How Do You Know When/if You Need Inpatient?

[TimidZiggy]

The past three days have been like a nightmare for me. I stopped taking the stuff they gave me to help me sleep because it causes nightmares. Literally one of the side effects listed is nightmares. I had a week of intense nightmares but I was getting more sleep than usual, not a ton more but more, but I can't keep having nightmares every night especially not about my father so I stopped taking them and my dreams went more or less back to normal, or at least haven't been intensely frightening. However it means less sleep. On friday I was in a huge level of brain fog, I also tossed and turned and in the morning I had to work. I worked for four hours and at work I was just messed up. There was this feeling of walking around in a dreamland the entire time I was there. I ignored it and distracted myself, some how got through the entire day without messing up or being obviously weird to anyone. I got home, barely got any sleep the next night. Last night I tossed and turned all night and this morning I'm just a big ball of nerves I can't do this any more. However I need this job, my insurance would put me in the WORST HOSPITAL IMAGINABLE (seriously the last time I did inpatient on this insurance I was sexually assaulted at the hospital they put me in then they blamed ME for being assaulted saying that I was trying to have sex and I just got "caught" and I was crying rape so I wouldn't be in trouble) which makes me NEVER want to do inpatient again. I don't feel unsafe I really don't want to die I'm not suicidal but I am terrified of like EVERYTHING. I don't WANT to leave my room (even though I do) I don't want to go out (even though I do). Basically anything I do right now there is a massive level of force behind it. FORCING myself to be normal. FORCING myself to ignore my anxiety. FORCING myself to pretend nothing's wrong and I must be doing a good job of it cause my roommate didn't even notice that I have been this anxious and paralyzed with fear.

I refuse to take that stuff to help me sleep now because it really REALLY messes with my dreams. I am barely eating I am having terrible stomach problems too. Also keep in mind I have several physical problems that prevent me from sleep it's not pure anxiety. I have dental issues, stomach issues, and chronic pain issues that cause interrupted sleep regardless of how low or high my anxiety level is. I am on a waiting list to get counseling (CBT) but it could be literal MONTHS before I see someone. I have a regular therapist I see but that's not helping, I can't get in touch with my caseworker it seems to be a situation of telephone tag. I have an appointment with my dentist tomorrow but it's just an assessment to see about implants and even when I start that process it'll be 4-6 weeks before I can actually have my teeth implanted cause you have to wait for the first implants to heal before they can put the teeth in.

I'm sick and tired of feeling this way, living this way, I'm terrified ALL the time. I don't want to die, I want this to stop. There seems to be no way to stop it though. I told everyone that if I got all my bottom teeth removed I would lose my mind and I have started to lose my mind. My teeth aren't ever coming back and I am also terrified that NOTHING will ever fix this. The implants aren't going to feel like real teeth anyway and it's just going to be AWFUL for the rest of my life. I'm still convinced that there must be a way to fix this but no one wants to help me and I'm not being told HOW. I don't want to die, I don't want to give up, I don't know what to do otherwise though. Should I try to get into inpatient treatment or is there another way to do this that I haven't thought of yet?

 

[Biz]

@TimidZiggy , I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It sounds like you have a lot of stressors going on and I'm sure not sleeping enough is magnifying things.

I think you'd know best what you need or what else you may try based on the resources in your area, what's worked in the past, what you haven't tried yet. Perhaps you could try one or two self care activities a week and see if any are sticking/helpful. It might help, if you're weighing out inpatient to make a list of your priorities/needs (like the health insurance, income from work) and the pros and cons. Not just because seeing things written is helpful but also because, for me, when I'm not sleeping, I cannot fully process or distinguish the details of things. I get stuck obsessing on one or two points or just totally disoriented and overwhelmed, and I often will write what's going on to help me keep track.

I hope it turns out however it needs to for you.

 

[Friday]

Now is not forever. A lot of the problems you listed... Not only have solutions, but you're actively working on the solutions, and you also have a timeframe for them to complete! That really, really, Isn't nothing will ever fix this. This is, I have to wait a few weeks for this, and a few months for that.

That completely reframes the question. It becomes a question of how to handle waiting, instead of how to deal with something relatively permanent, or help looking for solutions you can't see, or work arounds because while there are solutions you have other problems preventing that from happening.

there must be a way to fix this but no one wants to help me and I'm not being told HOW.

It sounds as if, to the contrary, you have many people helping &/or attempting to help you; Your therapist, your case worker, your dentist, & your insurance company. These are 4 huge resources in your life... At least a few of them are giving you instruction, as you're following that instruction & have timelines laid out for completion. In addition to those 4, I know at least of 2 others; the 2nd therapist you'll be seeing within the year it sound like, possibly as soon as just a couple months... And here. In addition to those 6? If you stop & think about it, you may well have several other people/ organizations not listed above, but even if not? <grin> That's a huge and awesome list of 6 very real resources in your life, of people helping you.

I think most of us get into the "Fix Me" mood/headspace from time to time... Or it's kissing cousin with a temper problem "Fix Me NOW" mood/headspace. That happens. The wanting it now, done now, and if it isn't? Then clearly nothing is being done. But that's usually not true. And especially not true in your case where both you & your team of professionals are actively working on several ongoing solutions. Taking time to work, doesn't mean that there is no work being done, and no one is working.

***

Ctd. below

 

[Friday]

As far as when to seek inpatient treatment & what to do if the obvious choice in untenable?

