Sounds to me like someone wasn't prepared for therapy yesterday,
Actually, I think he's going somewhere with this. I'm just not sure "where" yet.
He mentioned a recent client..... Before anyone gets going on confidentiality, I don't actually know this "client" is a real person. Might be, might not be. It seems like a relatively good way for him to engage me in conversation is to talk about someone else. And, I fairly often can see the "problem" faster when we're talking about someone else. And then there will be a moment when a light comes on and I go "OH! He was saying I do that and maybe it would be better if I didn't!" (This happens a lot. LOL) So, we agreed a long time ago that "a story told to illustrate a point isn't a lie, it's a parable, and that's ok". He may or may not be talking about real people when he does this. If it happens to be a real person, I have no idea who they are and really don't care. Now and then, I'll say something he likes and he'll ask if he can use that line. I always say he can. Maybe he does that a lot. Anyway, he's pretty careful to not give any identifying information and this technique happens to work pretty well.)
Anyway, he mentioned an older woman who's been coming to see him. Her kids want to put her in a nursing home & she doesn't want (or need) to go. He asked HER how she knew what a problem was. She said she wasn't very good at identifying problems. She prefers to avoid them because, if she notices that they exist, it makes her feel bad and she'd rather not feel bad. (See why I think he's got a plan?) He said there was a certain logic to that approach..... I agreed, but pointed out that it also seems to assume that none of those as yet to be identified problems can actually be solved. And maybe they could be. He mentioned that there are kind of two sorts of problems. One he called "situational problems". That would be like the car has a flat tire and you need to get to work, or what to have for supper. (I mentioned that, as long as there was food in the house, what to have for supper wasn't a real problem He says for some people it is. LOL) Then there are what he called "process problems". That would be like you've been anxious all week and maybe would benefit from figuring out the cause and what to do about it.
Once you've identified a problem, we agreed there are kind of three things you can do with that. Change things, accept them as they are, or walk away from the situation. That totally makes sense to me, but if anyone has any other ideas, I'd love to hear them.
So, yeah, I suppose you notice you might have a problem when things aren't going the way you'd like or expect. From there, this surprise could be good or bad, right? And if the unexpected turn of events actually seems like an improvement, not a problem. Beyond that, personally, there are things that strike me as a problem, but they aren't REALLY a problem. Or, at least, they aren't a problem on same the level as the reaction they are producing. Some of those, I DO need to stop and find a good way to decide if they're really a problem or not. I don't know if that makes sense? An example. A client of mine asked me to do a demonstration for some kids she was working with. Her mother kept sneaking up on me and touching my arm to get my attention. As it happens, her mother, superficially, reminds me of MY mother (not a good thing!). She's a small woman who, superficially, appears timid and tends to move in a sneaky way. (My mother wasn't actually timid, that was an act.) Anyway, by the end of the event, I was jumping out of my skin every time I heard a sound or saw a movement. I related this to my T. His comment? "You might want to find a better way of thinking about that." :hilarious::hilarious::hilarious: (I have a weird sense of humor myself. That really WAS funny, delivered in a total dead pan. He went on to talk about triggers, etc, and it was a very worthwhile conversation.) Anyway, I THOUGHT the problem was this sneaky, potentially dangerous little old lady when, in fact, the problem was ME, seeing "problems" that weren't really there, they were shadows of things long past.
I'm appreciating all these ideas! One thing that came up yesterday was that I actually LIKE solving problems. So, maybe, it would be helpful to remember that when something it freaking me out and look at it as "an opportunity to come up with a solution" rather than as the end of the world. Unless it actually IS the end of the world.
