counseling with a trauma specialist. I know the stigma against PTSD that might get in the way of your husband wanting to seek help, but that is rapidly lessening and should not be a factor in preventing him from getting assistance. I hope you both will find a great deal of understanding and support.

My heart and thoughts are with you...
SunriseHope