How Do You Know When It's Time To Move On From Therapy?

[scout86]

Not that you need anything else to worry about, but they say "stress" all by itself shortens your life. I got a remarkably serious (for him) lecture from my T a few weeks ago about how living in a continual state of high alert affects your whole body, right down to how you digest food. Not that being told that actually fixes anything. He was mostly trying to get my attention. (And it worked. LOL)

To repeat what people keep telling me, just because you can get by doesn't mean you're ok.

Is there stuff besides your brother that's making you question therapy?

 

[Cool Cat]

just because you can get by doesn't mean you're ok.

Is there stuff besides your brother that's making you question therapy?

Good question!! Ho hum, I think because we don't have any objectives, objectives were easy at first " I want to stop SHing, I want to stop having panic attacks, I want to stop having flashbacks" They were obvious and urgent needs. Now I've moved onto another stage, I wan't to move past stuff like how *extremely* negatively I view my body or how I find intimacy impossible.

I think the price as well, does come into it. It is hard continually living on a shoestring.

But I think it's because I need to be constantly able to see where we're going and how we're doing. It's because I no longer need therapy for urgent (I daresay even emergency) reasons that I can't figure out how I feel about it.

 

[scout86]

That makes sense. I actually think it's kind of cool that you've had such clear goals. That's something I have problems with. Maybe "goals" is a good topic for a therapy session.

I've been living on a shoestring my whole life. I've read some stuff the past year or so that suggested that PTSD can prevent a person from living up to their potential. I'm pretty sure that's been true for me. Money has never been hugely important to me and it would probably never have been how I kept score. Still, I think if I'd even been aware of how PTSD affected my life 30 years ago, it would have, or could have, changed a lot of things. Don't sell yourself short!

 

[falling_wave]

I have also had people ask me or even sort of judge me for being in therapy because they can't always see my pain or struggles. A lot of PTSD is this way yet we need to continue to take care of ourselves. If you have good rapport and trust your therapist I would say keep going just tell her you are up for a challenge and make yourself open to the work so it's not a waste of time. Also realize what helps you. Is it exercise, hobbies, being around people, getting into nature? Do those things and spend energy in between sessions strengthening friendships and relationships. If this is a struggle make that a goal in therapy. Therapy doesn't stop after you leave the office. You need to incorporate it into your life. Then when those things are stronger and you are feeling more connected spread therapy out for a couple months and see what happens. If you feel okay and in control most of the time you are probably okay to stop therapy but schedule something only if something really triggers you. Best of luck to you.

 

[Friday]

(a) I still get the odd trigger and have some dissociation problems
(b) I still get the urge to self-harm, and struggle with it
(c) Sexual relationships are like, impossible for me
(d) I have no close friends and find it hard to be close with people
(e) Despite my confidence, my self-esteem is still very poor
(f) I have a lot of issues and a poor opinion with how I look, or how attractive I think I am
(g) I work around the clock
(h) While I am less 'numb', I still am quite split from emotions (still can't cry)
(i) I'm still very secretive
(j) As you can see, I'm very very hard on myself

You do have objectives.

That, right there, is your list of things to be working on, towards, or against.

 

[Justmehere]

I think though, if he knew about the self-harm he wouldn't make such comments. I hate always dwelling on staying in therapy because of self-harm though. It's a bit of a crutch.

Even then, he may still say you don't need therapy. Family is not always the most objective when it comes to other family's member's pain and needs for therapy.

His opinion that you don't need therapy may not really be about you and how legit your need for therapy is - but more about his denial. If he ever said he thought you did on-going therapy for awhile, that would be an admission of a painful truth: you went through hell, so much hard stuff that you are still in pain and recovering from it. Even when you look and seem ok on the surface.

I have a family member that I am close with and it took me a long time to face the fact that they were hurting as bad as they were, to the point of needing therapy. My own denial clouded my own opinion.

He may be in denial too, but you can still give yourself permission to keep working on you.

I know of folks struggling with far less who are in therapy. You won't likely be in therapy forever, but you have very good and legit reasons to be in therapy now.

Plus, its not like therapy is a vacation... it's hard work! It takes a lot of courage. I commend you on all the good work you have done so far!

 

[jaccat]

This reminds me of what I went through with my brother at Christmas. He went through as much trauma as me, has seen therapists and is convinced he's dealt with it, telling me I need to learn to laugh at the past! I just have to look at his life to see how in denial he is. Not that it stops me loving him.

I originally went to see a therapist for severe depression, which I had bee suffering from since early childhood. After about 18 months I had a breakthrough, realising that my depression stemmed from my self-hate and the depression ended. Shortly after that my therapy came to an abrupt end unexpectedly. But I decided I was okay. I wasn't going into that terrible black place any more, wishing I could die. So I left it.

What I didn't realise was that I had replaced the depression with emotional numbness, and I hadn't dealt with any of my other issues either, from my social phobia to a disordered relationship with food. I thought in time I'd just get over them.

10 years later I'm in therapy once more, finally facing those issues which, though I knew what they were, I didn't have the power to fix myself. Yes I'm paying for the therapy myself. It's expensive but I've budgeted for it. It won't last for ever and who knows, doing this might just change my life.

 

[shimmerz]

Family is not always the most objective when it comes to other family's member's pain and needs for therapy

I so agree with this. I feel like family has a stake in a member who is in therapy. They may divulge secrets, bring up 'issues' that the family doesn't want to delve into (selfishly). It many times is a reflection of our dis-functional upbringing. I think it is a very large step in blowing apart the lies that we were raised with (Herman). There is no getting better until we do this.

 

[The Albatross]

How Do You Know When It's Time To Move On From Therapy?

The quippy answer was "when I bored myself". But that's not really it. It was when I realized that I was just sitting in someone else's office, and paying the guy for listening to me problem solve while he scribbled notes.

 

[shell]

It's a very interesting question, and perhaps one you can bring up with your therapist.

I would like to think it's when I actually start living my life instead of avoiding it, or just existing and no longer feel like I am getting anything out of it.

Perhaps you need to review your goals with your therapist. I changed therapist when I felt like I was stagnating, and a fresh approach helped me address issues that had never been discussed.