How do i deal with the guilt?

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @gizmo , for your dear self and kindness. :hug::hug::inlove:

Yes, I'm sure it didn't help my self-concept.. :eek: :cry:

It probably helps me possibly understand to some degree how it feels for others to live with, & their attempts to cope with, seering guilt. The unthinkable. The unimaginable.

 

[Tinyflame]

Maybe, I think we have to trust to let it go, that they would not want us to keep carrying such guilt. They're dead, they're at peace. That they forgive us and now we should forgive ourselves, and apply that empathy of knowing what a terrible cross it is to bear for others carrying such guilt and heartache.

Like that saying, 'Who is condemning you? No one? Well I don't either.. go and don't repeat it'.

Placed or misplaced I've often been my own judge and jury, feels like living in a self-perpetuating hell.

I suppose the crux is I never felt entitled to forgiveness. Along with anything else.

Thanks Giz :hug::hug::inlove:, xox.

ETA! Just came back to say- maybe that's the key- '..go and don't repeat it'- If I/(we) did not want it, had no intention of it, cannot in honesty even imagine what we would have done differently considering the context/ moment in time/ choices/ emotional state/ age/ lack of help or knowledge or power, how much guilt ~should be there? That is, we can't 'not repeat' what we didn't choose and didn't want or didn't intend in the first place.

I think? :confused:

 

[Swift]

Hey, I just saw this and am late to the party.
I'm sorry that you're feeling guilt. It's one of the hardest things to shake for me, and I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. It seems more entrenched to me than any other emotion. One of the reasons I think that is, for me, is guilt feels actionable? Like, sadness and anger and stuff feel like a Feeling. Guilt is a whole thought train of I could have. Brains are great at finding solutions to problems. And I think mine gets carried away with the could-haves.

Have you heard of "fight, flight or freeze?" I've definitely been a freeze type in the past. I don't know the circumstances but it is a response to stress. I still give myself hell over freezing (pun intended). But yeah, that blew my mind when I learnt that freezing was an evolutionary response as much as fight or flight was.

 

[Tinyflame]

guilt feels actionable?

Thank you @Swift , ^^ I think this is a truism when you expect to be responsible.

definitely been a freeze type in the past. I don't know the circumstances but it is a response to stress

Interesting. I could see conditioning or personality influencing it.

The problem is, when I've frozen and the consequences are mine, it's one thing. Failing to protect someone else on my part, is that not sheer cowardice? :(:cry::meh: