How do you manage helplessness and hopelessness of complex trauma

[Stormdancer18]

Exercise, breaking a sweat, working in my garden and knitting help me shift gears when I'm feeling stuck or overwhelmed. Sometimes I switch and knit with the other hand, which seems to really shift gears for me.

 

[ms spock]

Self Compassion and Radical Acceptance - that is where it is coming to for me - without it I can't go forward - it is really helpful -- though I have to do Self Compassion Breaks all day long!

 

[ms spock]

Still really struggling with this, but making slow progress!

 

[Mit]

Keep going at it. Thinking of you.

 

[VioletButterfly]

@Ms Spock - For helplessness and hopelessness, I distract myself from the negative chatter by accomplishing small tasks that I can manage as it makes me feel as if I'm putting something in the other column adjacent to the "You can't do anything by yourself and/or will fail" and the "Life will always be this way" columns. I am also trying to reconnect with myself as I lost that connection in the midst of the most recent traumas. For this, I use self-comfort, sometimes reading journal entries (not too often as it can be triggering), believing in my own memories and the ability of my mind to heal itself in time, and trying to look forward in working on what tomorrow could look like - giving myself options to hold up against the darkness and negativity. Sometimes, it helps to quell my anxiety by coloring. My friend gave me one of the adult coloring books an pencils - alas, I have retired my Hello Kitty coloring book and crayons for a while. I also sometimes have a cup of Chai Tea (decaf) as it brings with it warm thoughts, snuggle with my stuffed animals, read short passages, or come out here to put suggestions out for others.

For the CPSD in general, I've been working on staying present, and acknowledging and accepting what I have going on and where I'm at (and, that this will be an emotionally up and down kind of situation for a while to come), and then taking the actions I can to support myself. I am also working on boundaries and learning to compartmentalize what I'm finding very stressful (finding a job, finance, dental/medical stuff, tending to my Mom's needs). There are other solutions I could apply, but most of those I've learned from you, so you already know them! i.e. mindfulness, DBT techniques, acceptance, etc...

Offering you support and encouragement, and hoping you find healing and peace along the way. VB:)

 

[ms spock]

Still struggling with this a fair bit but I have been doing some Self Compassion Breaks, exercise, Mindfulness and disputing thoughts along with some Radical Acceptance.

 

[Longing_for_the_sea]

Wow. I thought I was really over playing my symptoms when the mental health facility diagnosed me with complex ptsd. I was so wrong. Everything you guys are describing, the emotional exhaustion, feeling like you are helplessly watching yourself procrastinate, avoid and sleep just to keep from feeling so overwhelmed and weary of life's chatter – then getting angry and irritated at yourself for not being 'grownup' enough to just 'suck it up' and dive in. Parental voice inside yells - 'People are counting on you!' I get mad at myself for being such a 'wimp' in my mind... but then, if I don't listen to the small child screaming for quiet and down time, time to do something calming and creative -- I completely fall apart and can't handle a thing. I just shut down -- listen to ethereal music while I drive my car through the Nantahala forest, sleep or.... sit staring into nothingness if I am broke.

My job is stressful -- I deal with deadlines, difficult people and having to come up with creative ideas to present in graphic arts for large companies and marketing firms. I have been doing it for over 30+ years and am burned out, but I really need the income and flexibility of working from home freelance because.... my home life is stressful -- my husband has Borderline Personality Disorder (diagnosed at 19 years old) and is also confined to a wheelchair most of the time due to the spinal cord trauma/damage and the effects of the AS (Ankylosing Spondylitis) disease he has... I care for him most of the time, and my 16 year old daughter helps me some, but she needs lots of reassurance and also time from me as well - due to the effects she suffers from some of his BPD episodes. She has been well educated about his condition by both him and me, but still it affects her. He spouts things and goes off sometimes when a trigger of his is struck... and she needs help to cope. Borderline is not fun. But he is in regular weekly DBT therapy and cognitive therapy, he LOVES us both and we would be here for him no matter what. He gives so much of himself to us when he can... he is an amazing person who has survived so much and gives so freely of himself most of the time. The curse of BPD affects the whole family. There is always strife with someone or something. Peace escapes our family most of the time. I am too young to retire, he is younger... so I am the sole support of the family. The other half is my daughter's survivor benefits she gets from her (abusive) birth father who is deceased... and she loses those at 18. Only two years away.

Another source of stress -- my parents are failing. Mother just completed radiation and chemo for cancer... it left her unable to walk because she is so weak. My father who is also a big part of why I am CPTSD... cares for her and tries, but I can tell he resents it on a level. He is just trying to be 'good' to her. Not sure it is entirely genuine... can't tell. She has been so depressed for SO long...They are in Texas, far way from me. Can't visit much at all... also my brother sexually abused my oldest daughter and he still lives there because of the help he needs. He has had anger/violence and developmental issues since a very young age.... so it makes things a little more complicated.

Writing this all down... it is kind of easy to see why I feel so overwhelmed when I wake every day. My art seems to be my only escape, and I do not have time for it anymore. I have to make time... and that stresses me too.

Not sure what the answer is. Any thoughts from someone who has been coping with this for awhile? Will it ever go away? Is there hope that it might?

 

[ms spock]

There is hope @Longing_for_the_sea you have to break down everything into babysteps and do some each day.

CBT - David Burns

DBT http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/ Marsha Linehan

Self Compassion - Kristin Neff - free resources on her website

The Mindful Way Through Depression on youtube

The Mindful Way Through Anxiety audio to be down loaded for free from website

Perth Meditation Centre - you can listen to the audio for free.

These are resources that I have used and use each and every day - you can look at a lot of it for free on youtube - just search away.

frantic world website - resources to download for free

Exercise

Nutrition

Sleep

Most of these things I started 1 minute x 3 times per day.

Start small and be consistent - when you miss a day start again.

Be kind to you - I didn't realise that was a thing - but it is VERY important.

 

[Longing_for_the_sea]

There is hope

@Ms Spock -- Thank you. I will look into these. Hope you are doing okay today. :) Each day is its own adventure isn't it?

 

[ms spock]

Each day is definitely a different adventure - the Radical Acceptance and the Self Compassion do really help with this @Longing_for_the_sea!

 

[Rani G2]

@Ms Spock,

when I am stuck in a emotional flashback system, I try to get my inner team to the table. Tell them, its 2016 I am in a safe place, We are here in a good place with safety. I find chants helpful, I smell on lavendal, lemon or any other herbal oil. Keeps me focused on here. It doesnt help all the time, but it does...

 

[Plat-Daddy]

Wow. I thought I was really over playing my symptoms when the mental health facility diagno...

I hope you have smoother days ahead. I understand your post in the chat room. I also wish things cane easier many times. I have found from being older than Moses my daughter says that most people do have issues getting through the day yet like me have mastered the art of hiding it. I seem so strong and cool to everyone but what I face inside is completely different. I have many brothers who like me have a punching bag just to beat the crap out of when stressed and alone of course so the kids do not see. Some lay on the bed and throw a hit the bed tantrum yet even know looks silly is a great relief to blow off some of this. Many people turn to the arts for new strength and ways to let this pinned up stress that bothers us by interrupting our thinking with crap. I like akido. The art of not getting hit. pretty cool work out and confidence builder. I wish you well and please do not feel defective for in reality we are most likely the norm yet are stronger now for able to admit it and look for ways to release the stress so can focus more on the good things. I really like my meds also now that they are correct for takes the edge off and allows me to think more clear on ways to get better. When stressed I could not process anything to help myself as well as I did for others. I wish you smoother days ahead.