How Do You Regulate Emotions Outside Therapy?

[Lisa H]

This is a ridiculously open-ended question I know.

My name is Lisa, I'm 19. I was bullied badly as a child/teenager and my parents were often unavailable, strict, very 'hard on me' and turned a blind eye to all that was happening to me as a kid. Even now, at Christmas, I walk around with visible scars and no one asks.

I have had problems regulating emotions for a long time, it's what led me to SH.
I don't SH anymore but I depend far too much on therapy for emotional regulation.
And under normal circumstances this dependency is fine but when I am off therapy for a month due to Christmas I need to have a plan B.

I have learned how to regulate anger - which was my most troublesome emotion. My antidote is to either:
(a) kick a football
(b) throw a ball at a wall
(c) rock
(d) write
(e) walk

For anger, I have about five ways of regulating it because there is no one-size-fits-all way of dealing with it.

I learned these in therapy. I don't have therapy for another month because of Christmas break.

But as a whole I still have huge problems regulating emotions and already can feel stress and tension building up inside me because I'm full of tension and stress but don't know how to safely deal with it outside a therapy room, so I'm keeping it inside and this tactic is not a good solution for more than a couple of days.

Any ideas on how to regulate emotion?

 

[Changing4Best]

There is a thing I learned in group therapy called grounding. You focus your attention upon the areas of your body that are touching the ground, a chair or a bed or whatever you are touching. You can also purposefully touch things too. Then you look around in the environment for something that appeals to you, become aware of any smells, be aware of the taste(s) in your mouth and listen for what noises you can hear in the environment. In short, you use your 5 senses to be as aware of your surroundings as possible.

Others things you can do are to call a friend, family member or someone who understand you at all better than your family that is doing the above to you. Emailing or texting are OK too, but hearing a friendly voice is better for you than those are.

Going out for a walk and getting away from the place or people that are upsetting you helps too.

 

[digger]

can feel stress and tension building up inside me because I'm full of tension and stress

Have you tried using the same tactics you use for anger? All the things you've listed look like they could be transferrable to stress and tension.

 

[sun seeker]

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a small child who was upset. "It's okay, you're going to be fine, you're safe, just breathe, one thing at a time... " or whatever works for you, over and over in a soothing voice. Touch your own body the way you would have wanted to be touched. Stroke your own hair, caress yourself gently. Use your senses to calm yourself. Find a soft blanket to wrap yourself in, and stroke it, or hug a stuffed animal. Pet a cat or dog if you have one. Put on whatever kind of music calms you. Pay attention to lighting, whether you feel calmer with lights blazing or just a few. Christmas lights? Candles? Use your sense of smell, whatever calms you. Essential oils if you can afford them, or just open your spice cabinet and find one that is soothing. Make some herbal tea or hot chocolate and drink it slowly.

Problems with emotional regulation come from not having gotten what you need in very early childhood, so overcoming this problem is very much about the emotional brain. Don't try too hard to reason with yourself, but work directly with the childlike part of you that needs help calming down.

This wasn't what you were asking, but when you say you are walking around with visible scars and no one asks, it tells me you are longing for validation of how much you are hurting. You might not get that from your parents, and I know that's very hard. Hopefully you are getting that in therapy. Meanwhile, you might need to validate it for yourself just as you would for that small child. Talk to yourself, as mentioned above. Give yourself those loving words and messages you so much want to hear.

 

[greenleaf]

Also, please don't feel like you're taking "too long" to develop better emotional regulation. You're noticing the issue -- huge huge step! Also, consider how long kids in "normal" families take to learn emotional regulation! It takes many years, and teenagers are often still learning the finer points. That's without the fallout from abuse, too, for many people. It's not hopeless -- as an adult, you have the advantage of more developed cognitive abilities. But... Please give yourself lots of time and credit, and just keep at it; your T can be a great model, don't feel guilty...

 

[risingsun]

Any ideas on how to regulate emotion?

Listening to you favorite music is a wonderful regulation tool. Music is healing. Sometimes music can stir up emotions that are associated with a certain time so be weary of that. But your favorite music will uplift your soul. Best Wishes to You, Rising Sun.

