General How do I stop upsetting him ? Advice needed please.

[stargirl]

He says it’s just me who causes him problems- everyone else is fine. I am just a “ not nice person”. I am trying so so hard and he’s using his therapy like a weapon. It feels like he’s saying” My T thinks you’re a problem too.” And the T only knows what he says. I dunno, it just sucks. And he’s like my family. Even though he can be such a jerk, I love him.

Yes, I understand completely all that I read. I know mine just started treatment, so good, but his explosive rage is over the top, more so than before he saw the therapist. I am living in a war zone. Made appt with someone for myself for tomorrow who specializes in vicariousPTSD. An ant crawling across his arm sets him off now anf it's my fault. Cognitively I know better, but ya know how it is....told me How could I have picked you 20 years ago and see you would become the bitch from hell. Go away. Leaving him be, going to spend day with a friend at her pool. Have a place to go if need to. He said, don't push my buttons cuz you don't wanna see where I can go!!! Well raging and cruel words and throwing things etc. has now become norm....so what he could do? Scary. Ya know I get the feeling he really wants to hit me or freak out to the point cops are called and then suicide by cop scenario. Untenable. I have resources and preparing a go bag etc. How did it come to this point? Wow me...

 

[Freida]

Well raging and cruel words and throwing things etc. has now become norm....so what he could do?

This is NOT ok. PTSD doesn't give you the right to be an abusive asshat. Yes things get tougher when you first start therapy but that's not an excuse for taking it out on those around you. You are not his personal pinata for when he is stressed out. If he can't cope he needs to go inpatient until he can.

My advice? Get out. Once he gets his shit together he can try to make it up to you. Until then your safety and sanity come first. I know your heart is in the right place but you are not helping him by allowing this behavior.