I distinctly remember my Dad warning me off that 17 year old boy when I was merely 14. He told me time and again. He never liked him. Now, he refers to him as "that a**hole", but he doesn't know the half of it.
How do I tell him that I, his precious daughter, was sexually abused for a year by "that a**hole"?
I was diagnosed in December, but I've been suffering over the six years since it started. Very few people know about my PTSD, one being my long-term partner and the other my best friend. My partner tells me of when my father took him aside during our first Christmas together, and told him about "that a**hole". He said "I won't tell you how bad it was, but it wasn't good." Needless to say, Chris knows a lot more than my father.
I torture myself for hours, rolling around in bed trying to phrase it, imagining a conversation with him. Like me, my father has a short temper, but we've always been close. I have a disastrous relationship with my mother, and I doubt I'd ever tell her. I can see a conversation with him going only one way: That he'll explode. Not at me, but at what happened.
Thinking about this gets my heart rate racing, fingers shaking and I feel nauseous. It would make life so much easier if he knew. If he understood why I have so little energy, why I'm so hyper-vigilant, why I get so upset so easily, why I sleep badly, why I have so little motivation to do anything.
I've considered so many ways of telling him. Do I go to his office (he works from home) and just spill? Suggest we go for a dog walk (his preferred method of talking about serious things)?
If I tell him, how do I avoid my mother finding out?
Gods, my head hurts.
How do I tell him that I, his precious daughter, was sexually abused for a year by "that a**hole"?
I was diagnosed in December, but I've been suffering over the six years since it started. Very few people know about my PTSD, one being my long-term partner and the other my best friend. My partner tells me of when my father took him aside during our first Christmas together, and told him about "that a**hole". He said "I won't tell you how bad it was, but it wasn't good." Needless to say, Chris knows a lot more than my father.
I torture myself for hours, rolling around in bed trying to phrase it, imagining a conversation with him. Like me, my father has a short temper, but we've always been close. I have a disastrous relationship with my mother, and I doubt I'd ever tell her. I can see a conversation with him going only one way: That he'll explode. Not at me, but at what happened.
Thinking about this gets my heart rate racing, fingers shaking and I feel nauseous. It would make life so much easier if he knew. If he understood why I have so little energy, why I'm so hyper-vigilant, why I get so upset so easily, why I sleep badly, why I have so little motivation to do anything.
I've considered so many ways of telling him. Do I go to his office (he works from home) and just spill? Suggest we go for a dog walk (his preferred method of talking about serious things)?
If I tell him, how do I avoid my mother finding out?
Gods, my head hurts.
