How Do You Act Like An Adult? Pointers, Experiences & Theories Please!

[freakofnurture]

I was interested to know also what type of adults that you are all and aspire to be at some point of your growth as a human being.

I don't think I can put a label on my adultness. Also, it's only one aspect of who I am. I have 'adult' traits, but also many 'child' traits, that are active in different situations.

I don't set goals for myself, but basically, I want to be okay.

 

[ms spock]

So what attributes would you describe as adult like and what characteristics do you define as child traits?
Of course I realise some can be in both camps.

Spock, I too have the "what do you do" problem. I am wishing to work, but not in a good place, legally and otherwise.

It is the first thing someone wants to know. It is none of their business, really!

It is in capitalism's best interests that we need more and that we have more. I have always suspected the this is my employment thing was about "this is how much I can purchase and buy status."

 

[soulofLC]

Yes, isn't that exactly what your profession says about you? It is not who you really are, it is what you do for a living. Perhaps it reflects your values, but should not define you.

Boy, capitalism runs deep. It also creates desire through advertising. I just try to remember that I don't need stuff; just the basics, please. But yeah, sometimes it is hard to hold even the basics together

I think a civilization should be judged morally by how it takes care of the least of it's members. By that measure, it is failing miserably. And we are some of the better off, hard as that seems to grasp at times.

 

[ms spock]

I think a civilization ... be judged morally by how it takes care of the least of it's members.

We could feed the world with what we throw out as waste. It is appalling.

 

[Eleanor]

My cousin says, "Well, you're only young once, but you can always be immature!":D
Garrison Keillor says that when you are child, other people are responsible for your happiness, but when you grow up your happiness is your own business. That kind of works for me.

In response to the "what do you do?" question, Eyes wide and wondering, "Do?... Do?..... Do about what?"

"I find paid employment to be so demeaning. Don't you?" Or "Why is it you are asking me that question - its so uninteresting. Why don't you ask me who my parents and grandparents are?" When in doubt - answer a question with a different question more to your liking - or just answer another question entirely.

"What do you do?" answer: "I saw this really interesting movie...."

Incomes are nice, having a job kind of sucks.

 

[ms spock]

Do?...Do...?...Do About What?

That is a corker. Adding it to my repertoire now.

 

[ms spock]

Asking about family. I know it is a norm but I was reading the other day that 1 in 8 Australians are estranged from some part of their family. I felt so much better after reading that. It is not just me!

Given that one needs to be more sensitive about asking about family.

 

[Girl3]

I am reading books on how to be an adult in relationships, mindfulness - to me it means being in control of your thoughts and desires such that no one can force you or trick you into hurting yourself.

Being responsible for one's actions is being an adult in my mind - I am working on it, owning everything I have ever done, good and bad, understanding the whys and the whynots. Seeing what others see but with my own eyes. Deciding how to say things for best use or to not say anything at all.

 

[Gamereign555]

I felt pretty adult like the other day after opting to eat the heel off of a loaf of bread instead and saving the good slices for Amanda to have. The secret is that the heel is the best part. I'm actually pretty childish though. I got nothing.

 

[milbert]

I would say that being a healthy adult means taking responsibility for yourself: your happiness, relationships, finances, life direction.
No one is going to swoop in to save you. No one else is going to take the blame if you screw up. Healthy adults aren't victims or martyrs.
It also means cutting other people some slack. Nobody's perfect. Everyone has bad days, and you never know what someone else might be going through, or why they act the way they do. Be respectful, polite and assertive, and never controlling or demeaning.
Being a healthy adult means holding yourself to a higher standard than you hold anyone else to, and trying your best every day at everything you do, and accepting that things probably still won't always turn out how your hoped. Celebrate when things go well for you, your loved ones, and those you don't get along with.

I don't think acting like an adult has anything to do with whether an adult's interests can be considered "childish".

 

[freakofnurture]

So what attributes would you describe as adult like and what characteristics do you define as child traits?

I'd say, child-like is every trait that needs the ability to follow your (innocent, playful) urges and desires without delay, the ability to react to what is fun and feels good without questioning whether it's useful, rational or age-appropriate. It's child-like to flourish with your fantasy, with silliness and the life of the moment. Curiosity is also a child-like trait, to explore sights, sounds, how things work, the ability to find things cool and exciting, although they're 'every day normal stuff', like soap bubbles, little insects, cloud formations etc. It's child-like to value the current moment above everything else.

Basically, child is that which is one with itself, its thoughts, emotions, ideas and sensory input, and that which seeks those things in order to experience 'being' them.

An adult-like trait is a trait that needs the ability to stop right there and take a moment to critically reflect upon what just happened, what that means, and how to respond with regards to past, present and future situations. It's adult-like to evaluate your own experiences, thoughts and wants as if they were someone else's. Adult-like traits also need the ability to synthesise the experience of others, to generate expectations and predictions based on prior experience, so that you can proceed in a mindful, willfully directed manner. It's adult-like to value other things than the current moment, and to weigh in and prioritise different values at different points in time.

So, adult is that which does distinguish itself from everything else, including thoughts, emotions, wants, needs and sensory input, and that which uses this ability to further independent, non-momentary values.

I hope that makes some sense.

Boy, capitalism runs deep. It also creates desire through advertising. I just try to remember that I don't need stuff; just the basics, please.

Capitalism infantilises us. It's like "Look! Look at this neat thing!! You want it! You want to have it!! It'll feel so good to have it! Go get it!" And the consumer, instead of stopping and evaluating this claim and their emotional reaction to the targeted advertisement, goes with the momentary want.

 

[ms spock]

Capitalism infantilises us. It's like "Look! Look at this neat thing!! You want it! You want to have it!! It'll feel so good to have it! Go get it!" And the consumer, instead of stopping and evaluating this claim and their emotional reaction to the targeted advertisement, goes with the momentary want.

That is also destroying the parts of the planet that we can live on, which is rather a shame.