How Can I Support Him And Comfort Him A Bit?

[felicia]

For those of you who suffer with combat PTSD....What can a significant other do to comfort you? I feel like I always say or do the wrong thing. He gets upset even with the tone of my voice and my facial expressions. He said "you are not very comforting" but I don't know what to do? I didn't realize I was doing something wrong. So if you could help me out. What can I do to comfort my loved one when he is going through bad times? Next month will be so hard for him because it was the time he had gotten hit by an IED and witnessed a lot of bad things happen to his friends. Help me please? I just want to be there for him and not get pushed away.

 

[Fargo1]

Felicia,

Sorry for your trials, however, this site is for Combat Veterans with PTSD. When you signed up there were large red letters telling you this. Your post is more appropriate at the sister site My PTSD.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Welcome Felicia, I have no one solution but can tell you what NOT to do. Don't feed the "Beast" (his PTSD).

Depending on the trigger - the rage could be a desire to throw someone and/or something against a wall or just isolate in the cellar among my uncompleted projects. I found out that it's more economical to put some SPACE between the trigger and thrower. Time and space seems to carry a soothing solution to the situation. Less inanimate objects to repair and/or replace. Living with someone with PTSD can strain the best relationship no matter how deep you love him/her.

My bride almost has a sixth sense when the insanity begins she can make herself very stealth and just disappear till the storm passes. I don't get physical with her (someone has to answer the door when the cops arrive) and never have, but I can make enough noise to attract the neighbors. I would say the best thing is the calm after the storm which she has mastered with a gentle "Are you done". Then we sit and look at what it was all about - which ends up to be mostly over NOTHING.... again.

I'm sure that others being on the receiving end have more suggestions.

I'm a graduate of two anger management courses and probably could use a third.

Ba

 

[JarHed]

Hi Felicia

It's unfortunate that PTSD isn't a relationship friendly condition. It's great that you care and that's important. More important, though, is that he gets some help with his problem. It's really up to him to work on it and get better. You can support him but he has to do the work. You might also need some support as well. As Fargo suggested, our sister site has many in your situation that can help better than we can here.

We would love it if your significant other would find us here and perhaps we could help in some way. I wish you both the best with this struggle. Stay safe and stay strong.

JarHed