How do you cry?

[enough]

It is almost always a surprise when it comes. yes. I can cry, shockingly so.
I temper my feelings about it this way: Lots of men cry when their fight flight response is kicked in but they would rather it hadn't or they wish they could satisfy the adrenaline rush with action. Seen it. When i was young I thought they were weak and that tears was fear or cowardice or weakness. Having gotten my ass kicked by someone that cried the whole time changed my outlook on that.
People cry and it can have lots of reasons, some people don't cry, also lots of reasons. we are humans, pretty much a pain in the ass to diagnose and troubleshoot.

 

[Charbella]

Cry…can’t…won’t. Truly hate when it’s that time of the month and I’m upset because it’s the one time I have no control over it. Doesn’t mean it happens all the time it just threatens to then and therapy mostly.

I have no desire to change that but I can see for you it seems a major milestone. I wonder where that comes from?

My T says he’ll know I’m better when I can just cry and be touched. To which I think “great, so it’s never going to happen?” For me those seem like torture. I’m capable of both but would prefer neither.

 

[arfie]

But I don't think I feel angry when I am feelings in this 'consitpated crying' feeling. But maybe that's because I don't really know how I feel?

i'm loving the term, "constipated crying." it fits my case to a "t".

in my own herstory, i tend to use anger to mask and repress my pain, starting with self-loathing for feeling the pain in the first place.

suck it up.
put on your big girl pants.
don't be such a wimp.
etcetera
etceteri

my own anger frightens me far more than anything else i know, so i repressed the anger, as well. learning how to accept and feel my emotions was/is like peeling an onion. first layer is the permission to feel. it's okay to have human emotions, the good the bad AND the ugly. the intermediate layers vary a great deal until we get to the heart of the hurt buried within its protective shell of anger. the all-natural tears flow more easily with each layer i peel away.

 

[barefoot]

I innately stop myself I think. So it's not even a conscious thing anymore.

Yes, I think these things become automatic when they become so embedded and engrained...I guess it is a habit, which is hard to break (but no doubt breaking it is possible, however hard it seems)

So yes, a release of some sort. Like a thunderstorm breaks the hot humid weather.

Yeah....good metaphor! The storm kind of relieves the pressure/heaviness.

I thought of something....The cat! I need her glued to me....

Ah, your beautiful cat! My wife and I both have Covid at the moment, so the cats have been pretty much avoiding us for the past 10 days (they're quite good nurses when either of us are injured/in pain....not so much if we have germs or viruses or infections, they steer well clear then!) This morning, one of them came up for a cuddle and did a deep 'look into my soul' cat look. I very nearly sobbed in response! Ha! Our furries are so wonderful =^..^=

 

[Movingforward10]

Thank you for all your replies everyone. It's helpful, as always, to hear your views.

it just happens. The tears come.

This is interesting. And this happened when my previous cat died. So it is possible for me! Just the context.

It is almost always a surprise when it comes. yes. I can cry, shockingly so.
I temper my feelings about it this way: Lots of men cry when their fight flight response is kicked in but they would rather it hadn't or they wish they could satisfy the adrenaline rush with action. Seen it. When i was young I thought they were weak and that tears was fear or cowardice or weakness. Having gotten my ass kicked by someone that cried the whole time changed my outlook on that.
People cry and it can have lots of reasons, some people don't cry, also lots of reasons. we are humans, pretty much a pain in the ass to diagnose and troubleshoot.

It's interesting you say it surprises you. I'm trying to think that through. In the sense that I'm blocked with it, but you and others it just comes whether you want it to or not. It's out. Whereas for me, it's like I have to plan it or something. A connection with it has gone off. Short circuited.

I have no desire to change that but I can see for you it seems a major milestone. I wonder where that comes from?

From somewhere similar to what you say below ....:

My T says he’ll know I’m better when I can just cry and be touched. To which I think “great, so it’s never going to happen?” For me those seem like torture. I’m capable of both but would prefer neither.

A friend said to me that "oh wait till you start crying!" And how she found it healing and it was a big sign for her. So I kind of have that I need to cry and get what she found. Also, E, my partner, finds it odd that I can decide whether I will have feelings or not at times. And I think I am emotionally odd in the sense that I switch off emotions and 'normal' people just have emotions. So I got to try and be normal and part of that is crying?

i'm loving the term, "constipated crying." it fits my case to a "t".

