How do you cry?

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you all for sharing and your views. Sounds like there is a mixture of crying giving relief and also not.

I was just thinking....you said you cry at soppy films etc. Does that help at all? Or is it not the same/does it not really provide relief/release?
I don't know the answer. Because crying at a soppy film makes me feel something. I know that. But just not sure what. And I haven't linked it to relief when I am in the state. And not sure I can handle a soppy film whilst in that state to experiment, because most soppy films I am likely to find something problematic when triggered and turn it off. But I could always try...
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I often can't remember 'what' to be angry about? But I'd just say hurt, and sometimes then if it's only me, what's the point? But sometimes silent ones sneek up on me. Can't say I feel better for it though.
Yeah, I hear that.

It may tie back to what it took to make me cry around my first trauma. Most people will never experience a swollen eye (because of internal bleeding) but it is unbelievably painful. I remember one of the nurses coming in to change dressings and first she asked how my dressing got all wet and then realized why and had to stop for a minute or two. When the painkillers wore off any movement hurt so bad all I could do was lie there and cry.....
So it was all that was left or able to do was cry? (Sorry to ask and ignore if not appropriate to ask, I know this is trauma).

I tthink. One kind does bring great relief yes, I call it clean grief

Other tears are unbearable, they come with terrible pain and they do not bring any relief at all.
Are you able to say what the difference is? In terms of the crying. Is it how much you cry or how you cry?
I had a sob I think a year ago and that felt scary in the moment as I had lost control but also really healing. When a year escapes it doesn't really feel much better. I think.

I don't, i refuse to let those that try to hurt me get the satisfaction of my tears
Yeah, I hear that. I think for me I am learning how to express myself and having not done that growing up, I feel like I need to cry for me. Not for them. They won't see it or know it or even care.

Yeah. It happens when 20 other things are happening and then hey, I am f'n crying on top of all of the other swirling mess. I have
So it's involuntary.


Sometimes I can cry and sometimes not. Like you, the tears will well up but stop at the eyeballs! I have cried so much and so often though and I wonder how much more healing needs to be done?!
I do absolutely know though, for me anyway, that after a big cry, I feel better. Not always immediately after, sometimes a few hours and sometimes not until the next day but I feel like, some of the pressure from the pain has been relieved but, I don;t think crying is the whole package. There is angering and blaming etc too.
If I feel I need to cry, I will put on a movie or music which will facilitate it.
Anyway, I'm not giving advice as you didn't ask for it. This is just my opinion and I hope my thoughts and experiences lead you only to healing.
Happy for advice!!
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
Crying just makes my nose and mouth get blocked up and then I can't breathe properly. I don't really cry much.
 

Friday

Moderator
But sticking with the "how do you cry?" Question. How do you cry? Does it just come out? Do you try and cry? Can you start and stop your crying?
I despise crying. The only thing it does for me is make everything soooooooooo. much. worse. Physically, mentally, emotionally, & lifewise.

Personally, it’s as much of a sign of my being dysregulated as a suicide attempt, or physically assaulting someone for no reason.

Can you start and stop your crying?
Nope. I can try, and do from the first moment onward, but it can go for days. Literally. As in go to sleep crying, wake up still crying with a soaked pillow, be crying all that day, and that night, and the next day, the next night. I think one of the worst times was for a little over a week.

Or? It can last for 8 seconds.

Or start/stop dozens of times in a day, lasting for seconds to minutes to hours.

There is no control.

Up until this most recent trek through the PTSD badlands? Including my first 5+ years with PTSD I’d only cried 7 times in my adult life. I could tick them off on my fingers. So one could argue (and I had a T who did) that it was simply a lack of practice. But? This second time through I had countless times to practice attempting to get it under control… to no avail. I am WILDLY dysregulated if I’m crying.

Question. How do you cry?
Silently. Screaming. Bonelessly, unable to move as if I’m paralyzed. Breaking bones as I pound my hands/arms/body into any available surface, or running my feet to shredded ribbons right on down to the bone. Held perfectly, perfectly still; as even a single twitch or attempt to do anything but remain very -very- still would follow with explosive violence. Thrashing and flailing like a fish. Curled up into a ball, every muscle held tight, biting my knuckles. A lot of different ways. All bad. Not a single good thing about crying. Not for me.
 

Teasel

MyPTSD Pro
Are you able to say what the difference is? In terms of the crying. Is it how much you cry or how you cry?
I had a sob I think a year ago and that felt scary in the moment as I had lost control but also really healing. When a year escapes it doesn't really feel much better. I think.
I'll try, not sure how well I'll do at it.
It's definitely nothing to do with how much I cry it's to do with the quality of feeling behind it I think.

So I can remember sometimes feeling some pretty powerful feelings in relation to my past, feeling sad, grief, hurt but also compassion for what I went through. And there's an element of the feelings being about a story that has closure, it's in the past, and maybe that brings some relief too. But yes, there is caring for me in that feeling. Those tears bring relief.


Some tears, even though not about a past situation that has closure, still bring relief in a get it off your chest kind of way.

Some, just hurt , bring no relief as far as I can tell, my mind's gone blank, I can't describe these at the mo. Will come back if I think of a better way to talk about it.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I cry at the drop of a hat. About things that are moving, things that are sad, and sometimes for no understood reason at all. It's different now than it used to be. It used to be, I had a lot of trouble crying. People found it odd, even therapists. I was more stoic or unfeeling, I guess, in many situations, than they thought I ought be.

A friend said to me that "oh wait till you start crying!" And how she found it healing and it was a big sign for her. So I kind of have that I need to cry and get what she found. Also, E, my partner, finds it odd that I can decide whether I will have feelings or not at times. And I think I am emotionally odd in the sense that I switch off emotions and 'normal' people just have emotions. So I got to try and be normal and part of that is crying?
So, hm...I don't necessarily think crying is healing for everyone. And like someone else here said, some can be cleansing and some, not so much.

I think that it's harder when you decide that you "should" be crying. Took me a long time, but it came when it needed to for me, I think. It's important to work on all the internal conversation around crying - "not supposed to," "quit being a baby," etc... I suspect dealing with that self-talk that came from others would help make it feel more acceptable generally.
 

Renly

MyPTSD Pro
I’m doing EMDR and parts work in therapy. I’ve realized that when I really want to cry, but can’t, there is a “part” of me blocking the emotion, as a protective measure. During trauma, it was not safe to cry, it was not safe to feel, it was just not safe, period. So my parts still “living in the past” continue to protect me by blocking the emotions so I can remain safe. I’m working with these protector parts to thank them for protecting me and reassure them I am safe now. We are working on moving out of the past and into the present. My sadness comes in weird bursts at random times lately - somewhat out of the blue. My T calls them “pockets of sadness.”It cannot be forced. The sadness just comes when it comes and I do not always know exactly what I am crying about when it does come. It’s been tough because lately I have wanted to be sad and I’ve wanted to be angry, but 99% of the time, all I can feel is shame. But I’m hoping with more time, things will continue to move and shift. Working on self-compassion. It’s tough.
 
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