How Do You Explain Ptsd To Others?

[hushhush]

New to the forum (see my introduction) and new to knowing that PTSD is this debilitating thing that has been making life difficult for me.

I'm big on discussing things, so I'd like to discuss PTSD with the people in my life.

I have a lot of positive, self-help types in my circle and what I've found is that many of them believe it's something you can think your way out of. Or they say things that imply that it's a choice or that I have more power than I'm letting on. One friend has a hard time allowing me to "be a victim".

That leads to me feeling very judged which can trigger anxiety for me. I also begin to mistrust people which is bad since for me PTSD has isolated me a lot (one reason I'm here on this forum).

That's when I begin into the physiology of it and how the brain reacts to trauma. But I still question if they "get" it. (Yes, I realize some may never get it.)

I try to ask people to imagine a time when they felt their life was threatened and then to imagine that they couldn't escape it. Then imagine that feeling coming and going seemingly at random. Some people don't have a reference or are unable to imagine that.

So how do you explain it?

 

[sun seeker]

So how do you explain it?

Sigh. I don't really try. I try to stay away from judgemental people. I find they affect me too much. Not that positive thinking is bad, mind you, but you can't affirm your way out of PTSD.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Sighs]

Here's an example that works (sometimes) for me:

You know when you have a near miss when you are driving? And a moment later this wave of adrenalin washes over you? And you feel sick, and sweaty and your heart races? Because your body is physically reacting to the fact that for a split second there you thought you were going to die? Even before your mind could realise that was what happened? Imagine feeling like that pretty much all the time because your brain and your body got stuck in that moment.

 

[blackemerald1]

I never tell. Cowardly I know. But even then people notice I am different but put it down to me just being crazy. So I put up with that because I don't know anyone apart from this forum that disclose they have PTSD. Hope you have better luck.

 

[Panda Bear]

I don't tell either. My spouse knows(obviously) and a few friends whom I've allowed close enough.

But I'm a coward, it doesn't seem like everyday conversation. Pretty sure most people know something is wrong with me, after they're around me enough. Like I don't go out at night certain times of the year....

 

[Friday]

Short & Sweet? Special Handling Required ;)

***

Longer...

<grin> What @Sighs said. Exactly that.

Physiological responses are a sonnuvabitch. Retraining my brain so that it's natural response doesn't happen? f*ck me. In some ways it can sound like thinking your way out of it. It's not. Retraining the way your brain actually works? Holy daunting tasks, batman.

I also equate it to the stomach flu an awful lot; symptoms come on -often out of nowhere- although they can build up slow too / feel yourself coming down with something. Then they hit you, you cope. How you cope changes depending on how sick you are. Some days you drag yourself into work feeling blargh. Other days, you can't even think about standing up, much less getting to the phone to call in sick, cause you're wrapped around the toilet bowl puking into your hair and you don't even notice much less care, while resting your face on the blessed, blessed cool porcelain. What? Work? Right. Need to call omg!... <some unknown elapsed time later> What was I just thinking about again? Unnnngh.

I like using parallels that people have actually experienced themselves. It may look on the outside like I DGAF, when in reality I care very deeply, I'm just extremely busy puking at the moment, and all of my attention is diverted to that. Or it may look like I'm avoiding someone or snubbing them by being late, when all I really need to do is pull over to the side of the road & calm down, before I'm safe to drive again.

People tend to grok stuff they've done themselves as being "real" / things tend to click. It helps avoid the defense mechanism of "They slipped because they were being careless, but I clearly slipped because of ice." Points out the totally normal reaction to exceptional circumstance / cause&effect...Or the other one; Crazy person :eek: vs "Just walked through a spider web!" :wtf: Bizarre behavior explained.

 

[desiderata310]

GENERALLY? I don't explain.
When in a situation where I want to explain? I go all scientific on their ass. Pull out the shit about the amygdala and hippocampus being shrunk and shit misfiring. To those I trust.heh. That's a super short list.
there are plenty who already have SOME familiarity with it thanks to 60 seconds and other news story shows so they already have some... sympathy but no real understanding. The sciency shit helps explain it in a way that makes it seem more... acceptable as a medical condition and less "she's a nut job"

Or maybe that's just what helps me sleep at night...
nah.. it's just what helps me sleep at night.

 

[hodge]

I've tried to explain it to a very few select friends. Most of them know about some of the things I've been through, so that helps. It also helps that I was friends with them long before the PTSD hit - like decades--and they could tell something was wrong by how I changed. So I felt I owed it to them and myself to try to explain why I changed. I just described the basic symptoms and told them I was in therapy and getting meds. I'm so lucky in that none of them abandoned me. I think I've had good judgment in choosing my friends:-). They are exceptional people.

 

[Ironlady]

The more I try to explain the more lonely I feel and the more regected I feel. I'm not always afraid to go there but I know when I do there isn't much anyone is going to understand unless they have been through it themselves. I usually get irritated because I get the think positive and pray your way out of responses too. I feel myself bristling every time that's brought up. At one point I truly tried that wholeheartedly and tried to make myself believe that I could get past this. Tried so hard! (Before I really knew I had the c-ptsd) there is some positive that was gained in between the attacks but then it created more anxiety and panic because people became to expect the positive out of me and I developed a false self that finally crumbled big time under the pressure I was putting on myself. My husband is supportive but even he doesn't really get it. He wants to "fix me." I'm just now getting him to understand that while I can make improvements over time and may do well for awhile there's always going to be that trigger or flashback right around the corner and there may be periods of time when I'm not ok whatsoever. There's no fixing this and now I pretty much just let people know. Look this is who I am this is what I deal with everyday and every night and a part of who I am if you want to be in my life it's a part of the package. If not then that's ok but walk on, don't try to fix me. Or give me any reason to feel worse than I already do. Trust me I wish I could turn it off. I would in a second if I could.

 

[Socha]

I'm like most of the others here. I usually don't tell people. Let alone discussion.

It takes years for me to trust someone enough to tell them bits and pieces about my trauma or symptoms. I have only one friend who I feel comfortable enough with to talk about it. I have another friend who knows some things but she will (hopefully) never be able to understand what it's like and when my symptoms get worse, we usually have very little contact. I was very disappointed that she wasn't there when I needed her the most until I realized that it's not because she doesn't like or care about me but because she doesn't know what to say or do and that she's scared to say or do something that adds more stress because that has happened before when she told me to let go of the past and things like that.

The majority of people who didn't have a traumatic experience will never be able to fully understand what we deal with so they try to apply what makes them feel better when they feel sad or have some kind of a crisis in their life. To recognize that a traumatic experience can't be compared to lets say a break up or other unpleasent situations most people go through at some point or another, takes a lot of compassion and empathy that very few people have without having lived through something similar traumatizing.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I started out by only telling a few people- my husband and close family and friends. Then, it got more complicated because it wasn't just single-trauma PTSD, which is what everyone thought, including me to begin with. I didn't want to share the information with anyone. I shared first with my husband and best friend. Then, I found out that I have dissociative identity disorder. A very small number of people (outside this forum) know that fact. When my mom started asking question about why I was still in therapy, I tried to explain more about PTSD. She didn't really believe me. I never talked directly to my dad because I figured my mom would. I did talk to my dad a little bit when I was considering whether to take a year long leave of absence from my teaching position. He (to my surprise) encouraged me to choose to take the leave of absence. Then, I went away for 3 months this summer to a treatment facility. My mom (and to a lesser extent my dad) kept telling me on the phone "think of what you are missing by being away (implicating my husband and 2 kids)" or "I think they (therapists) just put these thoughts in your head" or "Just stop being anxious and you'll be okay". Right, because I hadn't thought of those things.

To make a long story shorter, a lot of people in my life know about my PTSD. However, instead of trying to explain it to them, I wait for an opportunity to teach them how to help me. It doesn't always work, but explaining things didn't help, it made people uncomfortable (and I hate that, but it's a fact). So one day this fall when I was quite in a rough spot and was in charge of picking up my boys and taking care of them in the evening, I called my mom. I said "I know you don't understand, but I am having a really bad day and I need some help." And my mom came and she told me that I was right, she didn't understand, but she did understand I had bad days and was always willing to help. It's made a huge difference. And when I needed support recently with getting through anxiety, I chose a compassionate member of the choir I was in to come with me and help me work through some exercises to lower the anxiety- she actually thanked me for allowing her to be with me. Not everyone accepts explanations of PTSD very well, but I have gained more support through letting people into "my world". I wouldn't do that with everyone in my life because they wouldn't understand or be able to support me. I used to want to "tell the world" because I felt like people needed to know, to understand, to get it, but more and more I see that even if people can intellectually say, 'yes, I understand you have PTSD', that won't necessarily change their thinking on the best ways to help. I don't know if this makes any sense, but I hope something it this helps you.

 

[Lucycat]

You can download a leaflet
This is from the Royal College of Psychiatrists in the UK and can be printed out to hand to someone to read at their leisure. There is a more detailed leaflet from the same source if they wish more information.
I find it easier than trying to explain, and saves sharing the personal trauma that caused it.