General How Do You Not Take It Personally?

[Ace Ventura]

Thank you, Nicolette!

Thank you, Nicolette, for catching that. I actually am female; however, when I originally logged onto the forum, I had set up a "male" account because I thought that it would really be for my husband. When I saw the "private carers" and "private sufferers," sections, I realized we would need to have separate "accounts," but I had forgotten that I had set my profile that way. For accuracy's sake, I'll go back and change that. Thanks!

Take care,

Ace:smile:

 

[Cowgirl]

So, how do you make it work? And how do you set boundaries? And how do you manage to remind yourself that it's not you? I could use the advice, because I'm feeling a bit like I'm at the end of my rope and, when that runs out, it's going to be a hard fall.

One good method is to use distance. When he starts to escalate, tell him that you will not tolerate being yelled at. Tell him you are going ********** - you fill in the blank. It could be shopping, to a family member's home, for a walk in the park, whatever. And then GO. Leave him alone to stew for a few hours alone.

This requires absolute consistency. If he starts in at 11 at night, you must still do it. Every single time.

Eventually, he learns that it is not productive to yell and scream and vent at you.

When you begin doing this, you will likely have to re-enforce that you love him. Many PTSD sufferers have deep seated fears of abandonment. Let him know that you love him, but that you will NOT tolerate that sort of behavior, as it is abusive.

Be firm. Be consistent.

It works.

Hugs,

Cowgirl

 

[healing007]

I have post-traumatic stress from childhood sexual abuse. I lash out at my partner and I hate it. It's like I can't stop myself. A different part of me takes over and I'm oblivious to reality.

When I act emotionally abusive to him, my partner will set boundaries with me. When I'm stuck in the rage, I can't stand him or the boundaries. But he just repeats himself and leaves if need be. I come out of it eventually and realize that I hurt him and then I feel awful, which only makes the situation worse. He is usually quick to forgive.

I am thankful he sets boundaries with me and tells me it's not okay to treat him that way. It helps me. Good luck.

 

[Resu]

Thanks healing, and everyone else, ill have to try setting some boundries myself, I just hope i can stay consistant with going out somwhere, casue the person i care for just kinda, shuts down i guess is the best way to put, but i hope it works thanks for the advice!:smile: