How Do I Drill Down To Something Smaller?

[Justmehere]

One other thing: challenging a distorted thought doesn't mean you believe the neutral thought.

Think of hypothetical ways the thought could be a distortion, and other hypothetical possibilities.

That's another way to do this.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

It would be ideal to keep this thread on the one topic of following this process out. Not those other issues of how people responded. I get that those responses by other have added to your own negative self talk, but their responses to you are not the root issue. They are important matters that have been hashed out in other threads.

Doing that isn't changing the pattern. This work through this process requires focusing on the root issues. A thought log (again, different than a trauma diary) would help show that this comes down to root issues, that Es come up in current circumstances.

The long term solution to how people repainted is to wrk through the root issues and thoughts. It isn't to ignore those matters that came up, but to keep this process (and this thread) focused on those root thoughts that were there before you even joined the forum.

Im just talking from hurt. I likely will erase and change my diary post that ive been trying to write; i do toss around everything that everyone says around in my hear even if people only see me fighting it. Likely will with this w/ this issue. Its my severe abandonment issue showing itself.

I wanted to do that here, talk out the process here as when it stayed in my head i get stuck, fast. But i thought you were saying in the other thread that that is 'cult like' and i need to do it on my own. It was helping in that thread and thought it was ok it had gone off topic since it was mine.

@scout86 i'll get to you, i gotta get to my PC inside work as im sitting in my car at work. I do need to stop letting the site affect my job as it has been. Im nearing a final write up at the moment and ended up w/ a half of an occurence last wed cuz i was tail spinning so bad that i couldnt talk to people and ended up being 18 mins over in break.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

One other thing: challenging a distorted thought doesn't mean you believe the neutral thought.

Think...

Would it be worth while for me to write out here what i would tell another person? I CAN do that. To apply it to myself or @scout86 to tell you WHY i define myself as "other" or lower than everyone else. Im not sure yet. Likely the cult beliefs as i was/am (in my head) the "demon child that is what is all evil and bad in the world". Not sure i can break that up yet.

Feels like im trying to climb mount everest with two broken legs though...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

you sound overwhelmed

I generally stay overwhelmed; tossing things around w/ my cult brain fighting me. Sometimes i can get to a "lightbulb moment" but trying to unbrainwash youself is like trying to climb mount everest w/ 2 broken legs (or thats how it feels). I was hoping that this site could be like a person w/ the one w/ two broken legs, hold on to his shoulder. He must walk by himself but someone can help him along to get up the mountian.

It wouls be a ton easier if my family werent the way they are, but they are and i have no friends.

Again, am in a place of severe pain due to the content read, its like reading all the bad stuff people think of you when you already feel like the worst person on the planet.

But like everything here, its a learning experience. Just hurts is all...

 

[blackemerald1]

I am not being flippant. People will help you up that mountain because they are on their journey there too.
Get into work. Work on this later. The problem is not going to get easier if you get the sack!
We will still be here when when you need us. Read again @scout86 method & take a break from the 'Yes but..... responses. Have a great day at work & live in the moment.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

possible that your abusers wanted you to think that?

Possible & likely; just cant seem to get past it yet. Its so engrained in me that i cant seem to get past it YET; but i am determined.

BTW, you are NEVER annoying! I very much enjoy going back and forth w/ you and more importantlt, its helping!

 

[The Albatross]

I think that instead of sticking to the opening topic, you're unhelpful tendency is to conflate the issues. On your basic list for instance, your love for your step father wasn't even on the list?


"I let them do it to me" and "i didnt refuse to kill small animals"

Means im weak? Am i doing that right? You answered the again but i cant seem to go anywhere else

Or i can answer it the way my therapist does; I was threaten if I didnt, id be punished so,

I was scared of punishments...next ine leaves me with just

I was scared. (But this is a feeling"

 

[The Albatross]

I think that a good rule of thumb might be to keep a topic on topic... you're running yourself into circles here and predictably that is confusing the issue.

 

[shimmerz]

To be loved i have to have sex.

Sex = Love
Love = Sex

Cognitive distortion. Love does NOT equal sex nor does Sex equal love.