No idea on the first... I can look back at my life and realize "Oh shit. I prolly should have sought inpatient (or whatever level of care) then, shouldn't I? Whoops. Oh well. Bit moot now, as everything is sorted or getting there." ...But I don't know what that looks like moving forward / at what point to seek full-time or part-time care in order to prevent massive tailspin.

Second piece I can help with :D... As I've had to do it myself, & helped a lot of other people, work with (or around) their insurance, or figure out how to deal with no-insurance when XYZ is impossibly expensive.

1 word : Research.

Start with your insurance company since you have them to begin with. If the local option is terrible? Don't look local. Throw your search nationwide to see where else they cover! The cost of a round trip plane ticket is far less than paying out of pocket for a better local option, and often far less than meeting deductibles and copays for out of network option. (Case in point, I fly to New York -from the west coast- for eye exams, and saved last time over $700 by doing so, including airfare & hotel costs!) For 24/7 inpatient care? It doesn't really matter if the hospital is a block away from where you live, or 3,000 miles away, because you won't be commuting back and forth between your home & the hospital. 1 round trip ticket is all that's needed. ((For partial-hospitalization, that changes things. In addition to whatever your insurance company will pay for the out of network program you like near your home? You may well need to look into medical grants, charity programs, FlexPay w/work, medical lines of credit, etc.)) But whether it's full day or partial, the beginning is research.

- Find programs you like. Both in & out of network.
- Look into funding options.
- Look into program requirements (like doctors referrals, application process,average wait listing, what % is due up front, etc.)
- Look into insurance requirements
- etc,

Research gives you power. The ability to set things up in advance, before you need them, so you aren't caught flat footed in an emergency having to beggars-can't-be-choosers take whatever first option is available & hope for the best.

 

[TimidZiggy]

1. Dentists don't want to HELP me they want to charge me money I don't have to fix my teeth. Case in point the surgery I need that is the BEST option will cost me 20 thousand dollars. That's not helping anyone that's highway robbery. How is that anyone willing to HELP me? 20 thousand dollars is UTTERLY ridiculous to ask for functioning teeth so I can eat. And yeah I've tried dentures, trust me, I've tried. The problems they cause are horrendous, tension headaches being number one. I literally NEED better stability on these dentures or I won't/can't wear them without being in a ton of pain all the time.

2. My therapist doesn't do CBT. She also referred me to two places but they don't take my insurance. I called my insurance company but literally ALLLLLLLLL of the places they referred me to, 6-8 months just for an assesment it's not JUST that easy.

3. My insurance is based out of my state, looking at a hospital in california isn't going to be covered. EVER. Even if it was I'm very poor I can't even afford a plane ticket to another state. That's not something I can do. Who's going to pay for that? Certainly not me and there's no way OHIO MEDICAID will cover another state. Where did you get that idea?

4. I'm trying every day to set up appointments with doctors but they are all set MONTHS in advance. For instance I've been trying to set up a sleep study since July guess when the appointment is set? JANUARY 2016. No offense but I'm wondering why you think all of this is so easy or anyone is actually trying to help?

This isn't me just sitting on my ass waiting for people to come help me. I call places every day. I call my case worker. I call my therapist. I call my psychiatrist. I call doctors and pharmacies and counseling centers. I have applied for dental grants and loans and credit cards to cover my surgeries. I HAVE DONE LITERALLY EVERYTHING I CAN DO this isn't ONLY me. In fact if anything I'm the ONLY one interested in me. Other places are over crowded and make me wait. When you have government insurance you do not get fun/easy/quick options like EVERYONE else.

 

[Friday]

When you have government insurance you do not get fun/easy/quick options like EVERYONE else.

He said to the homeless chick with no insurance.

Man, half the options I put up there require no insurance period, and it's hardly a complete list. I am also not a mind reader. There is no earthly way for me to know that you have in-state only Medicaid, and yet, in addition to a few insurance work-arounds you may not have thought of, I also gave you a starting off place of not just 1 but almost half a dozen no-insurance or under-insurance out there.

why you think all of this is so easy or anyone is actually trying to help?

I never said shit was easy. PTSD isn't easy. Life isn't easy. You asked for ideas. What you do with those ideas? Shoot them down, use them, discard the, brainstorm off them? That's on you. But I'm not going to argue with you about them. Take what you like, discard the rest. Got questions on details different avenues? I'll kick around ideas all day. But defending why/how I would even come up with them? Not useful to either of us/ there's no reason for me to. Same token, you wanna look at the resources in your life as resources, or disqualify everything positive? Also not something I'm gonna try and convince you otherwise. I'll point it out, cause you might not see it, but what you do with them after that? Has nothing to do with me.

 

[joeylittle]

I refuse to take that stuff to help me sleep now because it really REALLY messes with my dreams.

I'm just gonna pick up on this one. I understand this - I was given a med for sleep that had a side effect of vivid dreams. If you just focus on fixing this one issue - can you go back to the prescriber and ask for an alternative? There are alternatives.

 

[TimidZiggy]

@FridayJones I'm a female for one so if you just called me "he" that was rude for two I've been homeless myself I'm just lucky I had a friend who was willing to take me in. Third I'm unsure how the hell I would afford an out of state inpatient clinic if it doesn't require insurance then it's going to require out of pocket money they don't just let you in for free you know that right? Like what exactly do you think doesn't cost money that you suggested? Seriously I fail to understand how flying to another state and going to a hospital there would cost me no money and not require insurance. I looked at an inpatient center here and it was like hundreds of dollars a day and they check that you can afford it BEFORE you go in. Really would like to know what states you are living in that let you into a nice inpatient facilities for free.