How Do You Live With It

[Deleted member 38242]

How do you live with the fact they tortured you for fun? They enjoyed my pain. They knew it would hurt me for life. My skin hurts sometimes. The thick emotions of sadistic glee, and sick pleasure they got haunts me. They are now happy, sucessul, and have families. I found out I can't have kids at 25, so I was left with nothing. The look on their faces, and the cruelty is too much sometimes, and I get flashbacks all the time. The psychological pain did something to my neuropathways, and my skin hurts sometimes. How do you live with it?
I was physically tortured as a young kid, and statistically raped by a step grandfather, and that pain doesn't even hurt that bad. I could get help, and Im older now not a 4 year old. I couldn't get help when I wss hurt later in life. No one woukd believe me, and I was gaslighted. I need help. Disparity is an emotion I'm to familiar with. No hope for any thing better. And no one will love me. Im to messed up.
I dont know if I can make it sometimes.

 

[ladee]

I am so sorry that You were hurt so bad by so many. Your feelings are normal for all you've been thru.
But somehow, someway, you saved a piece of your heart and soul. And that is what you build on.
I am very glad you are here. If for no other reason to know you are not alone.
You reached out with what you have left. That is incredibly brave. And so very proud of you!
Trust takes time. I just hope you keep coming here, sharing what you can or just reading how others are working their way thru.
I am very grateful for the parts you saved.
Gentle hugs if you accept. If you aren't ready for that, just stick them on a shelf and know they are there for you

 

[J'qel]

By recognizing that they are monsters. They are awful and you're free now. They can't hurt you any more.

..if need be, reminding yourself you can kick their anatomical parts into new countries if they ever came near you now.

And by therapy and sometimes medication. Finding people who care and getting a good support network going.

Hiding if you need to, escaping into a book or movie or nature if you need it, and taking it slowly, building a recognition that you can do it. The worst part is over now, now you just need time and space to heal.

It's not a race, and you will get through this.

 

[lonelyone82]

So sorry. I know what you are talking about with perpetrators becoming successful without remorse. The people that abused me went on to live good lives were wealthy and had children. I don't have any and am poor and struggling due to my infliction. I'm sad too. I hear you. Sometimes I feel like bad people get rewarded for the things they do. I know that is my illness and they are sick and in the wrong. It is still hard, and I often wonder if I will survive here too. They got what they wanted. By societies standards now I am weak and a loser while others would treat the perps with respect because of their success. I hate this too. I understand that it is suffering. I hope you can find some comfort here and people that care.

 

[Rani G2]

MyDogsLoveMe,

life feels unbearable after one has experience such severe trauma, like you have. You are here, alive!! writing, because some force within you has survived and is willing to overcome.

You ask “how you live with it“? To see, feel, acknowledge your own story. Trauma interrupts our own lifestory, it interrupts the plot, it brings you to a halt. You have survived,your “self“ was intelligent enough to break its identity into pieces in order to come out of it alive. So what am I going to DO? My identity is scattered all over the place. I am going to pick them up, piece after piece, to complete my biography.

Why should you do that? Is it worth going on that painful selfdiscovery? You never know what you will find, and sometimes you are just impressed by your own Willpower. And thats definitely worth finding out MyDogsLoveMe.

Shankara

 

[ladee]

@Shan

 

[Rani G2]

@ladee Were you going to write anything?

 

[ladee]

@ladee Were you going to write anything?

Yes...I would like your post 100 times....'because we don't know what we will find'...and....I hate my phone..lol