How bad before you go to hospital, can you keep it private?

[Warrior Chicken]

Just wondering, and know there are big variations with when to go. Never ever judge anyone for seeking help, in fact I honour those who do.
My pride is interfering and I want it to be private. But if I have these things then I clearly don’t need a hand with my stuff.

Feeling trapped and overwhelmed. Plans, images. Been here before. Difficult time of year.

Can you sort your stuff out with professionals without your supporter knowing? I’m sorry supporters.....please chime in, but I can’t fathom mine knowing it’s this difficult. I work hard to hide all this. But I feel trapped at the moment. Not cuz of him, but my brain is violent with memories.

Anyways, ears are open. Suggestions good.

 

[Freida]

If you have to go you have to go
You can sort the rest out later.
Safety and sanity for right now -- let tomorrows problems be tomorrows problems

Oddly though this question came up once before -- I think in the what are they thinking thread. It was about sufferers not telling their supporters they were in the hospital. Gotta tell you - their reaction was surprising. They were devastated. Because they care - and the idea that their sufferer wouldn't trust them enough to tell them they were so stressed they wanted to go to the hospital just undid them.

I guess it makes sense. I mean, I'd be undone if hubby didn't trust me enough to tell me he was going to the er because he had chest pains. I'd have to ask why he wouldn't think I would care. Then in my own hypocritical style I'd be right there not telling him because I would be afraid he would care too much. Which can be kind of a problem for us - huh?

Hubby tells me all the freaking time ... "you don't have to do this on your own. You have me to help you. You don't have to keep pretending you're ok." And I know that. But I don't want to. Because it just...complicates things. But. The night it was finally too much for me he was the one who made me call for help--- because he knew I was struggling. He didn't know why. And he still doesn't.

That's a big thing to realize. Your SO can know you are in pain, know you are losing your shit, know you need help. Chances are he's already aware of that and when you say you want to go to the ER he will jump in the car to drive you because you're not hiding it as well as you think you are. But once you get there? It doesn't mean you have to give details of what you are struggling with. That can stay between you and the doc.

I'm taking a big jump here that this is why you want this to be private just because that's how it worked with me. It was humiliating enough that I was being so damn needy - the last thing I wanted was for him to have to learn all the details of why. The surprising thing was that he was ok with it. He just wanted to be there for me --he didn't have to know what all was banging around in my head.

It still works that way. He knows when I get all undone and he wants to help. Sometimes I let him, sometimes I don't. But "helping" means just being there for me. He knows there are many I will never tell him -- and that's ok. For both of us. And yes, it also means that sometimes I have to trust him enough to tell him how I'm feeling. It's a two way street y'know.

So stop the pride nonsense, have faith in your SO and go get help. :hug: :hug:

 

[Sideways]

Is getting yourself to hospital, or arranging a hospital stay with your T, first, then telling your SO once it's organised, an option?

As shit as it is, sometimes it's better than the alternative. Know that dark horrible place I can go to, and it's just not worth going back there for the sake of a few uncomfortable nights that tide me through it safely.

But I always arrange it, then when I've got the plans all squared, then I let people know. Or call them after I've been admitted. That way, I'm not keeping them out of the loop, but I'm not handing them the problem until after the solution to it is already in the works. So all they need to do is support me, not solve the problem for me.

 

[EveHarrington]

When you know, you just know. Not sure about your situation as all hospitals are different, but from making the call to admission can be within a few hours....a bit whirlwind but it is what it is.

 

[Ronin]

I'd say deal with your trap -> so seek care for you, first, worry about him and him worrying, later?

Personal on this wouldn't be helpful as I don't do psych hospitals and the only way I'm even talking to anyone psych is if they can guarantee it won't result in an admission.

But for people where that is a viable option? By all means use the resource, don't wait up.

And yeah, I didn't tell my supporter jack for more than half a year. Trust them. Could tell them / clear no prob. Can't tell them, tried.

 

[scout86]

Partly, this is probably just me. I don't like hospitals, tend not to trust doctors, and, as my T has observed, I don't do well in captivity. For all of those reasons, personally, I wouldn't go to a hospital without running it past my T first. It's my perception (maybe wildly inaccurate) that all hospitals aren't created equal and things can go sideways in a hurry.

