How do your memory issues play out?

Friday

Moderator
The dementia thing is what I'm petrified of 😢...
Pro Trick

If you forget where your keys are? That’s normal.
If you forget what keys are FOR? That’s dementia.

What keys are for = Comb my hair with them? Add to soup? Stick in electrical sockets? Hang from Xmas trees? Suck on when thirsty? Wipe & flush? Throw for dog? Stick in eye? Freeze for cooling drinks? What ARE these things?!? What do I do with them?!?
 

beaneeboo

MyPTSD Pro
Pro Trick

If you forget where your keys are? That’s normal.
If you forget what keys are FOR? That’s dementia.

What keys are for = Comb my hair with them? Add to soup? Stick in electrical sockets? Hang from Xmas trees? Suck on when thirsty? Wipe & flush? Throw for dog? Stick in eye? Freeze for cooling drinks? What ARE these things?!? What do I do with them?!?
That made me laugh thanks Friday 🤣

Although I'm pretty sure once i tried to use the car key to open the front door 😬🤣
 

Friday

Moderator
Back on target!

I’ve got the same ADHD memory issues @Charbella has… durn near eidetic or? Nothin, or as near as. Especially when hyperfocused (which is a kind of disassociation, similar to survival-mode, where the whole world falls away, including awareness of things basic bodily functions, except for what I’m doing). All the information I’m constantly flooded with means I’ve got both a highly trained forgettery, as I’m attempting NOT to be aware of what’s going on around me, or it will stick. If I’m distracted? Like reading? It will flood in and stamp. Including things that aren’t “real”, like I have age progression/regression software in my noggin’. Anyone I look at, I can see them as children and elderly and everything in between; and anyone I reeeeally look at get several dozen versions of both, depending on life circumstances & choice. Weight gain/loss, climate changes, style, gender switching, moods, career, etc. It’s like one of those alias boards law enforcement makes. That’s an artist & anthropologist thing, married to the ADHD thing. My ADHD friends who are mechanics do the same thing with machinery, architects with buildings and city layouts, etc. The hyperactive mental piece takes whatever you “know” and spins it out into different possibilities.

So I’ve had quirky memory stuff my whole life.

My PTSD memory stuff, otoh, is wildly different, although often mobs up with my ADHD stuff to seriously f*ck me over, in a few different ways (that I’m just not going to talk about right now, as it’s not super relevant).

- Any time my head is stuck in the past? I have a whoooole lotta difficulty remembering anything in the present. Present stuff just doesn’t code right. (It’s one of the ways I “lose time”. Up to and including dissociative fugues. Journaling helps. Both written and photographic. Especially if it’s early days. But any time I notice I’m losing time, journaling is one of my best places to start.).

- Linear memory gets kicked to the curb. The whole do this first, that second, this third, that fourth? Pfft. Ain’t gonna happen, or will need constant checking/rechecking, and I’ll still prolly f*ck it up. Cooking is a good example here. So is following a sentence from beginning to end.

- My judgement gets f*cked six ways from Sunday in PART because I’m unable to accurately recall “all” of a person (with very few exceptions, although exceptions do exist). The better I know them? The worse it is. Strangers are relaxing for the blank slate they create, as all I know about them is this/here/now. People I know well, who have years and decades worth of trust built/lost, I just can’t parse.

- I’m unable to think about (or recall anything) that’s too stressful. My mind just shuts off. Crickets.

- AND THE BIG ONE… I switch back and forth between not being able to stop remembering (aaaaaaargh!) and it being like there’s a huge blank white glacier like wall between me’self and any/all traumatic memories.

There are more, but “I’m done now.” 😉
 

beaneeboo

MyPTSD Pro
Wow @Friday ... thank you for all this...I find the ADHD brain you describe fascinating ...I think my son has ADHD and alot of what you've written about i relate to for him... also it's interesting you're able to separate out your memory issues to your ADHD or PTSD brain... that takes some awareness 🙌


Any time my head is stuck in the past? I have a whoooole lotta difficulty remembering anything in the present. Present stuff just doesn’t code right. (It’s one of the ways I “lose time”. Up to and including dissociative fugues. Journaling helps. Both written and photographic. Especially if it’s early days. But any time I notice I’m losing time, journaling is one of my best places to start.).

-
I relate to this. I still don't understand journaling. What do people write about? I think I'm doing it wrong here. I have my diary but it's very focused on therapy, trauma... all the deeper heavier stuff.. other people seem to write about other things...I don't really get how journaling can help as nothing feels joined up in my head anyway. So I think if I were to write it would just reflect that. ?
- My judgement gets f*cked six ways from Sunday in PART because I’m unable to accurately recall “all” of a person (with very few exceptions, although exceptions do exist). The better I know them? The worse it is. Strangers are relaxing for the blank slate they create, as all I know about them is this/here/now. People I know well, who have years and decades worth of trust built/lost, I just can’t parse.
I very much relate to this too 😕.. people I love and trust become someone else and I can't figure out how to accurately judge what is right to trust or not... I see this as part of my parts taking over though...
There are more, but “I’m done now.” 😉
Thank you for sharing. I really love getting a picture of others' experiences whether they are the similar or different

LOL, still knew a key was to unlock something, so you’re good!
Just wait until I start using tooth paste instead of tomato concentrate 🤣
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
The underlying part of ADHD is something called executive dysfunction. One of the components of that is called working memory. It's what you use to remember where you got a spoon out to mix pancakes already and its beside you. It says where the glasses you put on to help you look for your glasses are.......

