General When is enough enough, how can I save him from himself?

[Brumbyinthesunshine]

You can't save someone who doesn't want to decide to be saved.

This.

 

[Ecdysis]

@Brumbyinthesunshine - I'm wary to write a reply here because I'm also a PTSD-sufferer, as well as a former PTSD-supporter and there are strict rules about what sufferers are allowed to write in this section.

I would like to give you some honest feedback tho and will try to word it as gently as possible.

From your posts over the last few weeks, I can see no real understanding of what PTSD is, how it works, what it's like to live with it, what helps/ what doesn't and what the likelihood of improvment/ the long-term outcomes are.

From what I can tell, you have a sort of "fairytale" type concept of trauma and PTSD and that makes your attempts at being supportive backfire, imo.

If I was in the role of being a sufferer in your life, I'd be receding, cutting off contact and distancing myself too because your attempts at support would really be grating on my nerves, making me more symptomatic and would be having an unhelpful, destabilising effect. So in terms of self-care, I'd be putting a stop to those interactions.

I think you would be well advised to try to move on from the unfortunate experience you had with a PTSD-sufferer and try to seek out relationships with people who don't have PTSD.

It's okay that you don't understand PTSD. Very few people do. It's not a nice thing to live with, either as a sufferer or as a supporter.

Knowing both roles, I'd even say that as the sufferer, while you did go through the trauma and are bearing the burden of that, at least you know (more or less) what's going on with yourself and you have some degree of control as to how much effort you put into doing therapy and self-care and whatever. As a supporter, you often have zero influence on that and that can leave you feeling utterly helpless.

At the same time, your posts also seem to indicate that "supporters have it worse than sufferers" - which I can kind of "understand" given that you're feeling the pain of a failed relationship - but if you calmly reflect, then I think maybe you can see that someone going through massive trauma and living with the effects of that for decades, 24/7 is somewhat "worse" than merely being a bystander - which is what a supporter essentially is.

I'm honestly not sure how helpful this forum is for you... Other than "validating" you that "being a supporter can be awful", I'm not sure how it's benefitting you in terms of insight or healing? It's valid for you to be using the Supporter's section for venting out your frustration about a PTSD ex partner, as a way of getting over him - but it might be more helpful if you were honest with yourself that that's what you're doing?

If any parts, or all of this post don't comply with the rules for sufferers posting here, please delete parts or all of this post, as appropriate.

 

[Brumbyinthesunshine]

As a supporter, you often have zero influence on that and that can leave you feeling utterly helpless.

Thank you for acknowledging this - please see "quote for the day "thread.
I wish you well.

It's valid for you to be using the Supporter's section for venting out your frustration about a PTSD ex partner, as a way of getting over him - but it might be more helpful if you were honest with yourself that that's what you're doing?

Please see- quote for the day.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Some statements are severely misinterpreted on this forum sadly.

Just like you misinterpreted @Friday’s post. I didn’t see any hostility there. I saw her make a point that maybe you did not want to hear.

Have you read the PTSD cup explanation? If not, it is well worth the read. It makes it easy to visualize how a broken stress response works.

The ptsd cup explanation

Nearly a decade ago (2006) I wrote The PTSD Cup Explanation, a simple view of how PTSD causes symptoms in day-to-day life. This article is an update to that original piece. Regardless of the type of trauma endured, the PTSD Cup does not change, deviate or apply differently to your circumstance...

www.myptsd.com

What @Friday was saying is that he may be focusing on survival and not contact right now.

Suicidal ideation unfortunately comes with the territory, and sometimes it is hard to differentiate between that and actual suicidal intent. It’s the difference between “I should just off myself” and “I am going to off myself.”