How Do You Act Like An Adult? Pointers, Experiences & Theories Please!

[ms spock]

I have been thinking for some days now. What is an adult?

How do you act like an adult?

What are the characteristics of an adult?

This is a serious question how do you act like an adult? What are the main pointers?
Do you know? Did someone share that with you?

What is a person? What makes them an adult? What are adult responsibilities? How do you find out what they are? What are the characteristics of an adult in different cultures?

 

[Anna]

Responsibility mainly. When you are a child, someone takes care of you. You have no responsibilities.

As an adult you have to make decisions, pay taxes, get a job, take care of yourself and dependants. Responsibility.

Behaving in a childish manner or being silly, does not count. That is just having fun. Of course there is a time and a place for everything. Being childish and silly during a serious meeting in a no go, as is keeping your mouth shut and caring about other peoples feelings.

Being an adult you have to take responsibilites for yourself and dependants. Be respectful and care about how your actions may hurt or damage others.

Sometimes children can be more responsible than some adults!! Being 18 or 21 is just a number, in the eyes of the law you are an adult. However, if you are not responsible, then in some ways you are still a child, that is why in some countries they have the juvenile law where they access the age of the adult and their responsibility level.

Reponsibility for me is paying the bills, driving safely, caring for your dependants, making sure there is food in the fridge, clothing, clean house, job, windows shut, door locked. Family Planning!! I think the list maybe endless!!

Western culture, kids tend to grow up later. In Africa, kids are given more responsibilities at a younger age such as gathering food and water.

 

[Helliepig]

I guess it's about coming at something uncluttered with emotions from childhood that make you want to play games, get attention, be defensive. It's about being assertive and facing up to things. It's about deferring gratification until you've done your chores, keeping a budget rather than buying things on a childish " I want it" whim. Thinking of others. Being what children need in order to help them mature and grow. It's also about letting go of the deep beliefs of childhood - being rescued, being good, trying harder - to avoid your pain, and to learn to face life head on.

My T has been trained in transactional analysis that talks about the parent, adult and child, and often helps me to understand the interaction between those within myself - and also what happens when my child or parent state is interacting with those of someone else. It has really helped me understand what an adult is.

 

[Hashi]

The adult in me says that being an adult means being aware that actions have consequences (good or bad).

The child in me says that being an adult means being able to do what you like, but then they only do boring things.

I think it's really somewhere in the middle. We have more choice, but we also think about consequences. I think to act like a healthy adult means thinking ahead, taking other people's feelings into account and doing things to take care of ourselves.

 

[freakofnurture]

I don't know exactly what an adult is, but I know what I find childish in adults.

So, according to me, to be an adult you need to abstain from...

• Being petty and vengeful when dealing with interpersonal conflicts because you can't distance yourself from your own wants and emotions.
• Refusing to employ diplomacy because 's/he is rude, too!'
• Mixing emotions into merely practical problems.
• Being unable or unwilling to consciously work on your own personal growth.
• Taking yourself too seriously.
• Not being self-sufficient and self-governed.
• ... I've forgotten something... hm...

Writing this I came to the conclusion that to me, a child is defined by its inability to step outside/critically evaluate its own momentary feelings and thoughts, as well as by lacking the maturity and knowledge to make important decisions for itself.

So, being an adult is - in my view - not defined by what you must or mustn't do, but by how you manage your experiences and decisions.

 

[anthony]

Too many questions IMO...

• What is an adult?
• How do you act like an adult?
• What are the characteristics of an adult?
• What are the main pointers?
• Do you know?
• Did someone share that with you?
• What is a person?
• What makes them an adult?
• What are adult responsibilities?
• How do you find out what they are?
• What are the characteristics of an adult in different cultures?

By law in most countries, an adult is anyone over the age of 18 years of age. That varies in some instances.

Quite honestly, I think this borders to much with maturity vs. being an adult.

There is nothing wrong with being child like at times during adulthood.

Maturity, responsibility... yet you could still be an actual child. Life experience...

Far too many questions to really be definitive.

 

[ms spock]

Okay Anthony,

That is helpful feedback. I needed to have pinpointed more of what it is that I actually want to know. As you can see by having too many questions I am not able to be precise about the information that I was requiring. I will try not to do this again but to think about it a bit more.

So, according to me, to be an adult you need to abstain from...

• Not being self-sufficient and self-governed.

Writing this I came to the conclusion that to me, a child is defined by its inability to step outside/critically evaluate its own momentary feelings and thoughts, as well as by lacking the maturity and knowledge to make important decisions for itself.

...how you manage your experiences and decisions.

Yes how do people self govern and be self sufficient? That question interests me greatly.

It's also about letting go of the deep beliefs of childhood - being rescued, being good, trying harder - to avoid your pain, and to learn to face life head on.

Yes because you will not die now.

I am really stuck on being rescued, trying harder and being good enough so some one will love me.

what happens when my child or parent state is interacting with those of someone else. It has really helped me understand what an adult is.

That is interesting.

 

[Abrasky]

I guess I am being an adult when I am not fighting over who will eat the healthy choice meal with the celery with my husband.

 

[freakofnurture]

Yes how do people self govern and be self sufficient?

To self-govern you need to be able to identify, distinguish and critically evaluate the various internal and external factors that influence your feelings and thoughts - because it's your feelings and thoughts that produce your decisions. Emotional and social factors are the most important here, meaning that you need to reflect on questions like "Why does this scare me?", "Why do I want it?", "What's the essence of my wanting?" and "Whom am I doing this for?", "Are those ideals really my own?", "Which social dogmas are activated within me?".

To be self-sufficient you need to cultivate the feeling that you are able to learn and understand everything you need to and that you are resourceful enough to find a solution (even if it takes some time and multiple attempts). You also need to be able to self-soothe, to entertain yourself and to spend time just having your own thoughts as company. In addition to that, you need to know the limits of your individual self-sufficiency, so that you don't crumble under the feeling of having to do open heart surgery, build a rocket ship and beat world hunger, all from the comfort of your hermitage deep in the Gobi Desert where you live off of sand and morning dew.

I hope those explanations were helpful :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I tend to agree with Anthony on this one.

It seems to be a question of maturity, not just defining "adult".

I disagree with Anna, as those of us unable to work (ie on disability) wouldn't be considered adults!

 

[freakofnurture]

@ScaredOfLonely: 'Society in general' tends to see having a job as vital for you to be taken seriously as an adult. I find that stupid and unhelpful, especially when so many able people just can't find a job. But that's how 'society' thinks, and it's an aspect that deserves some consideration when one wants to explore the possible meanings of the word 'adult' :)

 

[Meadowsweet]

In western society, being an adult is being able to accept responsibility for your own choices, actions or inactions.

But, when a person has experienced trauma and especially psychological abuse, being able to understand where responsibility begins and where it ends is complicated. It can lead to taking too much responsibility - feeling responsible for others actions. And it can lead to taking too little responsibility - being dependent on others.

But, adulthood is also a time of learning and growing into your mature self. Recognising a problem is being responsible, seeking and going to therapy is a responsible action. Learning to understand PTSD and learning how to live and manage those symptoms is part of adult growth.