How Do People Respond To Your Trauma/Post-Trauma?

[sunnydaze]

People get very uncomfortable when you talk about it. I have always been open about my tramas. My family thought, I should never tell anyone. If I hadn't, I may not be here today. I just met 2 ladies a few months ago, I was invited to their home Sunday. Since, I don't have any friends I thought what the heck. They proceeded to tell me about their suffering of PTSD from sexual abuse. The daughter of one of them just has the look in her face, she is about 8 years old. I came out and asked if she was abused and they told me yes from her biological father, than a few months ago her step-father tried to take his life in their home and the poor girl got up to use the bathroom and found him almost dead. I asked if she is going to conselling. I was told yes, but was not convinced. I told her for almost 50 years, I have had this hanging over my neck and begged them to get her help immediately. I sure hope so. It seemed like they told her they both were abused and it happens to alot of people. I hope that is not what they call help. My family don't want to hear about my past. They as the rest of the people I know think it is about time that I put the past in the past. If it was that easy, I would have years ago. PTSD makes one feel like an alien from another planet.
sunnydaze

 

[Deleted member 487]

I have a lot of difficulty in telling anyone about my traumas because they WILL discriminate and harass me. It's ok for them to do anything and everything to me, but I cannot have so much as one smidgeon of privacy. Too often it's called the "war on terror". War on terror. Because they are afraid of a muslim in Iraqi blowing up school children, I must SURRENDER my privacy here in the US. My ass. When I tried to go to college, I had to "tell" them about my income. Not prove, TELL. Excuse me?
When I applied to attend college, I was told I had to give certain information to be accepted. The release of the same information is regulated by law, but the school, fearful of the War on Terror, ignores that. They are fearful, thus I must surrender my religious rights, my privacy rights, all in the name of keeping them warm and cozy from a war that is, last I knew, happening over 12,000 miles away.

 

[chloangel]

how people respond to my ptsd

Which part of it, I know that I burned out a relationship recently. He said I was too intense etc. There are some really good things I do, but I also cope poorly with things or people that trigger my stress. After christmas I had to put my dog down, the way I handled the aftermath freaked him out , he left so now I just made things worse. A lot of what happens to us, what we do seems to burn people out.

 

[strawberryburns]

Some people are understanding, I have a few friends that understand and are still there for me...for now anyway. The counselors at the DV shelter of course were awesome at being understanding and supportive. But more times than not I am met with looks of horror or told "OK, STOP right there. I don't want to know anymore, I just ...it's too much." To me it is my life, stuff that I went through that in my world was the norm. I guess I should feel validated by their shock and horror since I used minimization as a coping tool on a regular basis from the time I was a child, for me it's been the only way to survive things and not end up in some state mental hospital. But really most of the time I kinda feel like a freak show or that people don't believe me. In my head I hear "STUPID! Why did you talk about that?! You should just learn to keep your mouth shut!" Even in the understanding atmosphere of this forum I don't think I ever will be able to talk about certain things that are swimming around in my head.

 

[chrissym]

how do people respond to your trauma/post trauma?

i have found that the best place to talk and be understood was when i started going to ptsd groups. i don't think that anyone except others like us can truly understand what we go through.

 

[somacat]

I have c-ptsd and always tell people I have ptsd, no mention of the c word. I'm going to school to be a therapist and have heard way too many people refer to their patients as bi-polars As in, I had a bi-polar the other day, blah blah blah. No other people with a symptom are refered to by disorder, but apparently people w/ ptsd and/or bpd are the real crazies. I can't tell anybody one thing. The first trauma I experienced was when I was 9, and I was traumatized several times subsequently, but only developed symptoms after being raped the last time when I was 20. How do you tell people you've been raped many times but it was the last time that really got to you?

 

[Cindy]

Unless you have been there and done that, skip it.

I find it too hurtful to share with someone and take the risk of exposing myself to have them say: "Just get over it." "Stop living in the past." These remarks are from my family. Some of the reason they respond this way is to avoid taking responsibility for having not protecting me as a child. They feel guilty so they throw it back at me.
At first it really hurt me (for over a year) until I could understand that they couldn't begin to comprehend the complexity of my illness. I felt bad that they were not even willing to try to understand or be sensitive to my needs. Heaven forbid you rain on their parade.

These remarks are the most common. People with out PTSD just don't get it. They can't fathom the depth of the pain and suffering we experience regularly in our daily survival. We all wish we could stop it like they wish we could. We cannot control it.

The comments I really get angry about are: "I've got a little PTSD from that fight in the hallway I tried to break up" or "from the break up of my relationship". It just kills me when people identify PTSD with regards to a minor bump in the road compared to our pasts.

 

[cypher]

The only one I've shown one of my scars to, but did not share the story/background info to, was responded to with a short/shocked like silence then a change of subject.

Really the only people I talk to every day is the small group of people I work with. One person completely ignores everything, one asks if I'm ok ocasionally, one person just started working there and knows/asks nothing and the other knows about 5% of whats been happening. (I get the feeling it's talked about behind my back though???)

I H A T E it when people say "I'm so tired, I only got 4 hours of sleep last night...", or "I'm tired and my feet hurt. I just want to go home...." and s*** like that. I don't talk about what happened, or how many hours of sleep I got. I do my damnest to be in the present and block it all out while I'm at work. I've probally had 4 hours of sleep over the past 2 weeks. Sorry, got a little off topic there.

 

[nie]

I have been trying to talk to my husband more about it lately. He wants to listen and wants to help, but doesn't know how. Thus, he sometimes comes across as cold or uncaring. I think one has to be careful not to judge another's reaction, but to remember that he or she likely does not know how to react. I know that my husband loves me, and wants to know as much about me as possible, the good and the bad. Sometimes I have to remember that even if his response seems cold to me, it is probably just because he cannot understand and cannot know the "correct" way to respond.

 

[tude]

I am glad to see people continue to share their experience in this thread. As I continue to try and talk about this stuff with people, I continue to get mixed reactions. I try to remember some of what I have read here.

As a result, I can be a little more understanding and less dissappointed in their response. This helps me not to close down and stop talking all together.

Thanks, tude

 

[nic]

Wow, reading all these makes me feel pretty fortunate. While I haven't told too many people about the trauma, (and even fewer about the PTSD), those whom I have told have been supportive. Even freinds who "don't know what to say," at least say that they are there for me, and that helps, knowing that even if they can't do anything about it, they do care. I have told a couple of co-workers whom I'm close to. They weren't "shocked" or anything, and they treated me just the same. I think that by working in a public school and hearing all the stories we hear about our kids' lives, my fellow teachers tend to be a bit more understanding than the average person. The two whom I've told don't bring it up (unless I do first), but it kind of helps knowing that they know and are there IF I ever DO want to talk. It also helps that they treat me the same as everyone else...I guess it helps me feel more normal, and that the PTSD is a part of my life, but it doesn't define me.

 

[Cindy]

Survival strategies to make it through the day.

I don't talk about what happened, or how many hours of sleep I got. I do my damnest to be in the present and block it all out while I'm at work. I've probally had 4 hours of sleep over the past 2 weeks.

WOW - Is that the truth! S U R V I V A L!!!! Don't you have days that it is so hard to block it out. I just was discussing this with my psychologist this week that I'm having difficulty stuffing it back in or repressing it. His reply was I've grown beyond that and that strategy wouldn't work anymore.

So, NEW strategy - compartmentalize. Now I just have to label the boxes in the compartments. Let's see, sh**, More sh**, bad sh**, ....:dontknow: