How Do You Feel About Your Self?

[lostforgottensoul]

What a loaded question!

I am sort of with Friday on this on, it all depends on my mood.

A year ago I was what the cult said I am. Today I am learning to find new things about me that is just mine and not of the cult. So today I am partially what the cult said and partially blank/unknown and partially new things. Days differ and I lean different ways depending but to change the flat out "NO I'M THIS!" is big.

I am always confused no matter what, I stay confused and I am absolutly totally f*cked up! I guess knowing that I am just a tiny bit less every day is doing well.

ETA: I heard Dr Phil say being confused is good as it says that "we have an in". A foot in the door. So thats not bad!

 

[Chiqui]

I haven't sleep enough, so I feel funny in the bad way. A bit stupid, I feel I have been careless about protecting my self from some particular one's opinions. So fragil! It shouldn't be. I learn the lessons and I can move on!!

 

[Fadeaway]

Right now? At this current moment, I I know that I shouldn't put much stock in my current feelings, although I feel pretty proorly about myself right now, I know that under different circumstances I would feel much different. I am currently letting other people get to me too much but my stress levels are high so my emotional resiliency is low.

Basically, while my negative feelings toward myself are pretty high right now, I have been through this cycles enough to disregard how I feel about myself right now and not try to analyze what it is.

 

[rational]

My PTSD started in childhood and now I'm 61. I used to be so angry, with 360° threat radar at all times. Hypersensitive, baffled by others, screwed-up relationships, extreme substance abuse, adrenaline junkie always pushing the envelope, exaggerated startle response, etc. Always at odds with myself, unsure about true identity, poor self-image. But like many of us, I masked my PTSD by acting as if I could handle anything. That charade led to serious substance abuse and extreme risk-taking behavior.

Now that I'm older, I feel far better about myself. How did I get to this point? A lot of therapy, meditation, volunteering to help others less fortunate, learning moderation in all things, learning to accept myself fully and not care what others think of me, rejecting the victim role and advocating for myself instead of relying on others. It's been a long, difficult journey but well-worth the effort. My PTSD symptoms still come up at times, but not nearly as strongly. There is hope, change and relief, but not necessarily when we expect it. Don't ever give up!

 

[Llith]

Changes depending on my mood, which cycles pretty rapidly. Main ones are:

- accepting it and feeling strong
- accepting it and feeling pathetic
- denying it and feeling fine
- denying it and self destructing
- accepting it and self destructing

Though I can be at different stages of acceptance and denial on different trauma, so that complectes it slightly.

 

[Cannottakethis]

I almost don't know how to answer this. I used to feel great about myself when I wasn't dealing with all of my issues and keeping them stuffed back in my brain on lock down. I still took meds for bipolar and as long as I could maintain a balance I did great....if you think working 60+ hours a week and maniacal dating/unstable relationships are great....but I felt great.

Once I started feeling my true feelings, memories, flashbacks nightmares emotions I couldn't ignore... it all went downhill.

Now, I have good days and bad days. More meds, different meds, dbt instead of cbt therapy but at least I feel like I'm making real progress.