How Do Sufferers Deal With Break Ups?

[ironbird]

I have been wondering if breaking up from someone who they have feelings for would make their symptoms worse in the short-term? Obviously everyone is different PTSD or not but I have also wondered if they can 'get over' the relationship easier since they have blocked out a lot of feelings previously in their life. Or do they just keep their feelings and move in like any other 'normal' person but deal with their PTSD ontop of that?

Thanks.

 

[Sterre]

I cannot deal with breakups. I get into depression mode instantly, even if I was the person to break the relation up. Every time I got into a relationship I got anxiety attacks the first few weeks. I got some seriuos abbondonment issues, and therefor i dont get involved in a relationship anymore. It's to heavy for me to handle a relationship.

 

[rcl]

Ironbird - I'm myself a sufferer and considering ending my relationship because it just gets too complicated, and because we can't understand eachother. There's so much going on in my head, that many times there is no space for affections left. In any case - PTSD or not - staying around because of "what might happen otherwise" just doesn't work. It could well be that the best thing for both is to end the relationship, even if it hurts and seems hard at first.

 

[becvan]

I have also wondered if they can 'get over' the relationship easier since they have blocked out a lot of feelings previously in their life.

Why someone can "get over" a relationship easier could be from many many things other than blocking out feelings. I am one of those "get over it quick" people, or so it seems to others. What others don't know (except those close to me) is that I have already worked through all the crap, grief and decisions by the time I break up with someone and so I have no extreme amount of time that others notice. As you pointed out, everyone is different and how we deal with things, and on what time frame is completely personal. Wish I could be more helpful but I wanted to point out that it could be just about anything that causes others to think that.

bec

 

[AzureMind]

Despite my condition, I deal rather well with most emotional situations including being alone most days and I think I could deal with a break up as well. I think it's because I know my boundaries, (both physical and emotional) and I realize that my condition for a "normal" person would be hard to deal with during the relationship: I have a real habit of being intense emotionally, but withdrawing and isolating emotionally for fear that I will be controlled, and abused/neglected....sex is also difficult because I'm afraid they won't understand my intensity in that department...sex is therapeutic and I tend to "release" my emotions there....and I think I invest too much emotion in the other person, to a degree they either can't match, or don't understand. As a matter of fact, I have only been in one relationship in my ENTIRE life since I was 18, and I'm now 22...I don't really have a great track record as you can see....:laugh:

 

[ironbird]

Interesting.

I was seeing a girl with ptsd who was badly abused etc and she always claimed she hadn't had feelings for anyone. She said shes always been numb in that area of emotions. It later came out she had feelings for me but ended things due to stress. I have been wondering if she would just get over me as easy as she says or if it is just a smokescreen and she is suffering at her own personal level but is willing to go through that rather than the stress of being with me.

She had never been with anyone before me. She had slept with one guy a couple times but it meant nothing. She is almost 22. I' guess im just trying to work out if ptsd effects someones abilities to get over things like this or if its totally dependent on the person...

 

[AzureMind]

Well Ironbird, I'll be honest; her condition isn't really helping her because of the abuse; I'm thinking because she was abused that opening her heart, is a IMMENSELY difficult, and the PTSD is apart of that, so yes it would affect her, at varying degrees; but she's human, so a break up for anyone OBVIOUSLY hurt for a time, but that time is dependent on the person, and not so much the condition that they may have...everyone has a unique level/skill set of coping mechanisms, some people for instance with PTSD, don't dissociate, and others (like me) can readily do so when ever we want as an extreme coping mechanism. In the end, it really depends on the person and their ability to cope with their PTSD.

 

[ironbird]

Makes sense.

I knew it just wasn't possible ptsd can make someone not have emotional feelings. She says shes never had feelings for any guy. She would have glimpses of them and then they'd just go away. So when she didn't see those guys again she wouldn't miss them at all. I have a suspicion that she went out with them because she knew they weren't her types so she wouldn't risk getting hurt. Its good now I know its dependent on her whether she is bothered by this break up. She often would tell me it wouldn't bother her at all but then her actions would say different... until she broke it off.

 

[becvan]

It's very possible to not have emotional feelings, it's called being numb! Your trying to take the most simple concept and automatically apply it to your ex-girlfriend. Perhaps whatever your ex said is actually the truth of how it works and what she thinks/feels? Have you even considered that yet?

Honestly when is enough here? None of us can tell you what her situation is, only she can. She has told you and you refuse to listen to what she had to say and are desperately digging for anything other than her answer. I'm sorry but it's time for you to let go. She left, it's over. Stop trying to find excuses to not let her go. PTSD is not always the reason for a break up.

bec

 

[Ted Moen]

"Go lightly from my window, leave at your own chosen speed. I'm not the one you want, Babe, I'm not the one you need." Bob Dylan. Before a lot of therapy, relationships made me very anxious, and the closer the relationship became, the more anxious I became. At some point I would start humming Dylan in my mind and do little things to encourage the intruder to go away. Once they were gone and I no longer had to deal with the old feelings being in a relationship triggered I would feel really good and start a number of projects and put stuff in order and such. Then at some point I would begin to feel alone and worthless and unloveable and all that stuff and start hoping for a new relationship that would tell me I wasn't alone and unloveable and worthless. So there was a cycle of needing a relationship and needing to get rid of anyone who got too close.

So I guess I would have to answer I felt relieved when anyone I was in a relationship with broke it off, for a while.

Ted

 

[CreativJ]

It's very possible to not have emotional feelings, it's called being numb!

Becvan I understand what you are saying and on the other hand i think Ironbird may be trying to understand things in his own way. I too am wondering if the numbness is constant in some cases. My friend say that they are numb and then at times has intense emotional feelings, so I guess I want to understand if you can be numb and then have intense emotions, it sometimes creates confusion in a loved one or supporter. Yet I again agree that some people do know that they don't want to be in the relationship for whatever reason and the other person needs to let go. This is the case in any relationship. I know for sure that I have been in a situation when my friend has broken up and then regretted it greatly. It was because of their stress that they were acting out and because at times, me holding them accountable to their actions that they could not deal with or wanted to run from, caused a trigger that then caused a reaction, so I understand where Ironbird may be coming from.

I knew it just wasn't possible ptsd can make someone not have emotional feelings.

Ironbird, right now regardless of what you feel for that person and they may secretly feel with you, I do agree that you should move on. In my understanding of PTSD, I realize that there will be a lot of things, we as supporters may not yet understand and then on the other hand, the stress really is too much for some of them to handle at that given time. Maybe join a support group in your community to figure out a way to cope with your feelings and gain an even better understanding. You may be triggering others in this forum because this causes them stress themselves in something personal that may be going on with them in their personal lives. I'm glad that your probing, because I have the same questions and a somewhat similar issue, except my friends, leaves when it gets too intense and then also says that they are numb and then when they need affection they come back. It is very confusing personally but I am learning that this may very well be part of their PTSD and I have to set boundaries as to how I will allow my heart and spirit to be treated. It is probably very painful and confusing, yet gaining better understanding of how a person reacts to situations may be healing you, and I understand that to. Good luck in your given situation and thank you for your probing.

 

[sea]

I just kind of ignore it.