How Do You Act Like An Adult? Pointers, Experiences & Theories Please!

[freakofnurture]

My initial point was that the age at which a person becomes a legal adult is not reflective of some kind of universally understood maturity.

Psychology is working on it :)

But if you bring individuality into it, you don't really have an argument at all, do you?

Individuality is a bell curve, and you can build an argument on a bell curve.

There was recently a child charged with murder, there's a thread about it somewhere around here.

Yes, I know; it's horrible. And that's why the legal system needs to work towards a 'unified theory of how to be a grown up' fast. The cultural variability can be a threat to humane justice.

It could explain that but you are basing your responses off of self-theorization and guesswork.

I am. Sorry 'bout that.

In my opinion, "adult" is a legal term and maturity and responsibility are what that legal term attempts to measure.

It can be, depending on where it's used :D But otherwise I agree with you on the point you made.

 

[ms spock]

Not easy at all!

:D

I have been thinking about that just doing it and not paying too much attention when I do badly but focus on the next time that I can be more adult like and responsible.

I have a tendency to take way, way, way too much responsibility in other people's lives and not as much care, soothing, organisation and love in my own life.

Ms Spock

.

Meh, this topic is triggering as I fight tooth and nail to move back into functional society but then have it pointed out that I'm still a second class citizen.

I had a huge emotional reaction when someone recently asked me "Why don't I try something different and get a job." I didn't respond at the time but blurted it all out that night, inappropriately. I feel for you. It is the often the first question people ask - "What do you do?" and it makes it really hard in life.

Most conclusive studies on developmental psychology and neurobiology indicate that the brain does not begin to enter the later stages of growth (in which one could be considered a fully rational cognizant human being) until at least 25.

The prefrontal cortex is the area of the brain that is associated with response time, decision making, sequencing, precision and executive functions. Which are all items measured when testing for cognitive capacity. An 18 year old scores much, much, much lower than someone even 23 or 24. It's an entirely irrational system.

The complete jumps in the standard legal age for adulthood over the last, even a hundred years, definitely support my statement. I have no doubt that as we learn more about the brain, that legal age will end up changing in the future as well.

Yes you can see that change from 18 to 23/4/5 years old. I think it will change as well.

I was more looking at was maturity and roles and responsibilities.

I had so many roles and responsibilities as a child - I was an adult a long time before the age arrived.

A child can be declared legally competent to stand as a witness in trial or even be a defendant, of which there are many documented cases (controversial though they are, because most people tend to say that "anyone under the age of 18 cannot be tried as an adult", because, of course, the Legal Age Of Adulthood). It is up to the individual jurisdiction to decide each and every one of these cases. There was recently a child charged with murder, there's a thread about it somewhere around here.

We studied that in law school. I think it was America, Iran and Iraq and some other country that tried children as adults. I was astounded doing all the readings.

 

[soulofLC]

Spock, I too have the "what do you do" problem. I am wishing to work, but not in a good place, legally and otherwise.

However, I have a new answer, which I think can apply to you. As you are also an artist, you can say you freelance. I have used it, and no one bothers me.

Just thought I would offer that as an alternative. It feels better to say freelance than unemployed. As several have said, work defines us culturally to such a degree that it is unhealthy. It is the first thing someone wants to know. It is none of their business, really!

 

[heidi]

So, being an adult is - in my view - not defined by what you must or mustn't do, but by how you manage your experiences and decisions.

I love this!

 

[Kintsugi]

Your above questions have been on repeat in my head since I graduated. No joke.

I've recently spent a lot of time reading anthropological texts, and many make cultural distinctions between children of a culture and adults. The line that is drawn most certainly has to do with responsibilities/accountability. TAke the bar/bat mitzvah for example. Before you are 12/13 respectively, every sin you commit is reflected and weighed on your parents. When you transcend, all of your sins belong to you. For me, it is the difference between seeing a child screaming in a store (can't those parents DO something about that?) and seeing a grown person flipping out at a store clerk for no discernible reason (what a CHIlD!).

I'd like to add that using this system of verification, my brother is about three years old all the time. :D

 

[ms spock]

As several have said, work defines us culturally to such a degree that it is unhealthy. It is the first thing someone wants to know. It is none of their business, really!

I met some people who didn't do that the other day and it was rather nice. They didn't ask and I didn't ask we talked about other things.

I try never to ask people what they do. I ask them what they have enjoyed lately or some such.

Your above questions have been on repeat in my head since I graduated. No joke.

It does reverberate all around and through us. It we were defined by who we know and what we do - who would we do.

I'd like to add that using this system of verification, my brother is about three years old all the time. :D

You have a magnificent sense of humour! I do rather enjoy it.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

Here is what being an adult is, in a nut shell.

