How do you manage disrespect from your relationships?

[Changing4Best]

In one case I spoke to someone who has authority over the person who was disrespecting me. When that did not work, I spoke to that person's boss. Eventually the disrespect stopped. It still goes on behind my back, but at least it has stopped coming at me directly.

 

[Lionheart]

To my mind, a healthy relationship starts with two healthy people and so disrespect would be rare in that case. One needs to learn to choose healthy ways of living and being with themselves and others before they can enjoy the benefits of a healthy relationship. Like has been said it a skill to be learned.

I learned about healthy relationships from a book for adult children of alcoholics, my therapist, and life experiences. I knew what abuse is, so I only knew what the opposite of healthy was. It took time, trial and error, and a dedication to healing,...for me. I am still learning as it is a process.

I do not disrespect others purposefully and I do not allow others to disrespect me. If they do, I set a boundary and let them know what the consequences of such behavior will be. If a sincere, heartfelt apology and a change in behavior results, then the relationship can continue. Otherwise if it continues,....it is a deal-breaker.

My mom always said, "if you can't get along with them, get away from them"....I think this particularly applies to abusive relationships

 

[joeylittle]

unless you've been in a healthy relationship with decent boundaries you're just doing trial and error. i'm not saying it's impossible to learn but you'll waste a lot of time in the meantime.

It's been said, but worth saying again: trial and error is life. Everything we learn in life, we learn through trial and error. Want to learn that the stove is hot? Touch it, and you'll have learned. It starts when we are born and continues through until we die. And yes - it's possible to spend a lot of time trying to figure all the life-shit out. I'll say spend, not waste, because until there's a instant-knowledge pill that you can take to learn anything you'd want to know...then some shit just takes time to learn.

We seek out the experiences and thoughts of others in order to help us find our way.

they still had to be able to learn but they didn't have to figure it out all on their own.

I honestly don't believe this is true. In my experience, there are things in life that we need to learn for ourselves. We might have the best family in the world to model off of, but we will still follow our own counsel....that's just a human being thing.

Besides: there are very few absolutes when it comes to living life. One person's hard boundaries may be another one's grey area. So, you cultivate what you think yours are, based on what you want them to be. And when you don't know where to start, you ask other humans what their experience is. And even then, you're still going to spend time trying to apply all of it.

You asked @Justmehere for ideas:

what would those be in your opinion?

And justmehere had already given you a pretty solid one, about a page earlier on the thread:

Declaring it to be impossible to change negative core beliefs is how one perpetuates the false core belief and cognitive distortions. Choosing to instead to start challenging such negative self is the first step. Try using the search bar for “challenging cognitive distortions” and you’ll find lots of great info on this site about how to do that, and many trauma survivors who are doing it.

(I bolded for emphasis).

Personally - I don't always recognize when I'm being disrespected or used. My therapist has been a useful sounding board for me, in that regard. Learning about cognitive distortion and core beliefs helped me tremendously.