 

[ms spock]

Oh I suck at regulating emotions! I am improving however, I didn't wake up with panic attacks this morning, instead I felt bad about something I did wrong and also the most immense grief over a range of things and I sobbed my little heart out. So I am no poster woman for emotional regulation.

So my suggestions for you are:

Exercise and more exercise.

Routines which keep you really busy - rumination and sitting in stuff is not helpful for me - for some people sitting with it helps as they process the emotion/feeling/thoughts and it passes for them. For me I get stuck.

Being honest.

Posting on this forum.

Random acts of kindness.

Involvement in saving habitat/animals

Writing

Making Art

Fighting for various human rights of others can really take you out of yourself.

Bringing a spirit of generosity and inclusion wherever you go can kick start you to shift to an different energy matrix.

Disco Dancing in Chat with me and others.

Grounding and letting the emotions leach into the ground - give those emotions to the earth who can dissipate them for you.

Bringing fun, wittiness and joy to other people's lives.

Check the member's page on this forum each day and go and post Happy Birthday to each member's whose birthday is listed.

Learn a musical instrument.

Promote our forums - help Anthony, Nicolette, and all the moderators by getting this out on social media. http://www.gofundme.com/it71f8

Ring your local helplines like Life line, Men's Helpline (for the men who read this). SuicideCallBackLine, etc in your country - these are in Australia.

Go to the Introductions area of this forum and greet new people.

Say "Welcome to the Forum" to any new members that turn up in chat and show them a good time (virtual disco dancing, making virtual cups of tea and meals, pancakes for RussH etc - help out in the virtual breakfasts and meals there.)

Self nurturing- you missed out nurture from your family - and you will never get your needs met - unfair as it is you need to now learn how to nurture yourself. Lots of people have different ideas and solutions how to do this.

Read all the vault and articles on this forum.
CBT
DBT someone here suggested to me http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

 

[ms spock]

Some of these can be good.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/instant_mindfulness.html

 

[Karen12]

Can you go for a bike ride or a run? Running used to calm me down, it's rhythmic and meditative. Or how about some stretching/yoga?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Sounds like DBT could help you. A number of people have found the DBT skills workbook to be quite helpful. DBT is all about emotional regulation so it sounds like something that could be of benefit to you.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

First thing I will say is: Thanks to other people who commented here because I found some new stuff that could be useful, as I'm normally not quite good at regulating emotions.

I am similar to you, Lisa, from what I see. Anyway, onto regulating emotions... Well, I'm a newbie at it so for emotions that are more of anger side, I try to exercise, practice aikido and so on (wow, a bit shaky on the bell curve now)... Aikido is a magnificent things, and as name states: Ai - harmony, ki - strength, energy, do - way, path; it's an art of controlling yourself, which somes as a good thing, and swinging a sword at the air helps get some of anger out, especially combined with kyai. One of problems I come to is anger when I'm actually at the dojo, with other people, the chance of me accidentally hurting someone is higher, as I lose some of the harmony part and do everything a bit overpowered (poor people getting thrown around :(). But when I'm alone it helps a bit, but I am emotionally really messy, so as soon as anger goes away, the lack of energy rises depression and anxiety, throwing me into a sad state, when I really feel bad. It's a state with which I cannot quite deal well yet, while I got through anger a fair bit (except that once or twice a month I have a full breakdown and scream and hit everything :(). Anyway, onto the depression and anxiety state, at those times I really lose will, and all the bad sides of me seem extremely visible, while I find no good to look at on myself... :( I reaply haven't found much solution to that yet, I have a girl that I love and I sometimes talk to her late at night, finding happiness and getting away from anxiety, but don't have any other solution... I am often on selfharm, so people are really used to seeing me bleed around. There are a few different states of anxiety I go through, and on some listening to sad songs helps, on others just seeing how others get it worse and I don't deserve to be depressed, sad, I don't have the right to take time off for such things, though it sometimes kickbacks at me and makes me feel worse, I get a lot of inferiority feeling and similar. Anyway, I'm not feeling well atm so this the end of post:( good luck on forums.