Somehow along the line you tied the meaning of the two. The two are not at all the same. Sex can be selfish, abusive, degrading, hurtful, harmful, psychologically torturous (the list goes on).
Love, on the other hand, is kind and honest, compassionate, selfless, pure (the list goes on).

Bring warped values of sex into what one considers 'love' and things can go to hell in a handbasket very quickly.

I wanted and still want to be loved.

Of course you do. It is wired into us all. The problem would be the two are so tied together as you have been taught they should be.

The problem, as far as I can see it is that your belief system dictates that you defend your position regardless of external feedback. This usually indicates a faulty belief system. Sex, especially the way it was presented to you, is NOT loving. I am not doing anyone any good if I see a blatantly faulty belief system and ---- because you react to my response in a negative way ---- which is usually the only way out of a faulty belief system, continue to feed the lie. Not my job to do that.

Can you define what love is without sex involved? Can you define what sex is without love involved?

THAT is a drill down imho. Figuring out how people f*cked up our ideas and concepts of key words and learning how to redefine them.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am not being flippant. People will help you up that mountain because they are on their journey th...

I work in a call center and reply between calls, sometimes on a call if waiting for a customer to do troubleshooting, and on breaks and lunches. That isnr the problem, the problem is replying while in after call work (not getring a call) and allowing myself to go late from breaks ans lunches while going back and forth w/ someone when triggered.

Basically i need to learn to set the phone down when i need to work but i gotta keep my mind busy when we arent slammed (thats why i LOVE back to back calls; keeps my mind busy) my brain tends to wander to places it shouldnt

 

[Justmehere]

I wanted to do that here, talk out the process here as when it stayed in my head i get stuck, fast. But i thought you were saying in the other thread that that is 'cult like' and i need to do it on my own. It was helping in that thread and thought it was ok it had gone off topic since it was mine.

No, I didn't say that doing the process here is cult like. I didn't say anything here is cult like. I said that if we gave you all the answers to the questions we would be telling you what to think or doing all your thinking for you. You already had tears of the cult telling you what to think and we would be doing a disservice if we tell you different things to think. It wouldn't really work anyhow, as the forum doesn't hold the power to deprogram you, only you can do that, with working with your therapist. The best cult recovery groups hold in high regard the process of someone in recovery from a cult learning to decide for themselves an choose for themselves what they believe,

Doing the process hat YOU are doing, and posting it here on the forum isn't being cult like. But seeking us to tell you what to think about all things and challenge all your thoughts for you, that's not healthy either. People here can help guide you in the process, but in the end, it is you that has to the work. I posting that work here isn't cult like, and I don't see anyone here on this thread posting frustration with you for doing so. You are projecting your own frustration on to others. It is ok, we all project from time to time.

There is also something else important to consider.

Do these thoughts and beliefs work for you?

You can choose to believe that you are different from all the rest of humanity and that you had powers as a child that no other child did. That is bordering on delusional, but it can still be something you choose to believe. I don't believe it, but I can't convince you out of it. I think it is what your abusers may have brought and I refuse to agree with them or agree that you are somehow different from all humanity.

If you did a thought log, you would likely be able to better see how that thought affects how you feel and how it impacts the way you act.

You can also choose to consider a different hypothesis, a different possible neutral thought, and with a thought log, track how you feel and how that possible thought impacts behavior.

This isn't just about thinking, but also about the feelings and behavioral changes when we consider other thoughts might be possible options, or learn to hold on to negative self judgements more loosely.

What you have been doing isn't working, and it is up to you to choose and consider other options might be more helpful conclusions than the conclusions you have currently come to.

If I am at all frustrated, it is not with you but the a-holes who taught you to believe this stuff as a child to begin with.

 

[shimmerz]

I have not a clue how im gonna do any of this without clearer minds giving me challenging replies (always listened to, even if my brainwashed self fights it, the me inside screaming for help but has no idea how to get out listens and takes it all in; even when people couldnt see that).

Liking a few posts would be a great help too. It shows that you appreciate the thoughts and ideas and respect the fact that people have put energy into your issues. Or perhaps saying 'thank you' in a post regarding helpful advice. You may find that people feel as if their time and energy has been honoured by you.