How A Family Can Be A Cult

[shimmerz]

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I would really appreciate any comments on this. Can a family have a hierarchy that could be structured in a cult fashion, with the people in the family suffering as they would if they were in a 'non familial' cult?

 

[Milo's papa]

Hi shimmers, how are you doing?
You know enough about my wife's history so I would have toi say infatically, YES they can. In her case it started decades before she was even born.

More later

 

[Hope69]

The term cult usually refers to a social group defined by their religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs, or common interest in a particular personality, object or goal...The word "cult" has always been controversial because it is (in a perjorative sense) considered a subjective term, used as an ad hominem attack against doctrines or practices.

Cult - Wikipedia

I suppose if the leader had specific spiritual beliefs and used forms of manipulation to ensure the others followed.

However I think many family systems have a hierarchy and use guilt, fear, intimidation, to control the other family members without it necessarily being based on a spiritual ideal. Although spiritual beliefs can be used as a form of manipulation within the family unit (ie you'lll go to hell if you don't do xyz)

 

[shimmerz]

defined by their religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs, or common interest in a particular personality,

Just thinking out loud here because I am tossing this around in my head on many levels.

Can a person within the family be 'The God', thus making them into the 'god' of the family, to be honoured just as a god would be?

 

[Deleted member 541]

@shimmerz I think what you're describing is more on the narcissistic behavior/line?????

 

[Friday]

We're social animals. Despite the almost infinite variety of ways we arrange ourselves, there are going to be points of similarly between any two systems, for the pure and simple fact that it's humans operating it. And points of difference. IMO when articles like the above only look for the points of similarity? But leave out the second half in compare & contrast? They're doing a great disservice to both groups.

 

[Beks]

Hi Shimmerz and peeps,
I agree with She Cat - I'v just come here today because my narcissist mother is driving me nuts again, over me babysitting my nephew.
It has always been a thing with her family, for someone to be 'god' and respected whatever their behaviour, and for one family member to be the scapegoat, and another the 'servant' who has to scurry around for the narcissists every need. So now my mum is the narcissist and my dad is the servant (he hardly ever rests) and I am the scapegoat. The family know what she is doing, they talk about her behind her back all the time saying how bad she is, but they wouldnt dare tell her to sort out her behaviour - always been the same for generations her side. I am going to have to leave her toxic world soon, but it means sacrificing my relationship with my dad, sister, and toddler nephew - because mum will never allow me to be 'part' of the family or allow me to get confidence to get a good life for myself whilst around her.

Is this the kind of thing you were talking about?

 

[shimmerz]

But leave out the second half in compare & contrast?

Can you expand on this please Friday? Can you describe the contrast?

I think what you're describing is more on the narcissistic behavior/line?????

Yes, it is possible. But many of us with narcissistic parents deal with an all or nothing dynamic in these families. And if you disagree with any portion of the dynamic you lose everything, are kicked out of the family.... huge issues occur.

I am happy for any or all comments on this. Like I said, I am figuring something out in my head here that has a great amount of relevance. I have a very major decision to make in the near future and am attempting to look at things differently, as the way I have looked at it in the past has not been helpful.

Thanks for you patience.

 

[shimmerz]

Is this the kind of thing you were talking about?

Yes and no. I think I am looking at it from more of a, when someone in the family is looking for any form of autonomy POV. What happens to them? Are they extricated from the family? Are all perceived perks of belonging to 'the family' ripped away from them? If they express autonomy are they threatened with 'you are no longer part of us?' propaganda? Do they lose their sense of selves because they are so enmeshed with 'the family'?

 

[shimmerz]

but it means sacrificing my relationship with my dad, sister, and toddler nephew - because mum will never allow me to be 'part' of the family or allow me to get confidence to get a good life for myself whilst around her.

Exactly. So my question is, does this ramp it up from just a dysfunctional family to leaving the person who refuses to play the game to their own devices? And if a child was raised believing that their self was really all about the family.... are their enough similarities there for the ensuing chaos to be similar enough to those who were raised in a cult. Must they deprogram themselves as a cult survivor must?

 

[Beks]

I guess it depends what way your looking at it then - I guess cults have a financial/ community power gain too?
When it comes to analysing abusive and narcissistic people, I found Lundy Bancroft book very helpful - he explains the 'background' to domestic abuse in his 'why does he(or she) do that' book. Otherwise have done a heck of a lot of internet reading and counselling discussinons.
Perhaps the main thing to focus on is how every member of an abusive situation - cult or family - will play to keep the one in charge 'happy' (well, they are never happy so thats the wrong word but you know what I mean), and how hard it is to get everyone to see and change the situation.

 

[Beks]

Exactly. So my question is, does this ramp it up from just a dysfunctional family to leaving the pers...

Sorry I keep editing this answer!
Simply answered, I'd say yes. Learn to recognis it, and then learn to not follow the game - otherwise may likely happen again in future relationships.

And it can sound selfish - like for me, I know my nephew is growing up with a very dysfunctional / toxic granny babysitting regularly so sis can work. But then again, my sis is taking an 'easy' path to allow mum to babysit - despite mums sever psychological and physical abuse to sis growing up, continued toxic behaviour and binge-alcoholism. Iv had to step in many times, and listen to my sis moaning on about my mum to me, but not doing anything about it. But when Im not there my sis will be on her own to deal with it, and my mum will have opportunity to turn nephew against me in her imaginary family feud.