How Did You React When You Began Exposure Therapy?

[UmightKnowMe]

Thank you kers. I don't know why it seems I need so much validation from others. A part of me KNOWS I am working hard and have nothing to be ashamed of or worry about and this is a process and all that...but there is another big part of me that won't take MY word for anything.

I did start a trauma diary. I went the 'chicken' way out for now and kept it private but it is a beginning right?

 

[cyndi]

Kudos on Starting Your Journal!

I would say strating a journal about the trauma is anything but a "chicken" way out :thumbs-up Pat on the back. You assesed what you can do right now and that's the right place for you. I've written out trauma from my childhood but not much of my more recent trauma. When you put it in cyberspace, it can be very healing, but it does also make you really vulnerable. I think you have more than enough on your plate, share only what you're ready to share on here.

Take care,
Cyndi

 

[UmightKnowMe]

Thanks again. I tried again to type it all out yesterday but when I hit send it said I wasnt signed in anymore and it was all gone. I feel like I gave all I had left typing it once and cant again or something. I tried again to go through it with my therapist. Again I failed. So many brave peopel here....but not me.

 

[cyndi]

First things first: you're not going to get anywhere beating up on yourself. You are doing great. You are in therapy, journaling, getting help and support on this board, etc. I write out postits to myself (all over my bathroom mirror and computer monitor) of positive things, some about me, some just inspirational quotes. One is from a sermon I listened to from a Unity church, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be." Meaning that where you put your energy and thoughts, that is what will follow. If you beat up on yourself, you will end up beaten. As cheesy as all the books on positive thinking can be, it does help. It's not a cure-all, but it does make a huge difference. Beat your head against a wall: :wall:and you'll end up with bruises and a heck of a headache. (I just really wanted to use that smiley and it worked into what I was saying, yea) teehee

 

[UmightKnowMe]

Well I did it. I did a short version though. I cant do all the details in all 5 senses. I hit submit and it is there but private. I still feel like I just did some awful thing putting it in words like that. I feel like hiding. Shameful

 

[kers]

You did great! Simply putting words to the experience for your own mind to sort through is the most powerful part.

 

[pandora]

Great job for starting. I have more than once hit send after pouring my heart out over really emotional information and gone! Give yourself a break! It is hard work but the hard work will pay off in the end.

 

[UmightKnowMe]

Thanks. I have been working hard with my therapist too. I am having some kind of weird feelings now that I havent had before and am not sure how to process that. Good thing I have another appt. today cuz I feel like I am FULL of something..and unstable.

 

[UmightKnowMe]

What an appointment. Wow. I am all wrung out. I can't tell you what all we talked about, so much is foggy but the full up feeling is gone for now. That is good cuz it was scary.

 

[pandora]

Do you feel more stable after your appt?????

 

[UmightKnowMe]

Yes actually I do (did). It took some time though and some more communication with my therapist via phone because I was feeling ashamed and crazy and confused about all the emotion and stuff that I let show for the first time ever. I think once I got reassurance that YES it felt really bad but actually it was a GOOD session I was able to relax and enjoy the respite from all this emotion that was building up.

I was very very very tired and wrung out and all that for a few days. Then things started ramping up again. Nowhere near the level it was at...but I am seeing that there probably are going to be more appts like the last one. And starting to become apprehensive about the next one. But have to be brave and NOT do what my instinct is and avoid and hide and push it all down.