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How Do You Know When You Dissociate?

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jesse

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I looked through some of the threads and maybe this has already been posted somewhere so forgive me if I am being redundant. How do you know when you are dissociating? A few years ago I was seeing my nurse practitioner (psychiatrist shortage where I lived) for meds and we were talking and then I looked up and she said "where did you go just now?" I had no idea, I guess I just blanked out but couldn't recall anything I was thinking. Now I wonder how often I do this and don't even realize it. I just started with a new T and hope that he will pick up on it if I do. So sometimes I'm at work and people will be talking to me and I don't even realize it, they'll say "Hello" and wave their hand in front of me and then I snap out of it. Is that dissociating? Not really sure....any suggestions?
Jesse
 
Here are two articles that might be useful to you: [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/content/307-Dissociation-Explained"]Dissociation Explained[/DLMURL] and [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/content/295-What-Is-Dissociation"]What is Dissociation[/DLMURL]

It's a phenomena that can be different for each person. I've heard it describe so many ways--going away, disappearing, freezing, flying away, floating, spacing out, checking out, turning inside out, turning off, detaching. I find that I have several different 'types' that I experience, depending on how threatened, scared, or emotionally overwhelmed I am.

My therapist had me spend a long time just keeping an eye out for it, noticing when I'm gone: "Hey, I've dissociated," I tell myself. I spent a while hating that I did it, being embarrassed that it happened, and wanting it to completely stop. Now I don't try to stop it, unless I am in therapy or in the safety of my home, because my therapist and I both see it as an important protective defense.

The biggest antidote to dissociation is mindfulness, which means simply being aware of what's going on in your head and gently bringing your attention back to the present moment. Noticing it is a huge part of accepting it and making it less necessary for you.

Link Removed
 
There's a really good pamphlet available online called "what is dissociation" put out by a group called Caritas (just google both) that does a good systematic and simple job of explaining it. I actually used the pamphlet to explain my symptoms to a few friends. This is a symptom I have WAY too much experience with! But, fortunately, much less as time goes on.

kers description is quite accurate. It can feel like floating away, detaching, or more extreme - flicking the switch and no longer being present (and sometimes later "losing that time" and not knowing what happened). For me in the extreme I can't talk, or move. In more subtle versions, I'll start feeling distanced, I may be able to talk but it will be slower, more deliberate and harder for me. I may be easily confused or disoriented or have trouble making decisions (like whether to cross a street - very simple ones). I often stare at the ground when this is happening or have trouble making eye contact.

I've found grounding techniques help (feeling different parts of my body and identifying sensations), changing my physical stance if I can (ie stand up, sit down), turning on lights, taking off a sweater so I'm cold (or vice versa), drinking water, or tasting something strong. It's important to be kind to yourself (this took me a long time to learn). Now I treat myself as a kind parent would - and try to talk myself through it - it feels like you're going away, did something upset you? was it maybe when X said X? Did that remind you of something? It's okay to find that upsetting. But you're somewhere safe right now. Let's take a few moments and come back.

In the more extreme, I'd need to take meds and then sleep. Dissociating does really tire me out (the more severe form, which I don't get anymore would potentially have me in bed for several days). I also used to dissociate in therapy every single time. My shrink was very patient, and we spent a lot of time exploring what it felt like physically. It also used to affect my sight, hearing and sense of temperature.As I'd go in and out lights would get brighter or dimmer, background sounds (like a fan) louder and soften, all of a sudden I'd be very cold.

Also just to note dissociation is on a spectrum- with daydreaming on the mild end. Spacing out for a few moments when tired, or thinking about something else is normal, it's linked, but at the normal end of the spectrum. I had one therapist who always asked me where I went, but I never had any idea and that wasn't a productive strategy. I was just "gone" - the approach my shrink used was, to me, more helpful as I wasn't retreating anywhere in particular, I was just spooked my something and then gone.

Finally, it is really important to get treated for this. My first attempt didn't work out (the guy kept trying to get me to say what I was thinking, but I couldn't talk, and wasn't thinking anything I could identify), and I actually got worse - I started dissociating in more and more and more situations. This starts to get dangerous, and your brain starts to use it as a short cut to avoid everything. All of a sudden even things that were very midly stressful would cause me to dissociate, and I was dissociating every day, several times a day. Actually getting better, means dissociating less, and less profoundly and having fewer triggers, and trying to wean your brain off of this "escape mechanism." Of course, this means feeling things you might not want to, which can be awful, but in my experience - way way better than feeling absent half the time.

I'm not sure if this will help - it sounds like you have fleeting, relatively light dissociation. But it might be just something to keep your eye on. Be gentle with yourself, but try to pull yourself back if you can (or ask for help with teachniques to do this) and maybe there's a friend you know well who you could ask to tell you when they see this happening, so you can get a sense of how frequent it is.

Take care, and best of luck.
 
Now I treat myself as a kind parent would - and try to talk myself through it - it feels like you're going away, did something upset you? was it maybe when X said X? Did that remind you of something? It's okay to find that upsetting. But you're somewhere safe right now. Let's take a few moments and come back.

Auburngirl, that's beautiful. What a lovely way to take care of yourself.
 
Thanks so much for your helpful posts Auburngirl and kers. I appreciate your feedback and the links, websites, were very helpful too.
Jesse
 
I dissociate when I observe myself on the ceiling looking down at the person left behind....there are times when I "faint" and I begin to dissociate to the point of falling asleep, and I'm pulled into my mind....the "inner space" as I call it....I'm in a place FAR way from anything that stresses me or scares me....It's gotten to the point for me that, I don't even realize when I do it...and I'm out of it MORE than I'm "in it" ya know? lol

Also, I know I'm dissociated when I see a 4 year old version of myself hiding behind an alter, closing my eyes....I believe I have an alter of my younger self that I become when I go inside my mind....
 
I tend to feel like I'm flying at light speed to space....MILES away from anything happening....or falling into the ground like an illusion...it's awesome....It's like I'm a spirit....:D
 
When I dissociate, I lose my mobility, hearing, feeling, thought, and sight in that order. If I allow it to get to the last stage and my fiance is not there to bring me back, it can go on for hours. I need to ground myself and force myself to move once I start to feel myself drifting and feeling unable to move. I talk a lot. If no one is talking, I will find someone and ask them to talk to me about something.

Sometimes I dissociate briefly when something triggers me or I am under in a lot of emotional distress.

I lose time in both instances, but when I dissociate for long periods of time, I have thoughts, but it's like I can't understand the language. It's noise that I can't grasp or decipher. Other people or noises are either like a hum, or if they are making a lot of noise or summoning me, it feels like pins and needles, only... in my mind? Sometimes I feel totally unconscious yet I am still awake. It's hard to describe. I always used to think that it must feel like death--absolute Nothingness.

When it's brief, I just totally go out of it. Gone. When I come back, I am aware that I have been still and don't know for how long. Sometimes I am right in the middle of something. The other day this happened in the middle of my kitchen, and when I came to, I could not understand why I had a stick of butter in my hands that was starting to melt on me. >.<

So, I guess either a sense of highness or nothingness or a sense that I have lost some amount of time and I've no idea for how long, I know that I have dissociated.
 
I get all special meaning about things. I feel like I am falling into a special place, way apart, where feeling is extra.....like if you were on XSTACY. For the record, I never took it, but what they say it is like, where everything is so acute. I get really acute and then phase out.

Relaxed, disconnected, if you see me, staring. Suspended.
 
I was 44 when I discovered that I have been dissociating since childhood - it came as a bit of a shock. Now, most times I realise I've gone - or at least I realise I have dissociated afterwards.
 
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