I can't remember what your SO is like. Ignore this is he or she is a mean, dimwitted, unhelpful jerk. This MIGHT be a good time to include them in your world. I've noticed that, sometimes, the act of sharing what's going on with the right person can actually help defuse things. (Who knew?) I'll confess I don't totally understand that, and it too can go sideways, but it might be worth a try.

 

[Ronin]

You could also view seeking help as helping the SO; not only no need to worry about you (and you being somewhere where people are, hopefully, trained-equipped AND willing to help)

But no need to worry about all the things not told now either... as you are where it's tended to and not their problem, and when you're back, the now stuff won't be one, it will be a different bundle.

 

[Friday]

I’ve learned that if I want to control the outcome? Of anything, much less anything truly important to me... I need to plan.

Meaning, if you have any real desire to keep it quiet, or direct what kind of treatment you receive... that the time to do something about that, is as soon as possible, ASAP (working with your T, researching places, arranging time away, etc.) rather than putting it off until the last possible moment, when you’re depending on nuthin’ but luck.

Benefit(s) to bringing it up with your T today...
- Things can always get better, and you don’t have to go, if you don’t want to. It’s an option. Not a commitment. Contingencies aren’t certainties.
- You have time to work out various options with/around/surrounding your partner. Both in your own head/heart, and gamin out a few scenarios with your T as to how to make the best of that. Ways to bring it up to them yourself or with backup, or releases signed so T can contact them so they aren’t out of their mind afraid for you (and reporting you missing, fearing the worst, etc.), or -speaking as someone who had to hide their surgeries for their own safety (my then husband was a coward, only ever attacked kids & the weak/injured/vulnerable, but a dangerous coward)- ways to completely hide where you are and what you’re doing from your partner, etc.
- Choice in program type, location, duration
- PlanB ... IE if things get more serious, fast, where to go when (rather than waiting on an admit to a trauma program)
- The less I depend on luck? The more luck I usually have.

Plans, images. Been here before. Difficult time of year.

HINT : If you’re planning a worst case... makes sense to plan for a BETTER outcome, right? Don’t just plan how to lose the battle. Plan how to win it, too.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

Thanks all. Still in the thickets. How it goes.
I don’t believe hospital is viable option.
Yes, fantastic advice here. Plan, plan better outcome. But just can’t see how to do that from the quicksand.
If I really wanted to exit, that’s it. I’d be gone. No word said. Done.
But people make things complicated and I care about one. Not right.

 

[Ronin]

Your starting point right there sistah: UP the not wanna. Every piece of wanting to live. Every touch. Every smile.

Wish to die is a liar. A terrible one. Twists shit. Like you'd listen to that enemy propaganda ;) Better than that. Listen to evry thought tells ya how awesome and needed and valued you are. f*ck the naysayers and doubters.

That one someone? Is special. Truly, to mean so much. A reason to stay. And if you stop caring? Double reason to stay. Because you once cared so much... and needa find that spot again.

I really wanna do a longer reply bc you deserve long, and a good reply, just meds bit up and idk when I'm soonest up. But will totally see ya soonest. Will drag you if I can't so don't tempt my worse and same caring f*cklot sides.

And in case ya needed, tight hugs.
In case not needed, you can punch me ;)

 

[Freida]

Yes, fantastic advice here. Plan, plan better outcome. But just can’t see how to do that from the quicksand.

The advice works in the quicksand. It's ok to say "Im in trouble, I'm going to the hospital, we can talk about it when I get home." Pride has no place when you are under fire. You take whatever cover you can. This is the same thing.

Wish to die is a liar. A terrible one. Twists shit. Like you'd listen to that enemy propaganda ;) Better than that. Listen to evry thought tells ya how awesome and needed and valued you are. f*ck the naysayers and doubters.

yes --- this!

 

[shatter eyes]

Sometimes I find worrying about others make things more difficult for me to process. For me when I start having images and plans it is a sign a storm clouds are coming and storm can follow. Like you said this us difficult time of year. How are you doing now days later?

Wish to die is a liar. A terrible one. Twists shit. Like you'd listen to that enemy propaganda ;) Better than that. Listen to evry thought tells ya how awesome and needed and valued you are. f*ck the naysayers and doubters.

Amen ?