Today it is raining- and I happen to love to go out and splash in rain puddles (because I do not have a dirt bike in this country, and I must do something with the opportunity)- I love it! I am a giant child when it comes to things like this. But, being an adult means that I am going to splash in those rain puddles as much as I like because I can choose to do so, with the understanding that when I am done I must then wash my shoes, my clothes, my floor and myself. Action reaction, cause and effect, choice and accountability meets consequence. I suppose based on that, I have been an adult since I was about 7- yet was not of adult age.

Its is semantics. There is no right or wrong answer. There is the legal age of adulthood, and then there are maturity levels- and that simply can not be defined as to when a person should be mature, because even though they should be mature at 18, most are not. It seems to me like the "gen x" has really broken the mold on this since most of them are in their 30's to mid 30's and I do believe that my 7 year old daughter is more "grown up" than a lot of them. I am just saying. (I am a gen x-er so I can say that as I get ready to go out and do some puddle jumping...)

 

[ms spock]

I was interested to know also what type of adults that you are all and aspire to be at some point of your growth as a human being.

 

[Kintsugi]

I think of who I want to be like constantly, Ms. Spock. The mentors who have helped me through life always dazzled me. I want to emulate them. And I think I've realized that through my interactions with them, I do have pieces of those mentors.

That said, I've recently decided I want to be just like my puppy when I grow up! She is my inspiration. A survivor herself, though she is sometimes scared, these are things my dog knows and I'd like to know in my heart.

-Be excited to be alive--all the time
-Cuddle with someone you love before getting out of bed
-Don't forget to eat breakfast
-When you hear someone crying, sometimes sitting next to them is enough
-Play several times a day
-Set your boundaries when you meet new people (or puppies), and don't give in once you've said and meant no
-Trust people to be generally good
-Trust your gut
-Rumble with the big dogs in life and help out the little ones
-Make friends even when someone is different (Annie is having a love affair with a neighbor's ferret)
-Don't make arguments if you can't make up!
-Sleep hard and often
-Practice new tricks every day
-Don't be afraid to sleep with stuffed animals
-Being short isn't a problem--make the jump!
-Just because people say you're small and cute doesn't mean you can't kick butt when necessary
-Love children unconditionally
-Explore the paths you haven't explored
-Welcome home the ones you love, every time

This is just a short list of who Annie teaches me to be, and I learn more from her every day.

 

[Lionheart]

omg!!!! I am so glad that you asked.:tup: There is a poem of sorts someone wrote, it's a spiritual devotion.. it's what immediately came to mind, so I am gonna post it...

let what I feel fill me but not consume me
let me follow what I feel, but not be forced;
let me become the kind of soul who never clings too hard,
who lets go and yet loves;
let me imagine better worlds yet work in this one;
let me touch and treasure even people I can never hold,
and let me learn from all my losses;
let me out and let me in,
and let me see, and let me be
a window---maybe broken---but through which
a bit of air and sunlight comes.

(Jack Veasey)

That last part about the window being broken, but letting in air and light always chokes me up. Anyways, I am not sure where I got my ideals for the kind of person I wanted to become, but I had lots of negative role models who taught me what I did NOT want to become!!!

Bottom line is that I am a work in progress, but it is the opinion of friends, family and physicians that I am coming along well. hahahaha ...we'll see. lol :)

Ms. Spock, thank you for starting this thread it has really given me a lot to think about.

 

[maddog]

Wow, MissAntiSunshine and LionHeart, there were some amazing sentiments in the list of dog learnings and the poem respectively. They both had me scrabbling for my "quotable quotes" file of life's lessons, inspirational one-liners and affirmations of courage for the times when they are hardest to find.

These were keepers, thank you to you both for sharing them.

Maddog

 

[simplekindofgirl]

I remember quite some time ago, I met a man whose 8 year old son was ill with leukemia. I looked down at this frail little boy and his bald head, I could see the line where he had once had dark eyebrows but now only skin presented itself. I could see the orange tube that went through his nasal passage down into his belly just to provide him with nutrition.

I looked at that tiny little boy, so strong in character and hope- so full of fight, and through my haze of depression and suicidal ideations and I thought- how remarkably selfish I am as a human being, this little boy fights for his life, and I as a grown woman who should know better- actually wishes for death while I am respectably healthy- while a person, a child no less, wishes to live and has no choice but to die.

I admire that little boy. He made me want to know how to be compassionate but without feeling pity, he reminded me of humanity and the needs of all people and not just himself or myself as he was not alone in his treatment or his disease, he made me want to be a part of a system that fixes and improves even if there is great challenge in that process, he made me want to be vulnerable knowing that I might be hurt but allowing myself an opportunity to see something beautiful along the way, he made me want to hope even when hope seemed senseless.

Learning to live or about life- all you have to do is to look at those people who want so much to keep living but cannot.