I don't think I can take credit for it as I think someone else said that on another thread somewhere?

it's okay to have human emotions, the good the bad AND the ugly. the intermediate layers vary a great deal until we get to the heart of the hurt buried within its protective shell of anger. the all-natural tears flow more easily with each layer i peel away.

I do get angry at the fact the past won't change and I do get angry or upset in thinking about how I was just treated so badly by some people. So maybe I do have a lot of repressed anger that needs to come out?

Ah, your beautiful cat! My wife and I both have Covid at the moment, so the cats have been pretty much avoiding us for the past 10 days (they're quite good nurses when either of us are injured/in pain....not so much if we have germs or viruses or infections, they steer well clear then!) This morning, one of them came up for a cuddle and did a deep 'look into my soul' cat look. I very nearly sobbed in response! Ha! Our furries are so wonderful =^..^=

Sorry you have covid. And sorry the cats are avoiding you/that!

 

[barefoot]

Sorry you have covid. And sorry the cats are avoiding you/that!

Thanks! I'm slowly improving....and think the cat cuddle earlier proved it! I'm clearly becoming more acceptable for the felines to be around!

I was just thinking....you said you cry at soppy films etc. Does that help at all? Or is it not the same/does it not really provide relief/release? I think there have been times when I've felt wretched and wanted a good cry....so I've deliberately sat and watched something I knew would make me sob! So, I'm not crying about my own direct experience necessarily - but I'm still connecting with and tapping into my feelings. Years ago, my go to weepy film was Beaches! It got me every time! I also struggled to hold it together last night watching Dream Horse (we both thought it would be an easy, gentle watch for our Covid addled brains – but I felt really emotional throughout!) Something about horses really moves me!

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, that's right- re: animals, OMG.

I don't feel the anger others have mentioned, but I was taught as a child 'be brave'. So even with my dad esp always on the move (Tours), I would cry in private the next day with the dog (who was also depressed and would put her nose in his shoe or slipper). For pain it was just the 'be brave' thing.

I often can't remember 'what' to be angry about? But I'd just say hurt, and sometimes then if it's only me, what's the point? But sometimes silent ones sneek up on me. Can't say I feel better for it though.

 

[Freddyt]

When my pets are at the end of their life. Only thing I have really cried over in my adult life...

It may tie back to what it took to make me cry around my first trauma. Most people will never experience a swollen eye (because of internal bleeding) but it is unbelievably painful. I remember one of the nurses coming in to change dressings and first she asked how my dressing got all wet and then realized why and had to stop for a minute or two. When the painkillers wore off any movement hurt so bad all I could do was lie there and cry.....

 

[Teasel]

A friend said to me that "oh wait till you start crying!" And how she found it healing and it was a big sign for her. So I kind of have that I need to cry and get what she found.

I cry a good deal, there are different kins of crying though I tthink. One kind does bring great relief yes, I call it clean grief

Other tears are unbearable, they come with terrible pain and they do not bring any relief at all.

 

[Carol nay]

I don't, i refuse to let those that try to hurt me get the satisfaction of my tears

 

[enough]

It's interesting you say it surprises you. I'm trying to think that through. In the sense that I'm blocked with it, but you and others it just comes whether you want it to or not. It's out. Whereas for me, it's like I have to plan it or something. A connection with it has gone off. Short circuited.

Yeah. It happens when 20 other things are happening and then hey, I am f'n crying on top of all of the other swirling mess. I have seen horrible "invasive" injuries, most any and all anatomy catastrophies, no tears. some people I knew. mostly not. Too busy at the time to think beyond step 1 step 2....But sitting in a room in the dark looking at training slides (yep, it was awhile back) for the same types of injuries and all of them are swirling in my head at once and then- wow. A tear, and more. Same thing sitting in an office or on a telehealth and twenty things are welling up and the memories are breaking through and hey- now I'm gonna cry too. And i cried when ol' yeller died, I think we all did, maybe because Tommy Kirk did first so it was OK.

 

[Sundanceisbeautiful]

Sometimes I can cry and sometimes not. Like you, the tears will well up but stop at the eyeballs! I have cried so much and so often though and I wonder how much more healing needs to be done?!
I do absolutely know though, for me anyway, that after a big cry, I feel better. Not always immediately after, sometimes a few hours and sometimes not until the next day but I feel like, some of the pressure from the pain has been relieved but, I don;t think crying is the whole package. There is angering and blaming etc too.
If I feel I need to cry, I will put on a movie or music which will facilitate it.
Anyway, I'm not giving advice as you didn't ask for it. This is just my opinion and I hope my thoughts and experiences lead you only to healing.