Other things like brain fog can have multiple sources. There are a ton of symptoms in common between my chronic illnesses and PTSD. Brain fog, light sensitivity, mild depression, loss of appetite, and when things are out of whack - memory issues. Which can also come from from hypo thyroid too.

Sometimes there are multiple reasons you could have a problem. Figure out how to separate them so you know which one is causing the issue. For me I go get bloodwork done and if I hear back from my GP or Endo, there's a physical problem.
 

beaneeboo

MyPTSD Pro
The underlying part of ADHD is something called executive dysfunction. One of the components of that is called working memory. It's what you use to remember where you got a spoon out to mix pancakes already and its beside you. It says where the glasses you put on to help you look for your glasses are.......

Other things like brain fog can have multiple sources. There are a ton of symptoms in common between my chronic illnesses and PTSD. Brain fog, light sensitivity, mild depression, loss of appetite, and when things are out of whack - memory issues. Which can also come from from hypo thyroid too.

Sometimes there are multiple reasons you could have a problem. Figure out how to separate them so you know which one is causing the issue. For me I go get bloodwork done and if I hear back from my GP or Endo, there's a physical problem.
Maybe I have ADHD. My working memory definitely doesn't work 🤣
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Maybe I have ADHD. My working memory definitely doesn't work 🤣
It is fairly common for people with PTSD to exhibit some of the symptoms of ADHD. It has to do with how your brain works.

Instead of using the big prefrontal cortex to sort things out and then using the little "alligator brain" when in danger - PTSD switches it so the "alligator brain" does the work and access to the big thinky part doesn't work right.
 

beaneeboo

MyPTSD Pro
It is fairly common for people with PTSD to exhibit some of the symptoms of ADHD. It has to do with how your brain works.

Instead of using the big prefrontal cortex to sort things out and then using the little "alligator brain" when in danger - PTSD switches it so the "alligator brain" does the work and access to the big thinky part doesn't work right.
I used to be a pre-frontal cortex thinker ... well - in correction - more I used to be able to access that part of my brain alot... but it's just not there atm...I wonder whether its because of the processing I'm doing between therapy sessions...or the peri-M ... and more importantly i wonder whether I'll get that ability back... can't work so much atm... brain won't let me
 

KathK

Learning
My memory of parts of my childhood, like so many here, isn't very good and never has been.

My everyday memory has been getting worse over the past few years - specifically last 3 years. Even more specifically last few months. I'm in my early 40s.

When I say memory I'm talking about my ability to remember everyday things. Every day, I have no idea where I've parked the car. Even though I parked it either earlier in the day or within 24 hours. I know this happens to alot of people but for me it's EVERYDAY. Even when it's infront of the house. Sometimes when I locate it I can't even remember that I'd parked it at that location. My work is becoming increasingly difficult to manage. I can't handle all the memory requirements and so the level of my work is getting worse. I walk into a room and may not remember why I entered. People talk to me about things we talked about or even did in the last few months and sometimes I can't remember. I used to be able to hold and work with so much information - juggle so much. I now have lost the ability to do that because of my memory/ cognitive difficulties. Things just fade away in my mind... Like sand through fingers. Info dissolves.

I'm going their early menopause (in the peri stage) and my brain fog is through the roof.

But my question to myself is: could all the memory and cognitive issues be from trauma? Could they be down to a DDNOS diagnosis? Could it be purely peri-menopause? Is it early dementia or something similar? And what the hell can I do to improve it - I'm scared.

My question to others: does anyone relate? What is your experience of and understanding of your own memory issues?

Thanks 😊
Interesting one. For me I have blackouts, more like trauma fugues, but outside of that I remember details and it’s like my brain went on overdrive remembering things, so I can hear a diagnosis and remember it was from the House episode where x happened between key characters and ABC red herrings came up and y was the final diagnosis, or going to see an anniversary screening of Jurassic Park and I struggled not to say the whole dialogue in the cinema (though handy for my friend when there was an audio glitch as I was able to recite the dialogue). I guess I became pedantic about knowing where everything was so I could have a quick escape, but it’s not always helpful being that detailed in memory, and I have moments of going to supermarket and remembering everything on my mental list except one thing. It’s not a perfect memory at all but became above average to cope with and distract from trauma and symptoms of same. Though I understand it’s a smaller percentage who go my type of way in that regard 🤷‍♀️
 

beaneeboo

MyPTSD Pro
Interesting one. For me I have blackouts, more like trauma fugues, but outside of that I remember details and it’s like my brain went on overdrive remembering things, so I can hear a diagnosis and remember it was from the House episode where x happened between key characters and ABC red herrings came up and y was the final diagnosis, or going to see an anniversary screening of Jurassic Park and I struggled not to say the whole dialogue in the cinema (though handy for my friend when there was an audio glitch as I was able to recite the dialogue). I guess I became pedantic about knowing where everything was so I could have a quick escape, but it’s not always helpful being that detailed in memory, and I have moments of going to supermarket and remembering everything on my mental list except one thing. It’s not a perfect memory at all but became above average to cope with and distract from trauma and symptoms of same. Though I understand it’s a smaller percentage who go my type of way in that regard 🤷‍♀️
Really interesting Kath_k... I guess there can also be positives which come from the way our brains react and deal with trauma....I'd love to have a brain which remembers details... thanks for sharing
 
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